I am Generation X

I am Generation X.


We are those who were born in the 70's,

raised in the 80's,

and came into our own in the 90's.

Our parents were baby-boomers, and many of us now have children of our own. 

We remember Saturday Morning Cartoons like the Smurfs, Hulk Hoagan's Rock n' Wrestling, the Pac Man adventure hour, the Gummi Bears, and Dungeons & Dragons.

We remember weekday morning and afternoon cartoons like G.I. Joe, The Transformers, Thundercats, He-Man, She-Ra, Mask, Speed Racer, and Robotech. We remember these things before they were remade for a new era with new sensibilities.

We remember when Megatron was a Walther P38 instead of a jet or tank. We remember playing war with toy guns and none of us grew up to shoot up our schools (For the record, Harris and Klebold were Gen Y). We played Assassins in high school and nobody called it a "Dangerous game."

We were the first generation to have Dungeons & Dragons and were the consumers responsible for launching the modern role playing industry.

We remember when the woods were a safe place to play.

If we got bullied in school, a playground fist fight usually settled the case, and nobody went to prison or court for assault.

We didn't get expelled from school for having G.I. Joe toys or making gun shapes with our hands.

We remember a black-and-white, dark and gritty Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, as well as a brightly-colored pizza-eating cartoon version.

We were defined by Star Trek and Star Wars. We watched Knight Rider, The Incredible Hulk, The Dukes of Hazzard, Grizzly Adams, V, The Cosby Show, Cheers, and Night Court.

We ate dinner in front of the TV. With our families, be they one- or two-parent homes.

We were latch-key kids whose parents both worked, and nobody got arrested because we were home alone for a few hours in the afternoon.

We think The Lost Boys and Near Dark were two of the greatest vampire films ever made.

We had E.T., Indiana Jones, The Last Starfighter, Conan the Barbarian, The Goonies, and Back to the Future.

Films like Dream a Little Dream, Clerks, Chasing Amy, Waiting..., High Fidelity, Pump Up the Volume, Say Anything, The Breakfast Club, St. Elmo's Fire, or Reality Bites resonated with us on a deep and fundamental level and told us that other people knew what our lives felt like.

We hung out at the mall as teens and at dimly-lit coffeehouses as young adults.

We smoked cigarettes and weed, which was the inexpensive drug you could grow with a sun lamp in your basement, and nobody died from it.

We lamented how dead of a decade the Clinton 90's were, but look back now with nostalgia on those days, and only now realize what a decade of quiet progress it was.

We felt like we had no heroes and nobody to look up to. We were so desperate for a

We spawned the celebrity voyeur culture and reality TV. You're welcome.

We could've changed the world for the better. Instead, we've made it more divisive than it ever before has been. Good work, folks.

We embraced heavy metal, then killed it and replaced it with grunge. 

Our social network was the mall instead of street corners and smart phones.

We didn't ram our politics down each others' throats.

We went to school to get good jobs doing things with our lives that we wanted to do. We looked for fulfillment. We appreciated music, art, and books, and didn't steal them (as a rule) off the shelves at stores, only to justify it as "sticking it to the man," or "information should be free." We recognized the rights of artists to make a living from their talents.

We were proud to be American and for the most part, the world respected us.

And yet, now we do all those things we never did before, in spades.

And yet, the world we have now...is all our fault.

You're welcome.

Motivation is a problem

So I've been having a real problem with motivation lately. I have all these ideas for novels whirling around in my head, and several that are already started, but I've barely put any words down in months. I'm not sure why. I'll get determined--today I'm going to do this--and then just won't. The one time I tried, last weekend, the result was, well, disappointing, to say the least. I got about 1800 words out and they were pretty much garbage. Not remotely provocative or exciting. Could be that I'm out of practice, or it could be that I've just not found the perfect way to start this one yet. Only way to be sure is to soldier on, I guess. Hell, Broken Gods went through four or five different beginnings before I got it right, so...

But anyway, I'm not sure what's going on. The life situation, nominally, has improved. My new job is worlds better than my old one, even if it is a ton of stress. I'm thinking that's part of the issue--this is a different kind of stress than I'm used to, and I need to find some way to manage it. I've never had a job before where I can't take a day off without feeling the need to check my e-mail to make sure there are no emergencies or disasters or fires to put out. It kind of weighs on me at times. It's hard to recharge the old batteries when you have to think about work even when you're not there. But I'm still relatively new to this job--only been here for 8 months and they say it can take up to 2 years or so just to get a handle on the position. So maybe after awhile I'll find a good place of balance. I hope so.

Yesterday I was really down and really emotional for no apparent reason. Not sure what was up with that. I just dealt with it by kind of withdrawing into myself and riding it out. There's still a bit of it lingering today. Hoping it diminishes instead of getting worse. 

Tonight after work I need to clean the house--it's gotten almost to the state where I'm afraid I'm going to see us on the evening news as having "deplorable living conditions." Julie's working late as she usually does on Wednesdays, so it'll be a good time to get things done. I am vowing right now that the television will not go on, unless it's to tune to a music channel or put on a music/concert disc for background music while I clean. Then I need to settle down, look through my various writing projects, pick one, and finish it. My publisher is going to open up for new submissions this summer, he thinks, and I need to have at least two books ready to send to him. One is done and waiting. I can finish one more, I think.

I'm losing weight--it's actually starting to be visible. That's a great thing. Mostly I'm just being more aware of my portion sizes, and have been getting more exercise just by virtue of how my commute works, now. I'm getting in at least a good half hour of walking every day, and working in hills and stairs to that. It's helped a lot. I feel a bit lighter, though I haven't yet got to the point where I can run without feeling a bit of..."bounce." That's the goal. That and dropping at least 2 inches off my waist. I think I'm down about an inch, but don't quote me on that. I don't keep a scale in the house because I would obsess about it. I know I'm starting--just starting--to be able to see my jawline in the mirror again, which is great.

Anyway, yeah, I've got a problem with motivation and drive. I have ambition, but my drive has once more gone far south. I'm not sure how to get it back. But one thing is certain--I need to figure it out fast.

Okay, rambling over. Thanks for listening, whoever you may be.

Feeling unhealthy again...

My ears are hot.

And I've been getting nosebleeds again.

It's largely stress-related. I'm much happier at the new job than I have been at any of my past ones (save perhaps my first-ever job here at Pitt, which alas paid shit), but unfortunately there's a ton of constant stress here, which gives me headaches, nosebleeds, makes my ears hot from the pressure, and sometimes interferes with sleep.

This is the type of job that even when you take vacation time you need to check e-mail to make sure there's no major explosions that need to be dealt with immediately.

At least the money is better, which will allow me--if I can get disciplined--to get my practical shit in order--pay off some debts, get my monthly bills in order--which in a perfect world would then result in me being able to take a less-stressful, lower-paying job in the future.

I need to lose weight. Really badly, I need to lose weight. I've been starting to feel unhealthy again lately. I need to cut out the sugar in my diet--I've been splurging and indulging FAR too often lately. I need to get back on a hardcore low carb regimen. The trick is actually taking care of lunch at home. When I get up in the mornings I am worse than an angry zombie. I can't even THINK about preparing food to take to work with me. And usually I fall asleep on the couch in the evenings, then wake up to stagger up to bed, so doing it before bed isn't a realistic goal either--at least not until I manage to successfully change my habits, which really needs to happen.

Maybe I should start getting it together first thing when I get home from work every day. That could work. Come home, make and bag tomorrow's lunch so I can just grab and go when I get ready for work tomorrow.

And I need to kick up my exercise.

I was lifting weights with a friend, but I really just didn't feel like I was getting out of it what I need. It's not the type of exercise I want. I understand the whole concept of building lean muscle mass and whatnot, but really, if you're not feeling better after exercising, it's pointless. The only way a person is going to keep up with an exercise routine is if they can find a form of exercise they enjoy and/or that makes them feel better after, and lifting does neither for me.

I need to start going to a gym with a good variety of cardio equipment and start an actual exercise routine. One that gets my heart rate up and lets me work up a sweat instead of one that just makes my arms, back, legs and shoulders ache for days. When I do cardio--jogging, walking, whatever--I feel better afterward. I feel healthier, and better about myself. For some reason when I lift weights I feel worse about myself after I'm done, and I don't mean just physically beat up (though that happens, too); I mean my self esteem takes a dive for some reason. During the work out I count the exercises, thinking, "how many more left to go?" whereas when I do cardio-related workouts I often find myself thinking, "Oh, that went fast," at the end of it.

Anyway, yeah...it's time to make a plan and follow through. I've been too haphazard for too long, and it needs to stop if I'm going to get healthy again, especially if I'm going to be working a higher stress job.

Petition is Live

My petition is live at whitehouse.gov. It calls for an immediate and permanent reduction in congressional salary and benefits to bring Congress back to the level of their constituents and take away their right to vote themselves raises.

You can go here to sign it.

This petition has been created with the intention of (in the best of all worlds) forcing Congress back to our level so they're no longer so divorced from what they do to us on a daily basis, and at the very least showing the level of discontent the people have in no uncertain terms.


I have no real hope that the White House or Congress cares about the welfare of nor will listen to the voices of the people they are supposed to serve, but at least they'll have to SEE this one, so I'd appreciate the support.
 
And no, I'm not looking for a political debate here. If you don't agree--don't sign. It's that simple. Don't tell me why you don't agree, don't tell me you won't or didn't sign, and don't tell me I'm wrong. I don't care and will delete such responses. This link is intended for support, not debate or detraction. So if you support the idea, feel free to comment.

A Petition to Congress

I put together a petition that I intend to introduce on petitions.whitehouse.gov as soon as the Gummint gets around to sending my login confirmation, which I should've had well over an hour ago. But then, it's really not in the Gummint's best interest to actually make it easy for people to petition them, is it? That would make them actually *gasp* beholden to us.

Anyway, here's the text. Just thought I'd share.

We, the undersigned, feel that the United States Congress has far too long abused its authority and power over the people, and believe that Congress is the single largest cause of economic bloat and problem in the nation. We the People feel that serving in the United States Congress should be viewed as an honor and not as a day job. This was the intent of our great Founding Fathers. Instead, employment in the Senate and House of Representatives has become a vehicle for making outrageous sums of money at the expense of the public our representatives were elected to serve, and supporting the Few in the form of Special Interests, rather than the Many, in the form of the People of the United States. As such, due to their continual failure to do their duties in supporting the interests of the public, while continually seeing their salaries and benefits skyrocket, We the People of the United States (hereafter "We the People" or "we") hereby request the following changes be made in the United States Congress:

1. Salaries of all Senators and House Representatives be immediately reduced to $75,000 per year. This is roughly equivalent to (and slightly higher than) their original salary of $3,000 in 1855, adjusted for inflation. This should include the salaries of the Speaker of the House, and the Senate Majority and Minority Leaders, who we do not feel deserve extra pay based upon a title that should be reward enough.

2. FURTHER, we request that any future alterations to Congressional salary or benefits packages require the approval of the People through a broad Voter Referendum. Most working individuals count on their employer to grant raises; the same should hold true of Congress, whose employers are considered to be We the People.

3. FURTHER, we request that all current Senators and House Representatives see any pension and retirement benefits immediately removed, and any future automatic or assumed retirement or pension benefit programs for the United States Congress ended. To whit, we request that Senators and House Representatives no longer be covered under the Federal Employees' Retirement System Act of 1986. From the adoption of this change forward, all Senators and House Representatives will be required to pay into a 401K program for retirement benefits, as most of the working public must do, if they desire such benefits, and will be required to pay into Social Security at the same rates as the working public.

4. FURTHER, we request that all Senators and House Representatives immediately lose their federal healthcare program benefits, and that these programs be immediately terminated. Henceforth they will be required to seek healthcare in the private sector or under the new Affordable Healthcare Act. 

5. FURTHER, we request that the "soft retirement" model whereby members of Congress "retire" directly to Lobby Organizations and Think Tanks, based on their behavior/voting record in Congress, be immediately ended, and retired Senators and House Representatives be forbidden from joining Lobby Organizations and Think Tanks upon their retirement.

IN SUMMARY: We feel that Congress neither deserves nor is entitled to the high rate of pay and outstanding benefits they receive, which places them as a social elite above the people whom they serve. We request that the above steps (severe reduction in pay, healthcare and retirement benefits identical to the majority of the working public, loss of soft retirement, and the requirement to ask We the People for future pay and benefits adjustments) be taken immediately to rectify this situation and that Congress acknowledge that they in fact work for We the People by also acknowledging that these changes are what We the People desire, and that as such Congress beholden to and required on principle to implement such directives.

Seriously considering throwing in the towel

Well, I wasn't going to say anything because I didn't want to jinx it, but it seems it's jinxed anyway. The reason I didn't go live with the Charlie Morning kickstarter is that I had two agents and a publisher request a pitch and sample through people I know. A very exciting development indeed. Unfortunately, as seems to be the entire history of my writing, the publisher/agent combo dropped off the face of the earth (no contact in nearly two months) and the other agent e-mailed me back yesterday to essentially say that my writing didn't draw her in and the voice didn't match the content.

As of now, I'm re-evaluating. I don't know if I'll bother to publish it at all. I can't, it seems, score an agent even from a direct referral. Self-publishing or small press publishing will never see me on a shelf in a book store.

There comes a time when you have to realize that your family and friends are the only ones who tell you that you're any good, and the professionals who make a living at this stuff continually, time and time again, tell you that you're not. I've got my game design work and while I'll never make a living at it, people seem to enjoy what I do there. As a novelist maybe I should just face the fact that I've got mediocre talent at best and hang it up.

Also, if you're planning on commenting here to tell me how irrelevant book stores are, or how much I don't need to be on book store shelves, don't bother. You're not helping, you're only making it worse. Because the fact is, whatever YOUR opinions about book stores are, that's what *I* want: to see one of my novels on the shelf at Barnes & Noble. I dream of it every time I browse the shelves there. And I'm having to face the hard fact that it will NEVER happen.

Amazing Adventures: Five Star Reviews, but Slow Sales

And we have a THIRD five-star review of Day of the Worm at DriveThruRPG! 

The Thule Society, a dark Nazi cult dedicated to furthering the esoteric knowledge that fuels the ever growing Third Reich, may have acquired the ancient Heart of Yhtill and all the power it promises. Worse still, they appear to have partnered with malevolent aliens known as the People of the Worm, who seek to ensure that World War II devastates the entire planet, leaving humankind ripe for conquest and consumption have come seeking the Heart as well.

The PCs, working with the Allied forces, and alongside fanatical Ormazd Society allies, find themselves in a race against time to stop the People of the Worm from unleashing a doomsday device from within a hidden tomb in Egypt's Valley of the Kings. If only the Nazis and the People of the Worm were their only worries: there is another, equally mysterious force who want the Heart of Yhtill for their own alien agenda…

"It has Nazis, chase scenes, the supernatural, traps, a teriffic cover, and a plot so thick you can cut it with your Crocodile Dundee knife. What's not to like?

Troll Lord Games and Jason Vey have given a very good example of what can be done with their Siege Engine rules and the Amazing Adventures game in particular."
--Chet Cox, DTRPG Reviewer


In addition, Amazing Adventures itself has scored a 5-star review both at DriveThru and at RPG.net.  
 
 "My imagination is really grabbed by this system. I think there is a lot of potential here and a lot I want to do with this game"
--Timothy Brannan, featured DTRPG Reviewer

I'm incredibly proud of Amazing Adventures. It may be my favorite freelance project ever. I'm absolutely thrilled to see it getting rave reviews by those who have picked it up and given it a look and play.

Unfortunately, we're not going anywhere without some word of mouth and buzz, and there is the rub--nobody is talking about the game, despite pretty much universal rave reviews from those who have picked it up. Help us out! If you haven't picked up Amazing Adventures and Day of the Worm yet, by all means grab your copy today! If you've already bought it and you like it...TALK ABOUT IT! Get the word out there!!! Post on blogs, on message boards, on facebook and twitter. I'm not sure what the process is to submit something for a nomination for an Ennie or Origins Award, but even a nomination submission would be aces for drawing attention to the project. I am negotiating with Troll Lord as we speak for extensive support for the game, but until we see really strong, solid sales, we're likely looking at mostly internet/PDF e-book support and very little in the way of print. We need your help! If we can build a player base and get sales for this puppy going, you'll be amazed (no pun intended) at the ideas I've got for this puppy. Pulp is a limitless genre, and there's no end to the directions we can go...but first, we need to kick open the door, and that's where you come in. 

If you haven't picked up a copy, take the risk--I'll give good odds you'll love the game. If you already have it and are digging it, I beg of you--hit the streets, both literal and virtual. Request your FLGS to carry it. Tell people about it. The RPG industry is cramped right now, and it's only by loyal fan-base word of mouth that we can get people out there to discover new games.

Things Change

I was reflecting this morning on how much things change in such a short time--although I guess when you think about it, the 15-20 year period I was contemplating isn't exactly short.

Since the mid-1990's the Oakland Borough of Pittsburgh and the college scene in Pittsburgh has morphed into something completely different than it once was. In that time, three colleges have become full-fledged Universities (meaning there are few "colleges" left in the city and a lot of Universities). Oakland itself was once a thriving campus community that catered to and encouraged subcultures--everything from hippies to Goths to punks to metalheads to hipsters and more, all of them had a sort of place in Oakland.

There was Tela Ropa, the hippie heaven which pretended with a smirk to not be a head shop.

There was Avalon, a sort of retro-hipster haven, a consignment store for "vintage" clothing styles.

There was the Opera-Tunity, a thrift store for whom most of their donations came from the local Civic Light Opera company. This place was amazing--you could get full tuxedos in fantastic shape for $20 or $30.

There were a number of other vintage clothing and specialty thrift stores around.

There was the Upstage and C.J.s, bars and clubs originally for your average hard-drinking college students.

There was Club Laga, which (at least in the last couple years of its existence) catered more to the Goth and 80's-nostalgia subcultures.

There was Zelda's a bar...well, anyone who remembers Zelda's knows exactly what that place was, right down to them being full of underage kids the night they got shut down.

Then there was the Beehive.  The Beehive was the place where everyone, no matter your subculture, congregated. Preppies, hippies, metalheads, punks, Goths, all of them. It was like cheers, but without alcohol. We'd spend entire days in that place, just having long, endless and deep conversations about absolutely nothing, playing card games like Hearts, Lunch Money, Spades, and the ever-hated Malcave. Many people flunked out of school because of hanging out at that place, and it was pretty glorious.

Man, do I have great memories of that place.

But they're all gone, now. The Beehive is a T-Mobile Store. The Attic is, I believe, high-end apartments. The Upstage is an IGA grocery store. C.J.s? A Dunkin' Donuts. Zelda's is a Five Guys. Any cafes that exist are corporate entities like Starbucks and Caribou.

So, so sad. But I suppose that's the way things go. I just miss the days of independent businesses and the spirit of rebellion that was expressed in lifestyle and fashion sense that just doesn't seem to be present anymore. I wonder if, some day, when things in this country get on solid ground again, that sort of thing will make a comeback. I sincerely hope it does, because I'd like to think others can have similar experiences to those I did with my group back in the day. For all the drama, there were also some absolutely great times and great memories.

Nice weekend

Life has become something of a rat race for Julie and I lately. We rarely see each other, and hardly get to spend any real time together. When we do sit down together at home, we're both usually just plain tired so even the conversation tends to be minimal.  I'm stressed about my new job (it's good stress; just based on wanting to do well here, but it's still stress) and Julie is always stressed about her job, so it wears on you a bit.

Last week, before I went to my folks to go hunting, she and I had a long talk of the sort couples need to have every so often about where we are, where we're going, life in general...and no, we're not "having problems," so please don't worry about that. Jul and I are just fine--it was just time for a state of the union conversation, get a few things hashed out that we haven't had time to sit down and discuss.

One of the things that occurred to me upon reflection was that Julie and I have somewhat lost touch simply because we don't spend enough time together. We spend too much time with obligations with friends, family, jobs, and other things, and just don't spend time with each other, alone. That, as any healthy couple knows, is a bad thing. And by "spending time alone," I don't mean "sitting at home every night after work watching TV." I mean doing things together, spending the day together. Some time ago, she and I would on occasion just take a day off work together to go out for coffee, see a movie, whatever, but our current jobs (hers especially) don't provide for that sort of thing anymore, which makes it tougher.

So I decided last week that she and I should spend the day together this Saturday without anyone else around. I was supposed to go hunting again, but this was more important, so I called up Dad and told him I wasn't making it out, as Julie and I had plans.

Saturday, then, we went out to an early lunch at a local buffet we like, and then we did a double-feature at the local $1.00 theater, to see Brave and Snow White and the Huntsman. Both were films that Julie had really wanted to see in the theater, but we missed on first run, so this seemed a great opportunity.  I don't want to turn this into a movie review, so I'll just say Brave was outstanding (and I generally abhor Pixar), while Snow White was worth the 2 bucks we spent on it, but was incredibly disappointing and forgettable overall.

Between the movies we went to a few Halloween stores, and dropped in at a local comics/gaming store and book store. We had a really, really nice day together, and it was something I think we both sorely needed.

Yesterday we went to drop off some paperwork at her second, part-time job, then stopped at the store so I could get stuff to cook for the gaming group as it was my turn. Then we met up with Ken, Rya, and Brennan to go out to Simmonds Farm, a local farm and produce vendor, where we picked apples and bought pumpkins. Then Jul and I stopped for lunch on the way home. When we got home, I prepped a bit for gaming, watched some movies on DVD to try and get into the mood, and then cooked for everyone (tacos and Mexican rice).  We ended up not playing Conan, as two important players in that game are out for the next few weeks; instead, to everyone's delight, we got characters converted over for my Doctor Who RPG and I ran a brief vignette session of that game to get everyone back into the story for when I pick it up again full time. Still kind of getting a feel for the official Who RPG rules, but it should work out okay.

Overall, it was a really nice weekend for she and I (at least, I think it was, and I hope she does as well) and something we need to do more often. Life moves too fast for us all in 2012, and I think it's important every so often to take a weekend to ignore everything that you "just have to get done!!!" to take some time to enjoy life with your significant other. When things turn into a blur, when you start to feel tired all the time, it's okay to back off for a while and take a minute to enjoy the sun. It's also possible to be too social--if you're going out to hang with friends so often that it's starting to feel like an obligation, it might be time to tell your friends you need to take a little time to "hermit up," as I call it.  Not forever, but for a couple weeks or so. Real friends and family will understand.

Anyway, I guess that's about all for now. If there's anything to take away from this, it's to remember that grown-ups need to play, too...especially with the person closest to you. 

Carnegie Library LYNCS project - Pittsburgh Public Market CLOSED.

So I forgot to blog about this. About two weeks ago, the Carnegie Library's LYNCS (Library in Your Neighborhood, Community, and School) service point at the Pittsburgh Public Market in the strip district closed down. Julie and I went to the PPM so I could take a last look around. I have to admit, I was a little heartbroken at this. Most of you who know me know also that I've become increasingly and passionately embittered towards libraries in general as a result of what I perceive as hypocrisy or at very least a severe disconnect between the current philosophy of library science, and the lazy reality of it.

That is to say, I spent two years in library school having it drilled into my head that what libraries need to move forward, evolve, and survive is a crop of new librarians just out of school that have new ideas, who embrace the digital world, and who have a fresh outlook and take on the field.

I graduated, and not a single damn library wanted to even interview me. Why? Because I don't have fifteen to twenty years of experience. Never mind the flat-out laundry list of transferable skills I've got, from information-related to administrative and management. Never mind that I carried a 3.87 GPA while working full time at an administration job. Because the word "librarian" followed by "20 years" wasn't written on my resume, I was screwed. And I'm not talking about 15 or 20 resumes, either. I sent out over 200 resumes in the intervening year between graduation and when I gave up. In all that time, I had three interviews. Two were for part time library assistant jobs who told me I was overqualified so they couldn't justify hiring me, and a third that turned out the woman just wanted to meet me because my resume was so impressive, but who was threatened by my skills set so she didn't want to offer me a job (she pretty much told me as much--"if I hire you, you'll be replacing me within a year.").

Eventually I decided, "Fine, if libraries don't want me, I don't want them either. They can all go to Hell." I wrote my Master's degree off as a waste of time and money (save for a couple good friends I made) and turned back to my current career trajectory, moving up to a full-on business administrator position, which is not a dream job but which doesn't suck, either, and which pays a lot more than a starting librarian position does.

But I digress.

I was, actually, pretty heartbroken at the closing of the LYNCS branch. I helped to open and establish that service point. I co-wrote a published article for the ALA's Public Libraries journal about the process, about what LYNCS represents for the future of libraries, and I've gotten amazing direct feedback about it from librarians all over the country.

And yet, none of the libraries here will hire me.

Sorry, there I go again.

So Julie and I went down that last weekend.  The PPM is starting to close down for the winter--not close down, per se, but the number of vendors in the fall and winter months decrease drastically. Still, I love the PPM. It's a great place. It just feels good in there--there's a good vibe about it. So we went down, and walked around the small LYNCS area (which was only maybe 10 x 10 or 11 x 11, maybe). We browsed the shelves, looked at some neat books they had there, I looked at their DVD collection, and just remembered the Marketing class in which our entire semester was devoted to putting this library together. Honestly, I welled up a bit. It made me sad to see it go. I'm not sure if that was the plan all along, for it to be temporary, if they refocused their plans for LYNCS, or if the service point was seen as a failure, but for whatever reason, I really wish the experiment had lasted longer than a year and a half.

Another part of my past gone away, but still, it was an achievement that nobody can ever take away. Even if the libraries around here don't see me as a worthwhile contributor to their staff, at least I got to do that. At least I got to make a contribution, once.

Amazing Adventures!!!

Like Pulp adventure? Want to celebrate the re-release of the Indiana Jones movies in theaters, and do it in style? Can't get enough Lovecraftian horror? Or is Robert E. Howard's El Borak and Sailor Steve Costagan more your style? What about the Shadow, or Doc Savage? Well, then, don't forget to stop by the Troll Lord Games brand new preorder page and put in your order for my pulp role playing game Amazing Adventures, which will be shipping in a couple of weeks! Support the Crusade--Troll Lord puts out great stuff and I'm proud to be publishing with them!

 I have also done a chat at IRC #RPGNet recently about AA and my new World War II book for Eden Studios' All Flesh Must Be Eaten line, Band of Zombies.  The chat log for that Q&A is available for those wanting more information than is here.   

That’s when all Hell broke loose. The back window shattered, there was a distinct “ZING!” sound, and the front window followed suit. Kate let out a yelp and jerked the wheel, sending us into a fishtail. I grabbed the door frame and held on for dear life while drawing my Colt 1911. I looked over my shoulder, and sure enough there was that pink Model T. I couldn’t see if Frenchie was behind the wheel; too much sun glare off the windows. But two goons leaned out. At first I assumed they just had pistols. I leaned out the window to draw a bead, and that’s when the one goon opened up with a bloody fire-spewing hand-cannon.

I ducked back into the car. “Great,” I muttered. “Just my luck. The SOB’s got a Tommy Gun.”

Kate snorted. “Look at the bright side. He can’t aim very well on full auto.”

“That’s a bright side?”

Another long burst of fire went wild into the air. Tires squealed as cars bootlegged around us, and the screams of bystanders rang out.

Kate jerked the wheel left, down a narrow alley, just as I pulled up to lean out again. I nearly toppled head-first out the window into a wall. My fedora flew off my head.
 
This was definitely turning into a bad day.

“Geez, Doll, watch it!” I said, and squeezed off a couple shots as the goon with the Thompson tried to reload. He ducked back into the car while his buddy returned fire.

Welcome to two-fisted adventure with the SIEGE engine!

Amazing Adventures, the newest core game powered by Troll Lord Games’ celebrated SIEGE engine, allows you to create any type of pulp adventure hero you want, and customize them as you like! Be it arcane scholars, mentalists, tomb-raiding archaeologists, Asian martial arts masters, or gangsters and G-Men, this game has you covered. And best of all, if you’re a fan of Castles & Crusades, you can pick this game up and get playing in a matter of minutes! Inside this book you’ll find:

• Eight brand new character classes: Arcanist, Gadgeteer, Gumshoe, Hooligan, Mentalist, Pugilist, Raider, and Socialite
• Character customization options: Generic Class Abilities, Traits, Backgrounds, Fate Points, Pulp Costumes, Sanity rules, and more!
• A streamlined presentation of the SIEGE engine, which uses a single Challenge Base
• Rules for vehicular combat
• Guidelines on how to run a pulp game
• A complete Monster section with all kinds of pulp beasties from giant apes to Lovecraftian horrors
• A complete starting adventure for 4-6 new pulp heroes
• And tons more!

 

 

Good morning, Blogosphere!

So I have been very neglectful of my blogs over the past, oh, year or two. My postings have been infrequent at best. The reason for this, as many of you know, is that I've been going through a very dark place in my life. Very stressful, very depressing, just generally not a good place to be. Thanks to the mercy of St. John's Wort, I got to a point where I could cope, but I still wasn't getting things done outside of my soul-crushing job at the time.

That's all changing. I am at a new job now, and so far it's going great. It was a major step up, a lot of really nice people, but a lot to learn and a ton of new responsibility. As such, I'm much happier, but I'm also tired a lot from all the learning. Still, the positive outlook gives me more energy to spare, and just in time, as I've got some new projects coming to fruition to which I need to devote time and energy.

What this means is, I'm really hoping to kick my blogging back up soon. So I appreciate everyone that's stuck around through the darkness, and keep your eyes peeled; hopefully I'll have some good new stuff coming soon on all of my blogs.

Why our society is falling the f*** apart.

I have come to a conclusion recently about why our country is falling the fuck apart, and it's all tied into the fact that we've forgotten, as a group, the most basic rule of life.

Keep it simple.

We overcomplicate everything in our world. We think the answer to everything is extensive discourse, ad nauseum. This doesn't lead to anything except gross overreaction in most cases. Take the issue of bigotry in society, for example. Has anyone noticed that the more we talk about it, the more it's not getting better, and indeed is leading to rather disgusting examples of white people (who are so far removed from the plight of minorities that they can't possibly begin to relate) "defending" the poor, beleaguered minorities as if they can't defend themselves? This, my friends, is bigotry--an assumption that a person of another race, gender, or sexual proclivity requires your defense. Indeed, to many minorities such assumptions are as insulting and hurtful as more overtly negative forms of hate speech.

Morgan Freeman had the following to say regarding the issue on 60 minutes (check snopes - this is true):

MIKE WALLACE, CBS`s "60 MINUTES": Black History Month, you find...

MORGAN FREEMAN, ACTOR: Ridiculous.

WALLACE: Why?

FREEMAN: You`re going to relegate my history to a month?

WALLACE: Come on.

FREEMAN: What do you do with yours? Which month is White History Month? Come on, tell me.

WALLACE: I`m Jewish.

FREEMAN: OK. Which month is Jewish History Month?

WALLACE: There isn`t one.

FREEMAN: Why not? Do you want one?

WALLACE: No, no.

FREEMAN: I don`t either. I don`t want a Black History Month. Black history is American history.

WALLACE: How are we going to get rid of racism until...?

FREEMAN: Stop talking about it. I`m going to stop calling you a white man. And I`m going to ask you to stop calling me a black man. I know you as Mike Wallace. You know me as Morgan Freeman. You`re not going to say, "I know this white guy named Mike Wallace." Hear what I`m saying?


A southern rock band, Lynyrd Skynyrd, has a song that contains incredible advice from start to finish. It's advice we as a culture and society have completely lost, and desperately need to get back.  Let me put it forth here:


Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say
And if you do this, it'll help you
Some sunny day


Just take your time, don't live too fast
Troubles will come and they will pass
You'll find a woman, and you'll find love
And don't forget, son, there is someone up above


And be a simple kind of man
Oh, be something you'll love and understand
Baby, be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me, son, if you can?

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul
And you can do this, oh, baby, if you try
All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied

And be a simple kind of man
Oh, be something you'll love and understand
Baby, be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me, son, if you can?

Boy, don't you worry, you'll find yourself
Follow your heart and nothing else
And you can do this, oh, baby, if you try
All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied

And be a simple kind of man
Oh, be something you'll love and understand
Baby, be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me, son, if you can?

Now I don't doubt that someone is going to come along and be offended because they're an atheist and the song mentions "someone up above," or because they're gay and the song mentions "finding a woman," but those people are part of the problem. We as a society look for reasons to be pissed off and offended these days, and all we do, then, is scream about it on message boards and facebook.

That's kind of like getting on top of a building in the suburbs in the middle of the night and screaming incoherently at the top of your lungs for an hour. You're not accomplishing anything but irritating a lot of people.

You're also, in the case of the lyrics above, missing the point entirely because you're so busy looking for something to be pissed off about.

The point of those lyrics is that we don't need all this complicated shit society keeps heaping upon us every day. All we need is the basics. Keep it simple and you'll find yourself far happier than you are in pursuing mounds of "stuff" and "prestige." Even if you become rich and successful by some quirk of fate (or hard work) never forget where you come from, never forget that all you need is the basics, and never forget that life is a gift that we should all enjoy, regardless of whether this gift comes from a deity, the cosmos, or a quirk of genetics. The song was written by a straight man with a straight man's outlook, so of course it mentions finding a woman in conjunction with finding love, but it never makes any assumption that one can only find love in a heterosexual sense. The point is the "you'll find love" part.

And the fact that I had to take time out of this blog to defend that is sickening.

Faith is not bad. Nor is atheism. Where they both become problematic is when we get dogmatic about them and start trying to lord them over other people. Hell, even Christ admonished his followers to keep their religion behind closed doors and not to kneel and pray in public. The same goes for atheists. Who do you think you're convincing by announcing that your belief structure - be it supernatural or science-based - makes you better than someone else? What do you think you're accomplishing?

People need to get over themselves. Personally, I'm tired of politics and politicians. I'm tired of the religious and the atheists. I'm tired of reality TV celebrity culture. I'm tired of people criticizing movies and books because they're not complex and deep enough. I'm tired of people looking for things to get outraged about, but then not doing anything practical to try and effect change, as though bitching on facebook is enough.

And yes, I realize that on some level this blog is doing something similar. But in this case I'm not really trying to convince anyone of anything because everyone is so self-important about their mute self-righteous rage, trying to convince them is an exercise in futility.

Nope, I guess what I'm doing here is akin to the guy walking down the street with the "THE END IS NIGH" sandwich board. I think we're too far gone to go back. We're witnessing the burning of Rome, and our government is playing the fiddle and dancing in the streets while the rest of us are blissfully unaware and unwilling to be woken up.

Come to think of it, maybe that crazy "THE END IS NIGH" dude isn't so far off base.  I guess all I can do is try to take my own advice, keep things simple, enjoy what I've got and enjoy the gift of life I've got, and continue to do so until I no longer can.

Help me with a kickstarter!

As some of you are no doubt aware, I freelance for Eden Studios (amongst others). My latest book, Band of Zombies, is currently wrapping up a kickstarter. We have made our initial funding goal, which is great, but we have 31 hours left to go and we are SO close to meeting our stretch goal--less than $200 to go!

If you've got a couple bucks to throw our way, it'd be very appreciated.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1801360072/all-flesh-must-be-eaten-rpg-band-of-zombies-source


"We few, we rotting few, we band of zombies;
For he today that eats his flesh with me
Shall be a zombie; be he e'er so vile..."

...a grayish blur launched from the shadows. Alexei went down quickly, his throat torn out in one swipe of a black claw. He clawed at the gaping wound in his throat, gurgled, and lay still.Yuri fired a shot, point-blank range, into the thing’s head. It hit the ground and twitched, then lay still. A low growl came from the shadows and three more of the monsters lumbered forth. Movement to Yuri’s left drew his gaze; the creature he’d shot was sitting up, black blood pouring down between its eyes. The four creatures closed in just as the booming roar of a renewed German shelling attack sounded in the distance. Yuri began to scream.

Band of Zombies is the new World War II sourcebook for the All Flesh Must Be Eaten RPG, and it is positively packed with new surprises. Inside you will find:
• New Qualities, Drawbacks, Inspired Miracles, and Zombie Aspects
• Detailed Rules for Dogfighting and Naval Combat
• Rules for Shell Shock, Combat Stress, and Madness
• New gear, from guns to aircraft to naval vessels to tanks
• Mass Combat rules
• The first (optional) tactical miniatures skirmish rules for the Unisystem!
• The first complete and detailed campaign setting for All Flesh Must Be Eaten. Different types of Zombies the world over, all tied to the exact same Rise Event, create a worldwide plague of undead during the Greatest War.
• Advice on running campaigns in World War II, from fire teams to commando squads, to SOE operatives behind enemy lines.
• And more!

So strap on your rucksack, hoist your SMG, keep your socks dry, and for cripes' sake, Private, don't forget the call sign! When they come shambling out of the dark, will you stand tall or join the armies of the dead?

Vey's Razor: ponderings on careers and higher education

It’s a simple fact that many people who go to school for any sort of degree, be it bachelor’s or an advanced degree, often end up working in a field that’s different from the one that they studied.  The exceptions to this rule may be those with associate’s degrees from technical schools (which focus squarely on one career choice and often provide exceptional career-match services) and PhD’s, wherein you’ve put so much into a degree that working in that field is pretty much all you’ve got left.

You see, there’s an interesting process in effect here which I’m going to propose and call Vey’s Razor. The common wisdom is that higher education opens doors, and yet people with higher end degrees are having extremely difficult times finding jobs and especially changing careers. There are a lot of societal factors in play that make this a seemingly complicated issue; if higher education opens doors, why is it so hard for those with higher education to find employment?  Certainly the economy is a factor, but I also posit this is only true to a point; in fact, the higher you go in education, the more doors close to you. This is because once you achieve Master’s or Doctoral level, you are then seen as overqualified to do many jobs outside of the one that you studied, while at the same time are considered underqualified in your field if you have not done an internship or had prior experience. In this sense, education is actually a practical hindrance to employment. This, in any case, has been my experience thus far.  I completed my Master’s degree over a year ago and only recently have had any sort of nibbles for employment, and these have not been in the field that I studied, but rather in a field where a “generic” amount of education is always seen as valuable: business administration.

Another paradox comes into play—people who don’t have an MBA are sometimes seen as more valuable as administrators than those who do.  Why?  Because employers are looking for well-rounded administrators.  Thus, those who have degrees in, say, humanities with graduate studies in information science and a number of years of experience working in low-level management or even as an executive assistant, are sometimes seen as more valuable than those who have pursued an MBA, which is firstly a wildly common degree, now, and secondly tends to create a rather dogmatic outlook in those who possess it.  This of course is not true in all cases, but seems to be a trend that I’ve observed.

It’s a confusing time, overall, for one who is pursuing advanced degrees and/or trying to change careers. In many ways a lot of us are simply locked into the career path we’re already in—as much as we’d like to believe otherwise there is precious little cultural mobility in our society. If you work hard and play the right cards you can potentially move upward in your current trajectory, but making a right or left turn is a much trickier prospect.

Why am I pontificating on all of this? It’s because a year in with almost no interest in my resume and a single interview that was…bizarre, at best, I’ve pretty much given up hope of finding a job in a library, working as a librarian.  I’m still applying for the jobs as they come along, but I’m just not waiting for those interview calls anymore.  I’ve tried thinking outside the box, looking for other ways to apply my information management skills, but even that has yielded no fruit as most people want computer programming skills to go in hand with the information part, and those I do not have. So I began looking back to the career path I’m already in, trying to find a way I could be happy, and I determined that the real problem is I’m not challenged at all in my current job, merely frustrated by it. I have, thus, begun putting in for jobs that are well above my current pay grade.  “What have I got to lose?” I figured.  I have administrative skills, and I believe they are skills that could develop to make me a very effective upper level administrator.

Things may be coming to fruition.  There’s still a chance that a certain person who has proved a bane to me in the past (and who wants to keep me trapped exactly where I am, as I am “too valuable” to let go) could queer this entire venture…but if I can get past that particular hurdle, I could be looking at kicking open a door that I’ve been trying to get through for a long time.  I may have come to the end of my plateau and reached a rather high level which would solve a lot of problems and get me into a position where not only would I be challenged and hopefully more fulfilled, but can feel as though I’m actually doing an important job, which I don’t feel right now.

I don’t want to jinx things by posting too many details. Those close to me know what I’m talking about.  Everyone else, please, just wish me as much luck as possible.  Thanks!

My Head Space Lately

I’ve taken a lot of flak from people lately for feeling down about myself and where I am in my life. I’m sure that it’s not the intent of those around me to be giving me flak about it, and I appreciate that they care about me and are concerned. Unfortunately, I fear that people just aren’t getting it.  What lies below is (greatly) expanded from an excerpt from an e-mail I sent my dad this morning which I hope helps to clarify where and why I am in the space I’m in lately.

So, recently I had a whopping three job opportunities come up at once after years of not even getting callbacks.  One of these jobs was actually at a library, which was really exciting.  Another was to move into a different position in my department—one which would’ve been exciting and play to the skills for which I’ve been trained.  A third is a “don’t hedge your bets” position in another department. 

Of the three, only the “don’t hedge your bets” job seems to be panning out.  The library interview was, well, just bizarre. The woman talked a great deal about how impressive my resume was, how well-rounded and personable I was, and how she could see me getting promoted very fast through the ranks, but I’m not sure she even knew what she wanted from the position for which I was interviewing, and I got the distinct impression that she was very impressed but wanted someone, well, less impressive. I left confused, but feeling a bit better about my chances for a library job in general after talking with her.

I’m going to focus on the job here.  They hired someone else for the job behind my back and I'm told that the supervisor for that job is furious about it as he wanted me in the position. I'm really pissed about it because when another, similar job came up about a year ago, a co-worker who wanted that one had it just handed it to him, whereas they made me go through a dog and pony show for this job when my boss never even really seriously considered me for it.  He was pretty blunt about it when we talked Friday, that it was because he likes having me where I am. I'm "too valuable" in my current position. He is very lucky that my fear of ending up homeless and penniless outweighs my anger. I very nearly walked out of his office and straight to my car when he told me they'd hired a work-study student who just finished school for a job that I shouldn't even have had to compete for in the first place. I did tell him point-blank when he asked me what he could do to make me happier where I am that I'm sick of being someone's assistant, making banal phone calls to confirm whether the subway in Boston goes past a given hotel, scheduling meetings and sitting on a reception desk when I'm 38 years old with a Master's Degree...but he showed little desire to actually fix any of those issues (all of which would be easy fixes for him to make, but I won't bore you with the details of that mess).

I was really beyond upset --I felt like I was never going to get past the "swing and a miss" thing that keeps happening to me over and over and over and over again. On Saturday we went to a party with a group of friends and family at a rather expensive restaurant downtown. I had an appetizer and a bowl of soup. Now, I didn't only eat small because I was broke--I had very little appetite because I was still upset, though it did serve to remind me that I feel like I'm the only one in our entire group still living hand-to-mouth. It is, quite frankly, embarrassing to me.

It seems like I always get right to the cusp of something good happening, and it then just falls apart at the last minute or never quite makes it to where I'd hope it should. I got to publish a novel. I’m still not convinced it was because the novel was great; I got it in the door at least partially because of being friends with someone in the company, and it hasn’t exactly sold gangbusters—few people despite my best efforts even know it exists and it’ll likely never see store shelves. And let’s face it—my own family and some close friends have told me, “this is not your best work.”

I have a second book ready to go that I’m very proud of—no traditional publishers will even give it a look.  I could self-publish it and I even had someone volunteer really excellent cover art for it…but I’m about $250 short of actually being able to buy the ISBN numbers to do so. And yes, I’m SO broke right now that $250 may as well be $25,000. I’m also fairly certain there will be other costs that will arise which I haven’t thought of yet.

So, how about my game writing, which a close friend pointed out to me I’ve still got. Here’s how that’s panning out. I’ve done sourcebooks for a company that have consistently sold out and gotten rave reviews, but when the opportunity to do a core game comes up…it’s handed to another writer who sat on it for several years and still hasn’t turned in a finished manuscript. Also, my latest sourcebook has been done for a whopping seven years without seeing the light of day.  Why I’m not good enough to handle a core game for them when my sourcebooks are that popular is beyond me.  Please note I'm not blaming any publishers here, just wondering what it is that I am not doing right. I have a core game coming out (hopefully) very soon for another company, so we’ll see how that does. I self-published my own game which made waves when it first came out, but then of course my life went crazy with grad school and I had to turn my attention elsewhere, and by the time I got back to it, well, the market was flooded with similar games and nobody was interested in mine anymore.  I have several other games in varying stages of completion but they’ll probably never see the light of day…because I can’t afford to give them a decent art budget (or again, buy ISBN numbers).  

This pattern that keeps happening has been making me feel like an utter failure lately, like I'm the only one that doesn't get to have any real success no matter how hard I try or no matter how hard I bust my ass to make something happen--I'm only good enough to get a teaser of it that never quite gets there and I don't know why I don't deserve to have some real success in my life. Certain people around me seem to think I still just glide through life and don’t put any effort into anything because I was stupid when I was younger, and the truth is I've busted my ass over the past several years to try and make good on SOMETHING, but it just doesn't happen. I get little victories, but the gold ring remains forever out of my reach--hell, I'd even be happy with a silver ring.

I haven’t been writing lately.  A lot of people seem to think that writing is easy for you if you’re a writer: you have an idea, you put it on paper.  It doesn’t work that way. When I write I am utterly exhausted by the time I’m done—both physically and mentally.  It takes a great deal out of you to pour yourself out on paper that way. I love it more than anything in the world, but here’s the rub: if I’m already always physically and mentally exhausted, where is there to go?  People also don’t seem to take it seriously, my writing. They treat it as something I do whenever I have a few minutes and they’re happy and proud of me when I publish something, but I really feel like the minute I refer to or treat it as a job that I want to pursue, something that requires me to actually make a commitment, people (some people, anyway) look at it with disdain, as though there are more important things I should be doing. No writer ever made it by treating writing as something you do when you have a few minutes of spare time, and I wish people would understand that when I say I’m not available to do something, be it hang out or help them with a project, because I’m writing, they need to treat that exactly the same as if I said “I have to work,” and not get pissed at me and act like I’m blowing them off because I don’t want to be there.

People keep telling me I have to stop measuring my value based on my day job, and it’s a sentiment I understand and appreciate.  That being said, I also keep noticing that the people telling me that are measurably more successful in their careers than I am, and they're doing worthwhile jobs. So none of them really get what this is like.  Also, I’m not generally a guy who says, “I just want to be left alone,” so seriously, when I do say it, I mean it. People who do that all the time aren’t doing themselves any good. Those of us who recognize that often spending time with others is good for the soul, but still say “I want to be alone?” Those are the people you can take at their word. Sometimes you need to just let your head space clear up. I appreciate the concern of those around me, but I’m here to tell you that if you’re worried about me doing something stupid when you leave me alone…don’t. That is never going to happen. Ever. There is nothing in the world that could actually drive me to those kinds of thoughts or actions.  I mean that. Absolutely nothing.

Large chunks of my life suck right now, but trust me: I’ll survive.

Been awhile.

Things have been a bit nuts and it's been hard to keep up with the blogs. Truth is, generally I get home after work every day and am so emotionally drained I often can't think about working in front of a computer anymore, or doing anything for that matter, which has been really damning not only to my writing but to my health and general attitude.  Something has to give on that front, and soon.

Speaking of which, some minor developments on the job front. I had a meeting with a lovely woman who runs one of our local public libraries this week.  It was a sort of half interview/half networking meeting (I'm not sure she knows what she's looking for out of a position she's got open currently).  I think and hope I made a good impression: she did say that even if this position didn't work out she'd keep me in mind for the future, hopes I keep in touch, and would like to help me out if she can.  So that was something--certainly it was more than I've gotten up till this point.

I have had a few interviews with other departments at Pitt; nothing strictly library-related, but stuff that would make use of the information management part of the degree, so that would at least be a step in the right direction.  There are a few things that could go wrong, still, but they're kind of on a personal level so I won't be posting them here. I can say they're directly related to the fact that my current boss wants to keep me exactly where I am...which unfortunately for him is exactly where I don't want to be. I am, for example, up for another position in our department for which everyone (including the position's direct supervisor) feels I'm the perfect fit, but my current boss has been doing everything he can to roadblock the hiring.

In any case, working here isn't going to get me into the LIS field anyway, so it's high time to look to move on.  I have begun reaching out to some local librarians and library directors online in hopes that someone will take a look at my resume and give me some advice, thoughts, what-have-you. If I have to network, then I need to start networking. Hopefully my efforts bear some fruit.

Julie and I have talked here and there about starting a family (I love that phrase, by the by, as if Julie and I aren't already a family until we have children).  Regardless, we've talked about having kids.  I think we're both at the place where we'd kind of like to. Unfortunately it's not in the cards for economic reasons and that's making things rough on both of us.  And yes, I know that everyone says you're never ready, you can never afford it, blah, blah, blah, but the simple truth of the matter is that right now she and I are drowning in debt to the point where we could not afford to buy diapers and food for the child. We are both possessed of maxed-out credit cards that we can't seem to get leeway on, we're (barely) living paycheck to paycheck, and we make too much money to get public assistance. Unfortunately, I can't even do a debt consolidation loan because I don't have enough equity in my house to pull it off, and my debt-to-income ratio is too high to get an unsecured loan. This kind of sucks because I'm going on 38.  At some point you just get too old to be an effective parent by the time your kid becomes a teenager.

Blah.  Why did I wait so long to finally try to get my shit together? 

I guess we'll figure something out.  We always do.  I just need to somehow come up with a quick twelve grand and will be good to go.  That's not too hard, is it?  I mean, there has to be a bag of $100 bills just laying around with my name on it, right?

And pigs might fly.

Amazing Adventures up for pre-order!

http://www.trolllord.com/cnc/aa_preorder.html

As some of you may or may not know, awhile back I wrote a core roleplaying game for Troll Lord Games. It's a pulp-era RPG that is powered by the same rules system that runs their popular Castles & Crusades RPG, and is entitled Amazing Adventures.

The game hit many, many, many production-related stumbling blocks, and has been in what the motion picture industry refers to as "Development Hell" for quite some time. But this week things moved forward full-steam; I approved the final edits, and now, at long last, pre-orders have been opened for it!  The pre-order system TLG is using is very similar to Kickstarter, but they're doing it on their own website. There are multiple levels of order, from 99 cents (which doesn't get you the game, but they promise to toast you at one of their in-house sessions) to $100, which gets you not only the game in physical softcover and ebook format, but five "players guide" versions of the game, t-shirts, six limited edition art prints, GM screens, and an advance copy of an adventure I'm working on for it right now. There are varying levels between that gain you elements of the above (ebook, book, t-shirts, screens, art prints, adventure, etc.)

I'm actually almost jealous and tempted to drop $100 on my own game just to get that bunch of swag. 

Here's the sales blurb:

Amazing Adventures, the newest core game powered by Troll Lord Games' celebrated SIEGE engine, allows you to create any type of pulp adventure hero you want, and customize them as you like! Be it arcane scholars, mentalists, tomb-raiding archaeologists, Asian martial arts masters, or gangsters and G-Men, this game has you covered. And best of all, if you're a fan of Castles & Crusades, you can pick this game up and get playing in a matter of minutes! Inside this book you'll find:

* Eight brand new character classes: Arcanist, Gadgeteer, Gumshoe, Hooligan, Mentalist, Pugilist, Raider, and Socialite
* Character customization options: Generic Class Abilities, Traits, Backgrounds, Fate Points, Pulp Costumes, Sanity rules, and more!
* A streamlined presentation of the SIEGE engine, which uses a single Challenge Base
* Rules for vehicular combat Guidelines on how to run a pulp game
* A complete Monster section with all kinds of pulp beasties from giant apes to Lovecraftian horrors
* A complete starting adventure for 4-6 new pulp heroes
* And tons more!

In any case, I'm putting the word out there in hopes that some of you may be interested enough to throw in a pre-order. It'll help me immensely and will fund the book so we can get it out for Gen Con.

Cheers!

Pretty Good Weekend

The past few days, life has been pretty good.  I don’t get to say that very often these days, so it was nice to have that.

 

As many of my readers are probably aware, I got a new car on Thursday.  The high-maintenance bitch I’ve been driving for four years is gone.  Mike and I changed out the radiator on it about two weeks ago, and this past week, the water pump went bad.  When the garage told me it was going to cost $435 or so to replace it, it occurred to me that since I was putting $500 every two months into that car, I may as well be making a car payment on a new one. Toyota had a really nice lease deal going on for brand new Rav4’s, so I walked into the office on Thursday and told the first salesperson I saw that I had a trade-in for which I’d like to get $3,000, and if he could cut me a good deal I might be driving away with a new car.

 

I knew I wasn’t getting 3 grand, but when negotiating you start high.  I ended up getting $2,000 for the Saturn, plus $1,000 for being a recent college grad, and a $500 lease incentive, which put me a good bit ahead of the game for a downpayment, and about 3 hours later I drove off the lot in a brand spanking new Rav4 with really reasonable monthly payments. I was a little concerned that there might be hiccups with my credit check (not my rating, which I know is good, but potentially with my income-debt ratio), but everything went through quick, smooth, and easy. It was a really nice feeling to have that happen for a change. They gave me the financing amount for if I choose to buy it out at the end of the lease, and it’s a pretty low number—low enough that I’m thinking in 3 years, if they’re willing to give me an extended warranty and an affordable loan term, I may well keep the girl.

 

Funny part is, I drove to our friends’ place for gaming right after that, as I do every Thursday, and realized when I got there that my car is identical to theirs in every way—even color.  Theirs is a 2010, but there’s really no difference in the look of the car between 2010 and 2012. It was a funny coincidence because I essentially told him the first one he showed me looked great (which it did). They call the color Pyrite, which is a sort of cross between slate and a dark gold. Not a ton of bells and whistles, but it’s got more than I need. AWD AND 4WD, which is helpful, plus I had fun playing with the USB port and built-in Bluetooth hands free setup.  I get free maintenance for the term of the lease, plus a really nice factory warranty, which means essentially I’ll be paying for tires and brakes, and that’s about it.

 

Of course, I drove everywhere between Thursday and yesterday because everyone wanted to see it (and I wanted to show off my new girl).

 

In short: I think I’m in love, and it’s a love affair I hope will last a long time.

 

Friday night we picked up Mike and took her for a drive, out to Half-Price books to trade some things in, and then to dinner.  Saturday I drove out to my folks’ house to show it off to them, and they took Julie and me out to lunch; later on we met up with Sara, Ian, Taej, Jackie, Mike, and my dad for a few beers at Hough’s (a local bar with an excellent beer selection)—I had only one beer since I was driving, but it’s always nice to spend time with friends and family. Ian also got a new SUV recently, so he and I showed off our cars to each other.

 

Yesterday there was no gaming, as Robert is scheduled to run next and he was out of town; this worked out nicely because it was also our friend George’s birthday, so Julie and I went over to George’s place and hung out with the Thursday gaming group, George’s wife Kim, and their kids.  By then I was a bit tired of driving everywhere so Julie drove.

 

There was a lot of back-and-forth and out-and-about this weekend, but it was all of the relaxing sort. It was nice to have a couple of days to recharge the ol’ batteries, and have nothing weighing on my mind at all.  I’d like to hope this marks a changing in Julie’s and my fortunes for awhile, but I try never to get my hopes up about things like that.

 

I could still really use a library job, however, or at least a job that doesn’t see me acting as someone’s administrative assistant.  That’d be aces.

 

Anyway, it was a good weekend. I got a new car, I got to spend time with friends and family, and I got to relax and just enjoy life for a couple days. Here’s to hoping it stays that way for awhile.

Please, God...

Let this work out.  Please. Just this one thing...

The BRIGHT Future of Libraries - a Rant

So a friend of mine sent me this link which includes a bunch of articles about the future of libraries.  Before I go on the rant I’m about to unleash, I’d like to say by way of full disclosure that I have not read any of them yet.  I plan to read through and post my reactions on each one as I have time.  For now, though, looking at the titles, a number of these are from angry Internet pundits who are lovers of technology and who possess an unreasoning distaste for libraries, who are predicting the downfall of libraries because the idea of buildings full of books is outmoded and archaic in an era when everything is FREE ONLINE!!!

I’ll be honest: I wish these uneducated morons would just stop, shut up, and go away. It’s their opinions that are invalid and archaic, as is their understandings of what libraries are and what they do.  Now, it’s possible that I’m way off-base about the nature of these articles; as I’ve said I have not yet read them.  However, it got me going on a pet peeve that I’m sick and tired of hearing, so I felt like laying a few things out.

Let me point out a few things.

1.       Libraries are FAR more than “buildings full of books.”  Nowadays you can borrow not just books, but DVDs, Blu Rays and CDs.  And let’s not forget, folks: Netflix ain’t free, so while you in your cushy middle-class easy chair might enjoy unlimited streaming and DVD rentals for $20/month, not everyone can afford that kind of luxury.  Libraries also lend tablets like the iPad and e-readers like the Kindle and Nook, providing access to technologies that many of these people can’t afford, so they can actually access these kinds of technology-based luxuries that for many of us have sadly become necessity. And while the delivery systems may still need some work, many libraries also offer extensive e-book download collections.

2.       In addition to physical rentals, libraries also provide…wait for it…INTERNET ACCESS. Contrary to the Ivory Tower beliefs of the idiots who write these articles, not everyone in the United States, let alone the world, has or can afford Internet Access at home.  Despite statistics that show 95% of households have an Internet-connected device, less than half of the households in the U.S. actually have Internet access—you see, many of the studies that produce these statistics simply count the number of devices in existence, then divide by the number of households without checking actual distribution, which is a difficult prospect to check in the first place.  Other studies simply operate off of a set of interviewees, and these interviewees generally represent a cross-section of the middle class, not the poor.  My home alone has seven or eight Internet-connected devises—that accounts for six or seven households in Homewood that don’t have any at all.  So, for those people who can’t afford Internet access or a laptop, tablet, or smart phone, libraries provide a vital resource for things like news, research, and JOB HUNTING.

3.       This brings me to the next service that libraries provide—Community Resources.  Most public libraries offer extensive and free resources for job searching, resume creation, scholarly research (including vast databases for online scholarly journals and papers that even a comfortable middle-class person couldn’t afford). In addition, many public libraries also maintain extensive community archives, including local papers and historical documents relevant to the local community.  Even in cases where these document archives are made available electronically, who do you think digitizes them and maintains the e-collection? That’s right—Libraries and Librarians.  In addition, libraries provide conferencing and meeting facilities, including fully-furnished conference rooms, and even, in many cases, web and teleconferencing capabilities.  And these facilities are—you guessed it—free.  Think of the advantages this provides to small businesses, or even to no-budget community groups who can make use of such facilities but don’t have the funding to pay for it “downtown.”  Oh, but wait, the poor and small business don’t matter to the “libraries are outmoded” crowd in their (I’ll say it again) Ivory Towers.

4.       A safe place for kids.  People SO de-value this or brush it off anymore, but go to any decent-sized community library and talk to the teens that hang out there (and you’ll be surprised how many there are), or talk to adults who made use of the library when they were teens.  See how many of them will give you stories about how it was the availability of the local library that kept them off the streets, out of gangs, or just on the straight-and-narrow as far as their grades go.  Libraries provide programming such as reading groups, book clubs, speakers, and even gaming groups—both tabletop and electronic—that engage and educate kids in ways that are less forced than school.  In addition, with the Republican war on education going on, school budgets are being slashed and blind school boards are cutting library funding first.  As more school libraries close down, where are students supposed to go to research assignments?  The public libraries are stepping up to fill these roles—at a recent community planning meeting for the Carnegie Libraries of Pittsburgh, a suggestion was put forth for the Carnegie to begin establishing a physical presence in the spaces left vacant by these closed school libraries, setting up satellite locations and service points therein.  Whether this will come to fruition remains to be seen, but the suggestion was met with some approval by those assembled.  So the physical location of a library is indeed important, regardless of what these “digitize the world so we never have to look at other people again” pundits think.

5.       “Google can bring you back 100,000 answers; a librarian can bring you back the right one.” – Neil Gaiman.  A trained information professional, which is what librarians are these days—my degree is in Library and Information Science—is almost always better than a computer search engine, because we rely on people skills and on intuition, intellect, and interview rather than numeric algorithms based on external links. Ask me a reference question and I can after talking to you for a few minutes intuit pretty close to what you need. Ask Google and all it can do is run your Boolean Query through its algorithm and bring you back a million possible choices for what you might want, most of which are based not strictly on what you asked for, but upon comparing keywords with sites that are ranked by the number of hits they’ve had and the number of other sites that link to them, as well as based upon your previous search history (which is why if you and I both search “India,” we might get two completely different sets of results).

6.       Community value: I cannot remember for the life of me where I found this article, but if I can find it I’ll re-post it here.  In the meanwhile, since this is a rant I don’t need to provide scholarly references.  But I read a study within the past year or two that showed neighborhoods that had a library near a grocery store showed higher property values, a higher per capita income, lower crime, and a better sense of well-being amongst the population.  Conversely, communities who closed their libraries and/or grocery stores saw a sharp decline in property values, per capita income and a rise in crime.  I seriously need to try and find this article again because it’s one I think everyone should read, if they think libraries are an outmoded concept.

Now I’ve kind of lost my train of thought, which happens when you’re typing these things between doing other projects.  But I think the point stands—Libraries are not outmoded, and they are not “buildings full of books” – that is to say, they offer a lot more than just books, both in terms of what you can borrow, and in the value they offer and add to any community in which they exist. Anyone who says otherwise has no idea what they’re talking about, but unfortunately open access and the Internet have given a loudspeaker to every moron with a mouth or a keyboard and the ability to construct a sentence, so they can voice their uneducated opinions, and far too many people still think if they read it, it’s true and are happy to consume whatever bile is fed to them by a screen.  Next time you’re curious if a library has any value beyond books, ask someone with a degree in information science—they’ll give you “the right one.”

The Center Does Not Hold...because the Right and Left are tearing it down.

Despite the bad name that people like Jim Quinn give Libertarians, the true definition of a Libertarian is someone who is socially liberal and economically conservative, and who believes that the rights of the people trump the powers of government always. Libertarians believe that people are responsible for themselves, and it’s not the government’s place in any respect to tell you what you can read, what you can say, what you can watch, or what you can put into your body.  The only restrictions on peoples’ rights should be those that result in direct harm to another (save for self-defense situations).  That is to say, your right to swing your fist is unrestricted except at the point where it meets my face—you are not permitted to strike me, and if you do, I have the right to defend myself in kind.  It’s a pretty basic “do unto others” philosophy.

Libertarians do not stand behind arguments like, “drugs should be illegal because if you do drugs you’re hurting the people around you,” because once you bring FEELINGS into the equation, everything gets muddy and you can use FEELINGS to justify any kind of unfair law you like: it should, for example, be illegal for you to say you don’t like me because that hurts my feelings.

It’s not a perfect philosophy, but few are, and much like the U.S. legal system, while it sometimes fails us, it’s the best one out there.

Libertarians believe that marriage has nothing to do with religion, nor is it to be strictly defined as between a man and a woman.  Libertarians believe that adults can be trusted to decide what to put into their body, and that legalizing drugs would not only cripple organized crime, but would create a new tax base that could raise BILLIONS for the government—possibly even making income tax (which we believe to be unconstitutional) no longer necessary, and that legalizing drugs would remove some of the stigma attached to drug addicts and thus make it more socially acceptable for them to seek help if they have a problem with addiction. Such help would also be more readily and openly available, like help for alcoholics is now.  Libertarians are firmly on the pro-choice end of the spectrum in that debate, as we believe that whether or not abortion is morally right is moot; law doesn’t exist to tell us what is right and wrong in a moral sense, but what is good and bad for society. In no way does legal abortion create chaos or interfere with the smooth functioning of society.  We also believe strongly in the Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms, because history shows us that the first thing a totalitarian regime does to solidify its power is disarm the people. When someone asks a libertarian why we need assault rifles to hunt, we reply, “We don’t; we need them to defend our rights from the government.” This is what our forefathers believed when they wrote the Constitution; we know this from additional writings people like Jefferson and Hamilton did to form an exegesis on the Constitution, a sort of “this is what we meant” explanation.  That there is currently a huge disparity in the arms the government has and those the people have is not a rationale for taking MORE guns away from the people; quite the opposite, in fact.

I could go on, but you get the idea where libertarians stand as far as social issues go.  The rights of the people should not be infringed upon by the government, except in specific instances where one person’s actions directly cause physical harm to another person, or where those actions cause a direct impediment on the smooth functioning of society.

Yes, I’m aware that there are those who believe abortion directly causes harm to another person. That’s a HUGE philosophical argument that I’m not even going to begin to address.

Now, if you read a lot of the propaganda about libertarianism (even some of the more poorly communicated stuff put out BY libertarians) it’s easy to think that economically, libertarians are absolutist nut-jobs.  Rest assured, we are not.  While we believe that a completely unregulated economy would be a lovely thing, it’s frankly not practical and suffers from the same inherent problem as absolute socialism: both situations depend upon an ideal situation—an utopian situation, if you will—to be in place before they are implemented…Marx even said as much regarding socialism.  Herein lies the downfall: if you already have an utopia in place, changing it is unnecessary, and likely even detrimental to the delicate balance of said utopia.

So, when libertarians talk about an unregulated free market, this is an ideal towards which to strive, not a realistic situation to simply thrust upon people. Rather, it’s better to have what I like to term a Fair Market economy. Regulations should exist only to the extent that they enforce a truly level playing field across all players—big business, small business, and sole proprietorships should have the exact same strictures, regulations, and benefits. No tax breaks for multimillion dollar corps just because they are multimillion dollar corps; likewise, no special tax breaks just because a company is small, unless said tax breaks can be shown to prove that they would enable the small company to fairly and effectively compete with the large corporation (which in many cases they would). A capitalist economy depends on fair competition, and our corporate laws and economic policies should always be structured to ensure this sort of fair play exists, not to give some parties unfair benefits. We are not opposed to taxes per se.  We are opposed to enforced taxes in which we have no say.  Income tax, for example, is just yanked out of our check every period.  No choice; they just take it.  Sales tax, on the other hand, is by and large (theoretically) a tax of choice. We don’t tax essentials such as clothes and food; luxuries and amenities are taxed, and it’s a tax you choose to pay by purchasing luxuries and amenities.

Also, let’s not forget there are a range of people that fall into the libertarian “spectrum.”  Some are more leftist, some more rightist. I tend towards the center by and large.

Now, why am I laying all this out?  Well, I’ve been thinking about the state of affairs in our country lately.  I am registered Libertarian because most of my beliefs fall in line with that party, but unlike many Republicans and Democrats I know, my party does not think for me and I don’t vote for a candidate just because they have “Libertarian” before their name. I’ve never voted straight-ticket in my life; I use my brain to decide who I’m voting for, not a letter.  And let’s be honest, folks: we are stuck with a 2-party system in the United States right now.  The existence of the Reform Party, Green Party, Libertarian Party, and others are for all practical purposes an illusion. Most of us who don’t remotely agree with the Republicans or Democrats are all too often stuck with casting a vote for the lesser of two evils, or casting a protest vote for other parties, which amounts to little more than blindly screaming into the night.  I’ve been reflecting a lot on this lately, and have recently come to the conclusion that right now, by and large, the democrats are the lesser of the two evils.

Yes, the democrats are WAY into big government and tax-and-spend policies. Yes, they’re WAY into banning guns and WAY into banning or censoring pretty much anything that scares them socially, like video games and music, all for the sake of the nebulous “the children.” And these concern me, pretty much equally across the board, as they’re means to control the way people live and think.  However, the Republicans, while they want to let you keep your guns, have fallen into a mode where they pander to the lowest common denominator of the right. Religious freedom, for example, so long as we remember we’re a Christian country (huh?). Laws based on moral issues of good and evil, right and wrong.

The democrats are pretty consistent, and though they talk a good game, they rarely follow through with the kind of censorship or gun-banning that they preach on a national level, Clinton’s assault weapons ban notwithstanding (some would argue the Brady Bill was a direct attack on gun owners, but while there are issues with the implementation in some cases, I have yet to be convinced that background checks are a bad idea).  Plus, the Supreme Court has been pretty strong in supporting our rights when things like handgun bans go up for challenge, and that’s what the Supreme Court is for. The democrats also aren’t trying to ban gay marriage because it’s morally wrong, take away women’s rights to their bodies, or enforce religion-based legislation upon us.  I’ll be frank: a theocracy scares me a little more than toning down the bloodshed in Call of Duty 5.

It also occurs to me—and here’s the real kicker—that of the three presidents over the past 50-odd years that I would personally consider the most successful, or at least the most popular, two (John F. Kennedy and Bill Clinton) have been Democrats, and the remaining one, Ronald Reagan, gave us a period of apparent prosperity that proved to be pretty illusory in retrospect and was actually only prosperous for the already wealthy. His policies led to a pretty serious economic crash which left George Bush the Elder with the same kind of quagmire that Obama found himself with, and it took the Clinton administration to fix it.  Clinton left office and we had a period of relative prosperity as well as a government budget surplus…a surplus that George Bush the Younger’s administration burned on sending out $250 checks to everyone in the nation and then running up near-record deficits which the Republicans then oddly blamed on the Obama administration.

Now, through the 2000’s, the worst thing I can say about the democrats is that they’ve been pretty half-assed about things. John Kerry didn’t seem to know his ass from a hole in the wall, which proved problematic since he was running on the platform that he DID know better; Bush won out because frankly, the Democratic challengers were weak. Gore was little more than a wishy-washy environmentalist when the country wanted a cowboy, and Kerry changed his mind every twelve seconds about…well, everything.  Kerry only lost because people figured better the devil they knew.

Sure, you can legitimately argue that Gore won that election in 2000, and I’d be hard-pressed to argue back, but my feelings about the outmoded electoral college system are too large for the scope of this blog.

I’m not saying Obama has been a great president; he’s largely maintained the status quo and his “audacity of hope” has turned into more of the same in Washington. While I don’t have specific problems with most of what he’s done (the NDAA debacle aside, and that’s enough, I suppose) he hasn’t been the dynamic communicator to reach across the aisle that we’d all hoped he would be. The economy appears to be recovering, slowly, but that there are still a woeful lack of jobs on Main Street, and gas prices are reaching $4.00 a gallon because he refuses to do what’s necessary to fix it, speak otherwise.  In short, the jury’s still out on the economy.  Oh, and don’t claim there’s nothing Obama can do about gas.  When gas prices threatened to skyrocket during Clinton’s campaign, he opened the strategic reserves and flooded the market—twice—and that fixed the problem for another decade.  Obama is for some reason afraid to do this, likely because our government likes to keep us scared and obedient these days. 

Since Bush, Washington is more polarized than ever, and Obama hasn’t even made baby steps in this area.  Given that most of his platform was “fix the economy, get out of Iraq, and end Washington partisanship,” he’s been something of a failure—Iraq is the only thing he’s pulled off. For the most part, his foreign policy has been nearly identical to Bush’s, just delivered with more tact and class and less of the perception of the U.S. as a blunt object.

So no, Obama hasn’t been what I’d call a shining success story, but he’s been better than Bush.  The world, at least, doesn’t hate us as much as they did, though I expect that’s largely due to Hillary Clinton, who has been a fantastic Secretary of State, IMHO.

At the highest levels of government, it’s tough sometimes to see much difference between Republicans and Democrats.  But at the party level, Republicans have apparently gone completely apeshit insane, while Democrats are coasting along. Of course, the media is to blame for this as well; of the four Republican presidential candidates out there, they continually focus on the most socially insane one of the group—Santorum—who has never even been close to winning the nomination. Seriously, the guy has never even closed the gap between him and Romney.  And the only attack people can level at Romney is, “He’s disconnected from the public because he’s rich.”  Really?  Like the other candidates aren’t?  Criticizing a politician for being rich is like criticizing a dog for having fur.  Now the question is, does Romney actually represent most Republicans out there in his rather centrist views, or has the republican party really, honestly gone off the deep end like they appear to be going?  I just don’t see the kind of political extremism out of the left these days that I see out of the right. I feel like the left is at least capable of reason when it comes to issues that are important to me, like my rights as a citizen, while the right is obsessed with being as conservative as possible and establishing a theocracy of moral law.  I can’t count the number of campaign ads I’ve seen from Republicans claiming to be “the truly conservative candidate.” I look forward to Romney being able to drop that line of crap altogether and focus on his actual, centrist views during the Presidential campaign.  Should be interesting to see how it plays out so long as he doesn’t let himself get trapped by rhetoric or feel too obligated to defend his Mormon beliefs (which he shouldn’t have to do anyway).

This isn’t to say that there haven’t been hyperbolic statements made by the left—“the Republican war on women” comes to mind, when this “war on women” is largely confined to a specific subset of ultra-conservatives and not Republicans in general (and let’s face it; laws passed by some state body in the Bible Belt aren’t indicative of the national state of a party by any stretch). But by and large, the way Democrats are presenting themselves these days is far more, well, sane than the way that Republicans are presenting themselves.

I haven’t made up my mind for whom I’m casting my vote in November—be it Romney, Obama, or some miracle third-party candidate who manages to catch the public’s genuine interest.  And when I do, I probably won’t announce my choice here.  These are just some observations when looking at the landscape of late.  The Republicans are falling apart from the inside out, and someone with a brain in their head, a rational pattern of thought, and some genuinely centrist views needs to step up in that party and clean house, because Americans are sick to death (by and large, with some exceptions) of this extremist crap in Washington.