The Whole Wide World

Prices reduced for Broken Gods ebooks!

2012-01-16T09:35:00.001-05:00

Kindle: $1.41 - http://amzn.to/wrvTvP

Nook: $2.99 - http://bit.ly/zshmxZ

I'm not sure why the disparity--I don't have anything to do with setting the prices. Perhaps B&N charges more of a seller fee than Amazon? Not sure. Either way, it's a pretty good deal for a book that has had consistently good ratings! So if you've been waiting to grab your e-copy, now is the time.

Who wants a free short story?

2012-01-08T14:38:00.003-05:00

http://www.grey-elf.com/ebooks/thedeadmanshand.epub

The above link is to a free epub short story I've written, which will serve as the beginning of book two of a series I am currently writing. To download you'll need to right-click and "Save As," then put it on your ereader or favorite epub reading software (I recommend Barnes & Noble's Nook for PC, which is 100% free).

Enjoy, and spread the word! I'm hoping to get it up in Kindle format soon, but I don't own a Kindle and have not yet messed with those particular Calibre conversion settings, so bear with me...

Also, as you can see over at the right, I'm now on Twitter. Please click the link and follow me, then retweet!

2012--here we go

2012-01-01T12:23:00.003-05:00

So here we are, January 1, 2012, and it feels like something is on the horizon. I hope it's something good. Something good, and something huge. If you buy into the Mayan thing (and have actually bothered to look beyond "the calendar ends" and tabloid sensationalism), this year marks the end of the Sixth World, and the beginning of the Seventh. This means, according to that mythology, that there is a major paradigm shift coming to our world--everything is going to change. No, the world isn't going to end in some kind of fire and brimstone apocalypse, but we're going to see changes in just about everything. Nobody can say exactly what that means, but on one hand the likelihood is that it speaks to the turmoil of the past decade coming to an end at last. It means a new start, and that's never a bad thing.

As for myself, I've never been one for New Years Resolutions--they seem largely like an excuse to make promises you fully intend on some level to break--but there are a couple of things I'd like to try to accomplish in the coming year. I'd like to take positive steps forward in my chosen career path, be that in my writing, in getting a gig as a YA librarian, or finding a way to open my own cafe or gaming store. I'd like to get my finances in order--that one is huge. Too much debt racked up over the past two years. I need to get it under control so I can actually move forward.

Overall, I just need to find a way to keep positive about the future, to find hope along the road I travel, and renew my relationship with the divine. There's a rough couple months ahead--the winter months are always difficult for me--but I'm going to try and keep positive about there being something out there at the end waiting for me. I just need to keep my eyes front, my feet on the path, and go forward.

I've said this before and I'll say it again: I hope that in 2012 something happens on a deep and basic level to start the healing process in our terribly wounded world. I wish everyone out there a happy, prosperous, blessed, and fruitful New Year. May we all see our lives change for the better.

Happy New Year, everyone.

Screw the Money: Do What Makes You Happy

2011-12-08T10:06:00.001-05:00

Do what makes you happy, and always think very hard about any decision that will affect a major change in your life. That's a lesson I've learned the hard, hard way over the past three years or so. It is absolutely amazing how a single bad decision can overshadow your life for years to come.

No, before you panic, I'm not talking about my marriage. Julie and I are fine; I love my wife and she loves me and we have a strong partnership, even through dark personal times such as we're going through at the moment.

No, I'm talking about the decision I made three years ago to leave my job at CIDDE. It's amazing how hindsight, as they say, is 20/20. In this case what I'm talking about is how I had a good gig going, with people I didn't mind seeing every day. The job was easy, rarely stressful, and I had time to pursue education and other projects and interests. Best of all, I never had to think about work when I wasn't there. For some stupid reason, I convinced myself that I needed to make more money above all else, and secondarily be doing something "important."

As a result, after I got my bachelor's degree, I jumped at the first job that came along which offered me more money. I've had three years of relative misery ever since as a result.

I'm not complaining or looking for sympathy, nor do I want comments from superiority-complex-ridden people who wish to make it known that in this economy I should be grateful to have a job. I'm grateful to be paying bills--a bad economy doesn't mean you are required to love what you're doing. No, my current situation is my own dumb fault and I'm working to repair it, but because of that difficult economy it's a long, hard road.

See, I walked blindly into my own bad situation. I bit at the bait of better pay dangled in front of me at a time when I hadn't yet learned that it's just not all about money. I had convinced myself that because I wasn't making at least 30 grand a year, that meant I had to be dissatisfied and not content. That was wrong thinking, and I feel sorry for anyone who thinks it is about the cash.

It's about happiness and contentment. If you think you're looking for something better, stop and have a long, hard look at what you've got. Are you really unhappy where you are? Are you really discontent and do you really need that change? More money is nice, yes, but is it worth high levels of stress and a job that is equally dissatisfying, but a world more stress and which occupies your thoughts when you're not at work, when you're trying to sleep at night, and interferes with the rest of your life? If you say "yes," then God bless you and good luck.

So what to take away from this--it's not me feeling sorry for myself, it's me offering some unsolicited advice that should be common sense for everyone, but which too many of us forget in this society. It's not about the money. It's about happiness, or at least contentment. If your daily vocation isn't satisfying for you, but also isn't overly stressful, then don't walk away from it. Use it to pay your bills while exploring something that is satisfying on your down time. If you have a vocation that is satisfying to you and fulfills you, then stick with it, no matter what it pays. Struggling to make ends meet isn't the end of the world--it may mean you have to tigthen the belt and make a few material sacrifices, but almost universally the people who make those sacrifices later say they're happier for it in the end.

I'm here to tell you, the moment I get some major debts under control, I heartily plan to take my own advice on this issue.

I had a conversation at a cafe recently where a girl said she was thinking about going to grad school just because she thought she should be making more money. I told her not to waste her time and money on the education if that was her reason, that a Master's degree is far from a guarantee of wealth, and when you get your degree and can't find a job, all you've got is extra debt. Instead, I advised her to forget about making more money and seek a vocation that would be personally satisfying. And it's true--my Master's degree thus far has not opened any doors, and has in fact closed a few due to being "overqualified." I still hold out hope and am working diligently to make use of it, but the truth is, a graduate degree pursued for its own sake can (though it doesn't have to) be a huge waste of time and money that could be spent seeking happiness in your career along different paths. Few of us have only one talent or one road to happiness. My advice is to take the road less traveled--the one that may not pay the most, but also won't put you in the most debt and won't cause you undue stress and suffering along the way.

Just something to chew on.

My wife's blog

2011-11-04T17:10:00.001-04:00

Hey, everyone should also follow Julie's blog, The Musings of Huginn and Muninn (or as I like to call them, "Huggin' and Muggin'.")

I'm just sayin'...

Remember, Remember, the Novel in November

2011-10-31T09:04:00.005-04:00

Well, one day till NaNoWriMo, and I haven't even registered yet. Need to get on that later tonight. I've done NaNo for the past couple of years and never succeeded yet. My thoughts this year are scattered, so I'm not sure where I'll end up, but I'll make my best effort.

As for what to write, I am torn between starting a sequel to Broken Gods, the second book in The Chronicles of Charlie Morning and Mr. Night, or a completely new horror novel that I half-conceived last week. The Charlie Morning book seems a leap of faith, since I haven't published the first one yet (and that one may end up being a self-publishing venture--we shall see). Broken Gods has a small readership and I have a strong idea for the sequel.

The new novel, while a bit derivative, is intriguing to me as it'd give me a chance to try my hand at Lovecraftian horror. I came up with the idea while reading up on various Stephen King stories online, particularly "Children of the Corn." I thought about how he's done these awesome fictional New England towns and populated them with all manners of horrific occurrences and it occurred to me that I could do something similar for Pennsylvania. There have been some news stories about happenings in central PA lately that can serve as a bit of inspiration. Will have to see how it turns out.

I guess, in the end, what I write will be whatever is ready to come out when I sit down tomorrow to start. That's often how my writing works anyway.

It's going to be a busy month, creatively, as I still have to keep up with my law blogs for Optimized Scribes, and I have a book to edit and layout for Elf Lair Games, as well as doing NaNo. So we'll see how it all works out. Could be quite the fulfilling month, if everything goes.

Fingers crossed about some career irons I have placed in the fire as well. Keep sending me good vibes--I need all I can get. I don't want to say anymore right now, until there's something to say.

I guess that's all for now. Thoughts scattered. Will try to write more later on.

All winds and clouds and dreams that shun the sun...

2011-10-27T12:24:00.002-04:00

The blog title is a quote from Robert E. Howard's poem, "Cimmeria." I'll get to that in a moment--it's just important to quote your source.

It was cold in Pittsburgh, today (relatively speaking, at least). The skies were flat gray and there was an on-off rain system hanging over us. It was the kind of day that makes you want to curl up on the couch under an afghan with the fireplace going, and a book.

Of course, most of us were stuck at work and can't do that.

Still, days like today remind me of Robert E. Howard's description of Cimmeria: a cold, bleak, gray land of forests and rolling hills. That describes Pittsburgh to a T in the fall and winter. I've been reading a lot of Conan lately--I started back into the Howard stuff to prep for my bi-weekly Conan OD&D game (which is on hiatus for October), but the Hyborian Age is so evocative, gritty, and real that it's easy to get sucked back in and go on a "kick." I never get tired of reading HOward's work, no matter how many times I do. And as much as many Howard purists get sick at this, I admit to enjoying the deCamp, Carter, and Nyberg pastiches as well. I have actually taken a leap of faith recently and begun reading a pastiche by a later writer, John Maddox Roberts. The title is Conan the Champion, and it was written in 1987. I got this one as a sort of bonus when I ordered a new copy of Conan the Buccaneer to replace the one in my collection that has bad binding. I figured I may as well give it a shot.

You know what, so far it's not too bad at all. Roberts, to his credit, doesn't try to write like Howard, but he seems to understand Conan as a character very well. He's canny, intelligent, violent, and pragmatic; his code of honor is relegated to, "I don't generally...but in this case..." which is very Howardian. Conan's honor code was practical and more guidelines than a hard-fast set of rules, and Roberts gets that. I'm not sold on the Generic "North" that Roberts uses, yet. The back cover says Brythunia, but the text reads more like some no-man's land between Asgard/Vanaheim and Hyperboria--indeed, the people all have "red-gold" hair, so it's like he wasn't even sure whether to make them Aesir or Vanir. Still, it's well-written and I'm enjoying it so far, much to my surprise. Certainly there's gaming fodder hidden in there, so that makes it worthwhile.

I have been thinking about saving up money to upgrade from my NookColor to an Asus EEE Transformer Prime tablet when they hit the market in November. Those things just look too sweet for words. With a quad-core processor it may even be more powerful than my laptop. Plus there's definitely an attraction to being able to handle all my Nook stuff as well as having a Kindle account. I rock that on my phone; why shouldn't I on my e-reader as well? But more importantly, between the micro-SD and mini-USB support the Asus promises, the QuickOffice Pro app, and their full-sized keyboard dock, it would make for a far more convenient and portable word processing device to take with me for getting some writing done than is my current beast of a laptop.

Also, Julie's been thinking of stepping up to an e-reader; she'd probably love to have my Nook and since she's less of a tech geek (read: snob) than I am, it would probably suit her needs quite well. A basic factory reset would get her up and running nicely.

So yeah, there's lots of reasons to make the leap to a tablet. And if you're an iPad user, please, I beg of you, don't bother to try and talk me into an iPad. From a specs and application standpoint, this new Asus tab makes the iPad look like a child's toy, and I don't buy tech just becuase it's sexy to own, which is really the only reason to own an iDevice over an Android one. You're not going to convince me otherwise.

So what else? The Halloween party is this weekend. I'm kinda excited about my costume. I want it to be a surprise to my guests so I'm not going to say what it is, but I'll try to get pictures. It isn't, as they say, "screen accurate," but it's close enough for government work, or a Halloween party. It was a last-minute brainstorm last week. I may shore it up (read: redo 90% of it) and wear it at Gen Con next year. I'll see about getting photos to post.

In other party news, Julie and I have been working diligently to get the house in shape. It's coming along pretty well. We may have to close off a room or two upstairs this year, and the basement will likely not get done, but that's really no big deal.

Also, it's Thursday and I have about ten blogs to get written this week for my side job. They need to be in by Sunday at midnight. Balancing that with this week's cleaning has been rough, but I'll get it done. I am unhappy about having been doing these blogs for two months and not gotten paid yet, but we'll see what happens on that front. If the money doesn't start appearing I'll be backing out of this gig.

Applied for a couple day jobs that would be amazing to get, recently, but we'll see if I can score interviews, let alone the actual gigs. Can't wait till the job market opens up a bit. I bet everyone's saying that, though.

And on that note, this entry's getting a bit choppy and stream of consciousness...so I'll sign off for now. Until next time, dear readers, have a better one!

Updates...

2011-10-17T18:28:00.002-04:00

I was pretty excited to get home and do an update today because, you know, it's been since forever since I wrote in here. But now that I sit here with my Guinness Black Lager at my side, I find myself at a loss for what to say.

Things are status quo, which isn't great but at least nothing's going wrong that I know of right now, so I'll take what I can get. The hunt for a library gig is going nowhere, perhaps not surprisingly. I wish I could find the time to volunteer, to at least get my foot in the door somewhere. I need to figure out what it is I'm going to sacrifice to make said time, because it needs to happen.

We're struggling financially right now, but that's largely our own fault. Julie and I have lived just a bit beyond our means over the past year or so and it's just time we reign that in. Things aren't out of control, yet, so it's good we recognized it when we did before they get there. And really, it could be far worse. We're paying our bills, we have a roof over our heads. There's enough in the savings account that I managed to get the front stairs fixed. That's definitely a plus.

I'm back into the grind of looking for an agent, this time for The Chronicles of Charlie Morning and Mr. Night. Reliquary has offered to publish it--indeed, Darrick really likes it. But I really, really would like to see this one on the shelves in major booksellers. You know, before the major booksellers are gone. Besides, if I have to go with a publishing model that doesn't include distribution, I'm seriously thinking about doing the self-publish route. I need to do some more research on how to promote in that market, but there are authors making a mint on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.com selling for the Nook and Kindle. And Amazon, at least, will offer print sales as well through CreateSpace. Not sure about B&N--I'd have to look into that. Not to mention, I'd see far more profit from self-publishing.

At very least, I can get myself into print via print on demand through DriveThruFantasy.com. It'd be trade paperback, which is more expensive than mass market, but it'd be print.

The secret, again, is self-promotion, and that's something about which I have a lot to learn. I've learned enough about graphic design that I feel confident doing a cover myself, though the artwork for such would probably set me back a bit. Things to think about.

Let's see...what else? As many of my readers know--particularly those who are close friends in real life--I've gone through a rather dark bout lately. There's innumerable reasons for it, which I shall not get into on a publicly readable forum like this, but suffice it to say those who are close to me are in the know. It's also the main reason I haven't written much lately. It's time, however, for that to stop. I'm happy when I'm writing, so there's no reason whatsoever why, when I feel crappy, I shouldn't write. It only makes sense.

This is how I communicate. I'm certainly better at this than I am most other things.

Oh! Speaking of, I posted on facebook that I really miss writing for the Buffy/Angel, Highlander, and Forever Knight Lyric Wheels. Some folks might be wondering what the hell those are. They were fan fic circles in which I participated in the early 2000's. The Lyric Wheel was named such because every story revolved around lyrics. You would throw your name into the hat and be randomly paired with another "wheeler." that person would send you a set of lyrics, and you them. You had to write a short story, in genre, based around those lyrics, and the story had to incorporate a line from the song--but having the song playing in the background or having someone quote it directly was cheating.

I did three of the Wheels--one based on Highlander, one based on Buffy and Angel, and one based on Forever Knight. If you don't know what Forever Knight is, you're banished. Some of my fan fic is still out there on the web if you know where to look. Some of it actually wasn't too bad. One of my personal favorites was the one where I gave Angel a happy ending--and it didn't involve the Buffster. We had another one, in the Highlander wheel, where we had to do a crossover with another genre. I crossed Highlander with the X-Men and had Connor MacLeod, Annie Devlin (from the TV series), and Wolverine fighting Sabretooth over Mariko Yashida's apparent murder. In the end, Mariko turned out to be an Immortal, and Annie became her teacher.

Yes, I know Mariko is dead in the X-comics continuity. I dealt with that in-story, too.

Anyway, fun times. The Wheels petered out sometime in the middle 2000's--I never did hear why exactly. But I miss them. They were a lot of fun, and a great way to keep my chops up. I also really liked the community that built up around them. I miss them dearly.

Well, I guess that's about that. I've prattled on here long enough. I should really get back to the "How Did I Get Here" posts at some point soon. Those seemed to be fairly popular....

Absenteeism

2011-09-14T21:23:00.001-04:00

Hey, folks. Sorry I haven't written much lately. Things have been pretty bad and stressful in my world, and I just haven't had much to say. When I do write it's on a professional level--content writing, game writing, my novels. Focusing on the kinds of writing that might--if some deity or another out there takes mercy on me and all of the stars align properly--actually spell an improvement in my life. I mean that in both financial and quality of life terms.

So I'm still here, just...quiet, these days.

Conan: the Verdict

2011-08-20T00:17:00.001-04:00

So Julie and I saw Conan tonight. I'll give it to you in brief, if you don't want to read a detailed review:

This was not a home run. It was not the Robert E. Howard Conan that we were promised, with one caveat: Jason Mamoa was fantastic. I give them an A for effort and it's not being too gracious to say it was a solid base hit.

So now a more detailed review. Fair warning: there will be minor spoilers in this review. Nothing major, but if you're avoiding spoilage altogether, you might give this a pass.

First things first. This is absolutely not a remake of the Arnold one. The only thing it has in common is the "revenge for my dad's death" plot. The events of the story are completely, 100% new (well, new as in, they weren't anywhere to be found in the Arnold flicks). So that's something.

Now, let's get the bad out of the way first: the problems from the standpoint of an actual Robert E. Howard Conan fan.

The Presentation of the Hyborian Age is wrong in every single way.

1. Apparently the Hyborian Age is all desert and beachfront, with a big honking skull-shaped volcano in the middle.

2. Apparently Cimmeria is agrarian and idealistic. They're warriors, but there doesn't seem to be a reason why...that being said, and in fairness, their village did look fairly Celtic in flavor.

3. Did you know that Hyrkania is a safe and sheltered place that is pronounced "Hi-ar-kania," with a long "i" and all short "a's"? Because that's how they pronounce it...repeatedly...seriously, like 15 times in the space of 10 minutes. We never actually see it; they just name drop it a lot (badly), so I don't know if there are proto-Mongols there or not, but not judging by how they spoke of it.

4. They had Zingarans that looked like Turanians.

5. They had Argosseans (actually Messantians, as if that was a country) that looked, well, I'm not sure what they looked like. Ever see the Highlander episode "Comes a Horseman?" You know what Kronos looks like in the flashbacks to the Bronze Age? That's the rulers of the apparently impotent, tribal and barbaric land of Messantia.

6. The City of Thieves was all right, except that they didn't call it Arenjun...it was some made-up name that I forget.

7. Another problem--the main locations in the movie are made up whole cloth and don't appear in any Howard writings at all (and the film doesn't even give a nation wherein they're located).

8. Those beast-men-dudes: were they supposed to be Picts? If so, why were Picts in loyal service to a Hyborian warlord/necromancer?

Now the sad thing is that a tiny bit of attention being paid could've solved a lot of these problems--making the "Zingaran slave camp" a Turanian one would've been fine, and having them head to Shadizar instead of Messantia--no problem (though for Shadizar they'd have needed a bit more decadence). I found it odd that Messantia was some kind of bizarre desert wasteland, but the invented temple where the monks reside looked just like Argos.

And for crying out loud, is it really that hard to pronounce "Hyrkania?" (Hint: there are two possible pronunciations that can be viewed as correct, and neither has a long-"i" sound: one is "Heerkania," and the other is "Hurkania." Both have long "a" sounds in the second-to-last syllable)

They pronounce Acheron wrong, too, but a lot of people do that, and it's not egregious enough to pick nits over in this case.

So here's the issue--they did just enough research to badly name-drop, but apparently didn't care about getting the kingdoms whose names they drop right. And seriously, there's plenty of source material out there, guys. It wouldn't have taken much more effort to get some production design and costumes proper.

So they really just dropped the ball on the presentation of the Hyborian Age. It looked way too Mad Max.

The other thing that bugged me was the MacGuffin. I won't give too much away, but there's a huge buildup about the MacGuffin, and it seems to me they didn't actually do anything with it. Plus, there's a bit set up in the very beginning about the Cimmerians guarding these pieces of an ancient magical artifact to protect it from misuse...that's kind of crap. Cimmerians wouldn't guard something like that. It's magic and they hate magic. Rather, they would've ground the pieces to dust and let the dust blow away in the wind. But I'll let it go because, well, we'll get to the Acheronian Artifact bit when we talk about Khalar Zym later.

Finally, there's a bit of schizophrenia with Rachel Nichols' character Tamara. They couldn't decide whether she was a badass or a screaming girl who needed to be rescued. She bounced between the two roles faster than John Kerry pandering to two opposite crowds in 2004. Personally, I'd rather they stuck with the badass. I liked her much better sticking people with swords and punching people in the face, than I did when she was screaming for help in a shrill squeal.

Finally, there were a lot of wasted opportunities. An ancient menace that they talk about resurrecting is wasted. The tentacled horror that appears in one scene, wasted. The MacGuffin I mentioned earlier. Wasted.

Now the good.

1. Jason Frickin' Mamoa. This dude plays an absolutely outstanding Conan, and that's worth a great deal of screwed-up production design. He plays the character to the hilt. I get the sense he's actually read the stories. He knows Conan. I believed he was Conan, and his performance carried me through the movie. There's even times when you get the sense that his desire to take out Zym isn't to avenge his dad, despite him referring to "the man who killed my father," but out of his on Cimmerian sense of duty--Zym was a rat bastard who wiped out a village to take a piece of bone, so he needed killing, and Conan was going to follow him to the ends of the Earth to do it. I can buy that from Conan. He even says at one point, "If you're going to take out a Cimmerian, even a boy, you'd best make damn sure you kill him." He also utters one of only two lines of dialogue in the film that are actually from a Conan story (the one we all saw in the teaser trailer).

2. Khalar Zym. When I first heard the "one hero rises to save the world" bit I threw up in my mouth a little. But I bought it in the context of the film. Why? Two words: Acheronian Artifact. Once you bring in a guy who wants to give birth to a new Acheron, you've justified the world domination bit. Look, for example, at Xaltotun in The Hour of the Dragon. And to be fair, Zym never actually takes over the world, or even really a kingdom. He's just a megalomaniac necromancer with a war band, who thinks he's gonna. In short, he's actually a very Conan villain, sort of a cross between Xaltotun and Thoth-Amon when he appears in "The Phoenix on the Sword"; that is, this guy really wants to be a powerful necromancer, but he needs an artifact and wisdom from someone else to achieve it.

3. Marique. I'm not a fan of Rose McGowan at all, but she chews up scenery nicely in this flick, and really gets her rocks off as she sinks her teeth into the role of a burgeoning necromancer--she also casts one of only two real spells we see in the film, which results in a pretty cool battle sequence.

4. Rachel Nichols naked. 'nuff said.

5. The setup in the beginning actually starts with the "...between the years when the oceans drank Atlantis, and the rise of the sons of Aryas, there was an age undreamed of," speech. Unfortunately, it never gets to "Hither came Conan," because it forks off into the movie's setup, which is okay, I suppose.

6. The good Howard reference. I got really excited when someone announces that Conan, "Stole the heart from the Elephant's tower, and slew the sorcerer Yara!" It's just too bad they didn't show us that episode.

7. Ron Pearlman. He's pretty badass as a Cimmerian chieftain and as Conan's father. He's the face of Cimmerian culture and tradition in the film, and it's a good face.

8. The kid who plays Conan as a child. The one battle scene he has (which I won't spoil) may actually be the most "Conan" part of the movie.

In the end, they made a modicum of effort, so I'll give them an A for effort. The presentation of the world was really poor, but the performances were great, and the villains suitably Conan. If this movie had gotten the production designer from the 80's flick to redo the Frazetta-like look of the Hyborian Age from that film, and if they'd not wasted so many potentially great opportunities, they could have had a triple, or even a home run. As it stands, it was a solid base hit. Unfortunately, the theater was only about 25% full, which doesn't bode well for future installments getting it right as they move forward. At the very least, it was a fun ride, and it's worth it to see Mamoa's portrayal of Conan.

Broken Gods - New Venue

2011-08-10T22:17:00.004-04:00

Folks, Broken Gods is now available from DriveThruFantasy.com, the same company that produces DriveThruRPG.com. This version is a watermarked PDF.

http://fantasy.drivethrustuff.com/product_info.php?products_id=93886

The Week in Review

2011-07-30T22:53:00.003-04:00

Monday: Still looked like I had the diabeetus. Got my grade on my final project for Humanities: 100%. Talked to the doctor about the potential condition. 100% was a nice way to start the week.

Tuesday: Made an appointment to have my A1C levels tested.

Wednesday: Got stuck with a needle. But on the up side, short work day. Completed the last of my schoolwork for my MLIS. Never will I have homework for a Master's degree again. Well, okay, never say never, but you get the point.

Thursday: Discovered that they are re-releasing the Commodore 64 as a modern computer that still looks exactly like a Commodore 64. Typed my previous blog entry while waiting for my last class to begin. MLIS COMPLETE!

Friday: DISCOVERED THAT WHILE I AM PRE-DIABETIC, I AM NOT, IN FACT, DIABETIC. Glucose levels this time were 119. Still not great, but as my doctor put it, "not too bad." A1C levels were around 6. Need to continue watching what I eat, get on a workout plan, and lose some weight so it doesn't turn into full diabetes, but I don't have to worry now every time I want to have a few beers with my buddies. Got a rejection letter from a job at Moon Township library (I was way under-qualified for the job and applied because I figured I had nothing to lose)--which is better than the no contact I've gotten up till now. While it may seem strange, that was a good thing.

Saturday: Found a guitar lesson online that allowed me to learn a song I was having a lot of trouble with, went to Kennywood with Mike and Julie, and had an awesome time. After we got home, discovered in the mail I'd gotten my first check for Broken Gods! (Get your copy at http://www.reliquarypress.com/, or for the Kindle, or for the Nook, or for the iPad on iTunes)

The verdict: This has been a really good week. Let's hope that things continue to go well for awhile. I think I deserve it.

All Good Things...

2011-07-28T17:09:00.010-04:00

Okay, so I ripped the title off of the last episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, which in turn was ripped off of numerous sources dating all the way back to Geoffrey Chaucer. It's apropos.

As I sit here in the computer lab in Pitt's IS building awaiting my final class ever, I find myself looking back on the last two years. There were times when I thought I could not do this. There were times when I thought the end would never come. There were times when I leaned far too much upon my fellow cohorts, and there were times when I could not stand to be leaned upon by them anymore. The work was long and difficult and grueling. It's true what they say: graduate school is a marathon, and it's a marathon you cannot run if you don't have a passion for what you're doing. Some people have that passion going in. Others discover it along the way.

I was the latter. I have worked in libraries before, back in the stone ages of the 1990's--two here at Pitt in the mid-late 90's, and as a library assistant at Pennsylvania Culinary back in 94. I always enjoyed being amongst the books, but it wasn't until I started looking for a career change several years ago (way too many years as an administrative assistant will do that to a person) that I decided to apply for a job at a local library. I wasn't even called for an interview, because I did not have the requisite degree.

"Hm," I thought, "Perhaps this might be something interesting to explore."

I got into the program on a wing and a prayer. My undergraduate records overall were not great--capricious youth had caused me to nearly fail out of school. Twice. But eventually I got myself together and carried straight-A's my last two years (part time) at Pitt, and I graduated with a BA in English writing and religious studies, and even with honors from the religious studies program, due to those aforementioned straight-A's. Only two of the three faculty who had promised to submit letters of recommendation for my application to the MLIS program did so. How Mary Kay looked at my records and transcripts and decided there was something worthwhile there is something I may never know. But I got in, albeit on probational status.

Since then I have achieved an A+, A, or A- in every class I have taken, save one. In that one I got a B+ and still think I deserved an A. As my parents and wife pointed out a couple weeks ago, I have also worried every semester whether or not I was even going to pass my classes.

In any case, I began my graduate life in the school librarian track, determined to get a job teaching in a middle- or high-school library. I still would love to do that, incidentally. I very quickly fell in love with the program. My first two classes were online. At the age of 35 (as I was then), having never taken a course online before, it was certainly a daunting task! If you think one needs to keep up with themselves when doing college ordinarily, try doing it when you don't even have to attend class at a set time every week!

Pitt does what they call "Fast Track Weekend" every semester in the MLIS program. During this weekend, all of the online students come from all over the world (and I mean all over the world--one woman I got to know comes all the way from Trinidad!) to spend one weekend taking classes on campus and interacting in person with the faculty and each other. Some of the on campus students hate Fast Track Weekend because they are forced to come to class on the weekend as well (though not all professors enforce this), but when I became blended (I'll get to that in a minute) I found I didn't mind. And for the online-only students, Fast Track Weekend is not only a godsend for the educational experience, it's so much fun you can't believe it. There's something really neat about putting faces to the names and words you see on the screen every week.

I was really lucky--my first two classes I had four of my favorite faculty for the entire program--all of whom I had for at least one more class. To Mary Kay Biagini, Rebecca Morris, Sue Alman, and Chris Tomer: I salute all four of you. You made me really want to do this. You made me fall in love with the idea of being an information professional. It was also at that first on-campus weekend that I learned that just because one is in the fast-track program, that doesn't mean you are required to take classes online, and the program not only allows, but encourages blending online with on-campus classes for those who can do it. Since I'm local, I jumped right on that in my second semester.

They say, "It's never too late." Unfortunately, as one gets older, this becomes less true. Doors do close based on the life situations that come along with getting older, and I quickly realized that there was no way I could afford, with a mortgage and bills, to be unemployed for a semester in order to student teach. It kind of broke my heart, but I had to switch tracks. So I moved from school librarian to children and youth services--a very similar field that didn't carry with it the requirement of student teaching and fulfilling a PA teaching certification, being more geared towards public librarianship.

So it was I entered my second semester, taking one class on campus and one online. In Resources for Young Adults I had one of the greatest course experiences of my life, and I made a lot of new acquaintences that I consider to be friends (and I hope they consider me the same). That course got me even more driven and excited to pursue this career.

I won't go through all of my courses, but there were highlights. That summer I took Storytelling, which is probably my favorite course in the program. Unfortunately, a lot of the friends I made were full-time students and said goodbye that semester. I'm on facebook with many of them, but that was the last I saw of them (and may well be the last we ever see each other in person--most of them are no longer in PA). So that was bittersweet.

After that the program became tougher. I didn't have any more classes with friends, so it felt like starting all over again. Unfortunately, the "starting over" didn't include many new friends as the new group was mostly in a different cohort than me and already had formed their bonds. There were highlights, mind you. This past spring I got a chance to participate actively in the planning, design, and opening of the brand new Carnegie Library LYNCS project service point at the Pittsburgh Public Market. Our Marketing for Libraries class designed the entire project from the ground up--we handled the conceptualizing, marketing, design, and final assembly of the project. It opened with pretty large fanfare in April--if you're in Pittsburgh you probably saw it on the news and in the papers--and to my knowledge is still a success. I'm quite proud of that and as frustrating as it was a times, it was in retrospect an awesome experience.

I was also asked to come explore the doctoral program this past spring, as one of the program's "outstanding students," and bumped into Rebecca. She told me that she really felt for me because she had a very similar situation when she did her MLIS program. That actually gave me a lot of steam to keep going.

So the fall and spring semesters were tough. I wasn't particularly into the classes I was taking, but I still made it through because I felt it was so worthwhile. This summer, my last semester, I've had one of the hardest classes I've ever taken (Resources in the Humanities), but also two of the most rewarding and interesting (the aforementioned Resources, and Copyright in the Digital Age).

Which brings me to today. Here I am, sitting in the LIS computer lab possibly for the last time, though that remains to be seen as I think I may well apply for that doctoral program. In any case, certainly for the last time until at least Fall of 2012. And like that last summer semester, it's really bittersweet. I am so excited to be getting my Master's degree. But damn, I am going to miss this place. My faith in the University and in higher education in general had dwindled somewhat over my years as a staff member--one can see too much "behind the scenes" of any business, and if you know where the roaches nest in a restaurant you tend not to want to eat there, even though you rationally know that almost every restaurant in the world's got them. It becomes easy to get spoiled on the bad while ceasing to be able to see the many, many good things that go on. Great things do happen here at Pitt, but after too long behind the scenes, I really needed a shot in the arm to regain my faith.

The MLIS program at Pitt really restored that faith in a huge way. My experiences here have been 99% overwhelmingly positive, and that remaining 1%? Who cares? Nothing ever comes up all aces and I can honestly say I never had a truly bad experience in this program. I am, at last, very proud to be a Pitt Alumni.

I still want to change careers, but now it's because I desperately want to be an information professional. I'm looking for any and every way I can to make myself more marketable. Thus far the job hunt has been wildly fruitless, but that's a new chapter in my life that I'm going to have to plunge into, headlong. Something will come up eventually. It has to. Things will fall into place as they should, and, dear readers, I will be chronicling the journey. Until then, let me take a moment to feel what I think is a well-deserved swell of pride, to take a whole bunch of long, deep breaths, and to enjoy this accomplishment.

Thanks to everyone--friends, family, fellow cohorts, and faculty--who were patient, understanding, concerned, and helpful in getting me here. Now let's see what the future brings.

Oh, and Mom: we're still doing that bowling league.

Another Would-be Digital Martyr...

2011-07-27T15:01:00.002-04:00

http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2011/07/20/unusual_indictment_for_alleged_theft_of_jstor_journal_articles

Ah, another story of a would-be martyr in the DigitalRevolution™. Stories like this always nailhome for me the fact that there is rebellion to make a point, rebellion for thesake of rebellion, and simple stupidity. Stealing articles through an MIT account when you can legally read themthrough your Harvard account isn’t rebellion—it’s just dumb.

Now, granted, it’s also really brainless for a judge toconvict the guy of using the wrong account to download articles he was legallypermitted to download using another account. But let’s put that aside for the moment andlook at what Swartz did.

Swartz’s actions weren’t accidental. He deliberately used an account to illegallydownload files, presumably to make some kind of rebellious “freedom ofinformation” point. And yet, he wastrying to hide his identity. If he’dsucceeded, it seems, nobody would’ve known who did it.

So…what point did he make, again? The only point I took away from this is thathe’s a pretty poor hacker, unable to even hide his identity. I definitely agree with the poster who saidwhat he did shouldn’t be construed as theft—he was, as the article points out,legally able to access JSTOR from another institution, so where he got the articles shouldn’t be an issue—if he’s legallyallowed to access them, he should be legally allowed to access them. However, what he did do was hack into MIT’s system, and from there, in turn, hackinto JSTOR. Computer hacking is its owncrime, not analogous to theft.

I just kind of wish thesetechno-activists/cyber-pirates/whatever-they-like-to-be-called’s would figureout a more productive way of bringing about change. Criminal activity has almost never beensuccessful, and something like 90% of all “Revolutions” are crushed withoutanyone even noticing a lingering effect. In the end, this type of "advocacy" isn't advocacy at all, because it only hurts the people and ideals for whom these people claim to advocate.

THINGS I REFUSE TO DO

2011-07-22T17:04:00.001-04:00

1. Stick a needle in my arm every day for the rest of my life like some junkie.

2. Take special pills every day

3. Subsist on a diet of lettuce and special cookies.

My doctor can shove it. I'd rather die.

2011-06-30T22:15:00.002-04:00

Just to let you all know I haven't quit on How I Got Here. New installment is coming. Very busy semester.

How Did I Get Here? PART FOUR: KIDS WILL BE KIDS

2011-06-18T07:58:00.000-04:00

Go Back One
Back to the Beginning

Okay, it's 7:11 am on Saturday, and given that I've had severe stomach problems this week, I'm replacing the pipe and beer/Bailey's with tea and rice. But I'm back.

My sister and I were latchkey kids. This is a term that's probably alien to a lot of younger people nowadays, as it seems that CYF is intent on taking kids away from parents who--horror of horrors--leave them at home alone nowadays. But from the time I was about eleven, I guess, both my parents worked, and Sara and I walked to school longer than that. I was "in charge" of my sister, who is two years younger, during those unsupervised times, but to be honest, Sara has always been beyond her years so she didn't need much in the way of keeping en eye on.

Our elementary school, Our Lady of Grace, was about a twenty-minute walk from our house, and did require crossing a busy street which sometimes (but not always) had a crossing guard.

When we came home from school, we were alone for about an hour or two until Mom got home from work (she worked in the accounting offices of a succession of department stores). So we weren't alone for very long, but the point is, we never got killed or burned down the house, and I don't particularly consider us "neglected." Were we a part of the 80's TV generation? Sure. But my parents did not neglect us--my mother hated the 80's buzz term "quality time"; she felt that quantity was far more important than quality, and I agree. Every moment a parent spends with their child is quality time, and the more the better.

So it was, we'd come home from school and basically plop down in front of the TV to watch cartoons until Mom and Dad got home. Or, actually, I would. I don't remember Sara ever having been as into cartoons as me. I think she played with her Barbie dolls--often having to invent elaborate storylines to explain why I had snuck into her room and placed the wrong Barbies in compromising positions with the wrong Ken dolls.

I'm not going to say there weren't accidents. The first time they ever left us alone for an extended period was when they decided we were old enough to handle being alone while they were at their Thursday bowling league. Microwave popcorn had just come out and was a great novelty. To me, as an 11- or 12-year-old kid, it was popcorn in a paper bag that you put into the microwave. To my 11-year-old mind, I could easily do that. So I dumped a bunch of popcorn into a paper shopping bag (yes, a shopping bag), and stuck it in the microwave. Sara likes to claim I put it in for 12 minutes. It was actually more like 7.

In any case, the bag caught on fire after several minutes.

To her credit, Sara at the time was far more cool-headed than me, and she had just learned in safety class that week that you don't throw water on an electrical fire...so she stopped me from doing that.

Instead, I called the bowling alley and asked for my parents. When my Dad got on the phone, I shouted "FIRE!"

They were home in record time. The bowling alley was about 10, 15 minutes away. They made it home in 4 minutes or so, flat. Still wearing their bowling shoes.

Needless to say, I was grounded for that one.

Talking of fire, like most young boys, I went through a firebug phase as a kid. This started around the age of 12 and lasted until about fourteen. Here's another place where I illustrate the difference between Then and Now. Because here's a list of some of the things we used to do:

1. We made bombs out of gunpowder, gasoline, and sawdust, which we would bury in the ground at the Dirt Pile and light up, then run. They'd go off and make glorious craters.

2. We would build cars out of Legos, which we'd sit G.I. Joe figures in. We'd then wire bottle rockets up to the cars and let them rip. The carnage, as my friend Pete would say, was glorious.

3. We made a rocket launcher that would fire bottle rockets or "D" size model rocket engines, using PVC pipe, screen door screen, a 9-volt battery, and some wires. And yes, we shot each other with it.

Nowadays? Any kid doing these things would be arrested and charged with terrorism, arson, or any number of horrible felony crimes. Now, do I endorse kids doing these things? Of course not. We were stupid and quite frankly lucky nobody lost a limb or got killed. But do I consider myself a criminal and a danger to society? Not remotely. We were kids playing stupid kids' games...doing things because we knew we weren't supposed to.

My piece de resistance, however, was the time I accidentally set my back yard on fire.

Mom and dad were away, I must've been around 13 or so. I got the bright idea (why, I couldn't begin to tell you) to light a glass of gasoline on fire. So I filled a whiskey glass with gas, and set it on the ground. I thought I was being smart by creating a wick, so I ran a shoelace soaked in alcohol from the glass. I then took a lighter to the shoelace. I learned the hard way about gas fumes, when the moment the lighter struck, the entire thing went up in a fireball.

It was on pavement; had I left it go it probably would've burned itself out pretty quickly with no harm done. But being a kid, I panicked. I ran into the house--remembering this time that you shouldn't put water on a gas fire and that you should smother it--I grabbed a large towel which I threw over the glass.

The towel burst into flames and was consumed in seconds.

I picked up the glass (again, I have no clue what possessed me to do so) and then realized I was holding a glass of flaming gasoline. I heard a voice shouting at me to get rid of it, and on instinct turned towards the voice and simultaneously launched the glass.

Fortunately, Sara rolled a critical success on her dodge roll and managed to evade the fireball coming at her. Again, the way she likes to tell it is that I maliciously hurled a glass of gasoline at her. In truth I wasn't thinking maliciously--or at all, in fact. I just wanted to get rid of the ball of death in my hand, and happened to spin towards her voice as I hurled it.

In any case, the back yard is now on fire.

We ran into the house, and got the fire extinguisher, which we used to, well, extinguish the flames.

So now it looks like it snowed in the back yard, in the middle of July.

Next step: we're now out there with brooms (and God bless Sara for helping me, even though I'd just thrown fire at her) trying to disperse the white foam. We succeeded, but of course did not succeed in removing the scorch marks from all over the grass. To their credit, my folks never said anything until years later when I was telling the story, and they said they'd known right away. Why, then, did they not punish me/us? Really, it wasn't necessary. They figured (correctly) that I'd learned my lesson, and honestly, my dad did way worse than that when he was a kid.

However, by and large we had no major incidents, and the house where I grew up still stands today. Did we get into mischief? Oh, absolutely. Some of it really stupid and dangerous mischief. Did we deserve to be arrested and charged for it? No. And this, my friends, is part of the problem with society today--we're too eager to criminalize kids for being kids. Kids are not yet fully developed people, like it or not. They are still governed on many levels by their id, their base desires. They fight, they seek pleasure, they go after what they want to go after. Criminalizing these behaviors, in my humble, is creating crime and mental/emotional problems where before none existed. Tell a kid he's a criminal or got some kind of mental disorder enough times, and guess what? You're not doing him any good, you instead are feeding into that behavior.

Sometimes I hate our current society. Often, actually, I hate it.

Go on to the next entry.

Broken Gods update!

2011-06-16T14:33:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the lack of blog posts, folks. I will be getting back to "How Did I Get Here" soon. Been dealing with the e-book issues with the Nook and Kindle, and have been ill--you don't need details of the last.

In any case, I wanted to make everyone aware that the format problems have been fixed!

As a reminder, here are the links:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/broken-gods-jason-vey/1031468442?ean=2940013559929&itm=3&usri=broken%2bgods (Nook)

http://www.amazon.com/Broken-Gods-ebook/dp/B0055IGYL6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1307990206&sr=8-1 (Kindle)

And as always, you can get it as a traditional paperback direct from the publisher:

http://www.reliquarypress.com/

Broken Gods e-book versions...

2011-06-13T17:49:00.001-04:00

The e-book versions have been pulled. There were formatting issues with them. I'm told that in the preview apps for both B&N and Amazon, they looked fine, but apparently the preview apps lied...

I'll keep you posted. Print copies of Broken Gods should be fine, if you pre-ordered one of those.

Broken Gods now available in e-book format!

2011-06-13T14:38:00.000-04:00

Broken Gods is now available as an ebook for the Nook, NookColor, or Kindle! Here are the links:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/broken-gods-jason-vey/1031468442?ean=2940013559929&itm=3&usri=broken%2bgods (Nook)

http://www.amazon.com/Broken-Gods-ebook/dp/B0055IGYL6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1307990206&sr=8-1 (Kindle)

And as always, you can get it as a traditional paperback direct from the publisher:

http://www.reliquarypress.com/

How Did I Get Here? PART THREE: BOYS WILL BE BOYS

2011-06-08T17:38:00.003-04:00

Go Back One

Back to the Beginning

I often wish that I had been the age I am now round about 1980. That's largely because back then it was far more possible to become established and make a living as a game designer or writer of fiction. We don't really think of it as such, because much of it was underground (save D&D, which was a cultural phenomenon and later along with heavy metal, a much-reviled scapegoat for everything that was wrong with the youth of America), but the 80's was a really productive and creative time for genre literature and all the stuff that would later become geek prerequisites.

Among other things, the 1980's was the Golden Age of Cartoons, to my mind. We had all of the best stuff--the toons of today don't even come close to matching the amount and quality of what we got in the 80's. And a lot of it still holds up. I still watch the D&D cartoon, G1 Transformers, the original G.I. Joe, He-Man, and She-Ra cartoons (and yes, targeted at girls or not, She-Ra was a pretty cool toon. So was Jem, for that matter--not the least of which because Duran Duran wrote some of the music for Jem). We had cartoons on all over the place. Weekday mornings before school. Weekday afternoons, after school. And Saturdays. Oh, glorious Saturdays, when 'toons began at roughly 6 am and lasted till noon or later. I'm talking on networks, not on cartoon-dedicated cable channels.

We had Thundercats. We had Mask. We had Voltron. We had Robotech. We had Gummi Bears. We had the Smurfs. We had Hulk Hogan's Rock n' Wrestling. We had Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends (which incidentally featured the first cartoon appearance of the X-Men...Wolverine as an Aussie? WTF?) We even had a Pac-Man cartoon, which kicked ass. Later in the 80's we got a terribly kiddi-fied version of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles which was nevertheless fun to watch. There was even a Lazer Tag cartoon in which the kids used their Starlytes (read: guns) to travel through time and space a la Doctor Who. To accomplish this, they stood in a circle and fired their Starlytes at each others' sensors, and a portal would open (to the Time Vortex?) that would whisk them away to wherever the needed to go. The fun part is, it made a pentagram every time they did it. And the Religious Right/Parents' Watchdog groups never caught on to that one.

Early weekday mornings I used to love to watch The Great Space Coaster. It was like Sesame Street for kids that had a more psychedelic bent, or the Muppet Show, but not quite as many adult references snuck in. I will never forget "No G'news is Good G'news, with Gary Gnu."

Of course, we also had The Muppet Show (though that was late 70's), and we had Fraggle Rock.

By the early 90's we had pretty awesome versions of Spider-Man and a few other Marvel heroes. We also got a really cool X-Men cartoon that ran for quite awhile.

Unfortunately, as the 90's wore on and we all grew up, the networks decided that we didn't need cartoons anymore. That was sad. You can still catch some cartoons on Saturday mornings, but they just aren't on par with what we used to get. I've picked up Transformers G1 seasons 3/4, and the D&D cartoon on DVD just so I can have something to watch. The last decent effort to produce a cartoon in the grand 80's style was the most recent TMNT cartoon, which was very cool. Then Nickelodeon bought TMNT and that all ended.

I'm feeling a bit unfocused, today...so nothing really profound, here. Just thinking about the toons I used to watch and love. I still think about those cartoons. They, as much as anything else, contributed to my continuing geekdom. I think it's high time I started building a cartoon DVD collection.

On to the next section

How Did I Get Here? PART TWO: HBO, ATARI, TRS-80, COMMIES, and V

2011-06-07T18:15:00.002-04:00

Go Back One

Back to the Beginning

Oh, I can still remember
When I was just a kid
When friends were friends forever
And what you said is what you did
Well it was me and Danny and Bobby
We cut each others' hands
And held tight to a promise
Only brothers understand

We were so young
One for all and all for one
Just to know that the river's gotta run

-"Blood on Blood," Bon Jovi

For me, when I was a kid, it wasn't Danny and Bobby. It was Mike and Adam. I won't say we were like the Three Musketeers, because Mike and Adam weren't as close with each other as I was with each of them. But to me, each of those guys were like brothers.

I was not a popular kid in elementary school, and even into high school. In elementary school I was the smallest kid in my class, which led to lots of bullying. And incidentally, I got through it and grew up to be normal and well adjusted, and wasn't damaged for life. My school also didn't have "anti-bullying programs" that amounted to tattling to an adult. Of course, kids also didn't get charged with assault for a playground brawl with fisticuffs--that was chalked up to boys being boys, and people moved on.

I'll never forget the first time I got beat up. It must've been in first or second grade. I came home from school, scuffed up and crying, and told Mom what happened. She was sympathetic, as Moms are, but also sternly told me that I should've beat the other kid up instead, that size didn't matter, that I just needed to snap out and it was okay to cry, because the harder you cry, the harder you hit. I sulked in my room till Dad came home. Mom and he talked, and he came into my room.

"I heard you had a problem at school today," he said.

"Yup," I said.

"Come with me. I want to show you something."

He led me into the garage, explaining as we went that he, too, had been the smallest kid in his class, and he wanted to show me a secret about that. We got into the garage and he handed me a 2x4.

"What is that?" he asked.

"Um...a board?" I guessed.

"No, Son. That's called an 'equalizer.' Allow me to explain...you see, when you hit a kid with that, he's not bigger than you...."

That lesson, and the lesson my mom gave me about snapping out and seeing red, are two I never forgot. Nor did I forget the talk that followed, when dad sat me down. He told me that just because I knew I could pick up a board and beat a kid with it never meant that I should. He told me that it takes a Hell of a lot more guts to walk away from a fight than to start one, and that I should never, ever throw the first punch, nor attempt to goad someone into throwing the first punch (because that amounted to the same thing). However, he told me that once a punch was thrown, only one person should walk away.

I live by those words. I'm not a violent person, but I have violence in me. I'll go to great distances to avoid fighting, and have even willingly taken mild beatings quite simply I was afraid of what might happen if I lose my temper. But if someone pushes me to the limit, and it breaks, I see red. Thank God I haven't actually snapped on someone since Junior High (and unfortunately, it turned out that kid was a psychopath and I suffered one of the worst beatings of my life).

One of my favorite songs is by Kenny Rogers. It's called "Coward of the County." The song is about a guy named Tommy whose father dies in prison, and before he dies, gives Tommy advice to always turn the other cheek, and to remember that you don't have to be a fighter to be a man. Well, Tommy's refusal to ever fight earns him the mantle of "Coward of the County." This goes on until three town bullies, The Gatlin Boys, show up one night while Tommy is at work, and gang-rape Tommy's wife, Becky. Tommy proceeds to go to the bar where the Gatlin Boys hang out and beat all three of them to a pulp, then apologizes to the specter of his father, explaining that sometimes you have to fight.

The chorus goes as follows:
Promise me, son, not to do the things I've done.
Walk away from trouble when you can
It won't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek
I hope you're old enough to understand
Son, you don't have to fight to be a man.

The last chorus, from Tommy, says:
I promised you, Dad, not to do the things you'd done
I walk away from trouble when I can
Now please don't think I'm weak, I didn't turn the other cheek
But Papa, I should hope you understand
Sometimes you have to fight when you're a man.

I think of my dad every time I hear that song. My dad is not a criminal, nor did he die in prison (he's still alive and well, thank God), but the song resonates with me because of the lessons he taught me, and it always reminds me of him.

Speaking of Dad, he's worked hard his whole life to make sure Mom, Sara and I always had the best. I only found out a few years ago that in the early 80's he was out of work, laid off for several years, and he was painting houses and doing odd jobs just to make ends meet so that we all had a good life. Dad has never given up and he works hard. We weren't rich, but we sure as Hell weren't poor. We lived in the Middle Class section of a wealthy neighborhood, and as such were often considered the "poor" kids, but we had a very good life and I can't think of a time when we wanted for anything. I was blessed that way, and I understand that very well.

Because of Dad's efforts, we always had the newest stuff when I was growing up--though my parents went to lengths to make sure we appreciated what we had and did not get spoiled because of it. Many times there were things we wanted that we didn't get, just because Mom and Dad wanted us to learn you can't always have everything you want, and that's the way it is. More than once I'd ask for something, and Mom would say "no." When I asked why, she'd say, "Because you asked for it, that's why." As a kid, I didn't get what that meant (and even at one point thought you should never ask for anything). Now I get what Mom was doing, and it was an important lesson to learn.

In any case, in keeping with the newest and best idea, my family were early adopters of cable TV. Unless I'm mistaken, we had it back in 79 or 80. I remember how exciting HBO was when it first came on the air--to actually see uncut movies, just like in the theater! Of course, at the time I wasn't nearly old enough to watch most of the movies that aired on the channel, but even still, the idea was pretty nifty, right up there with VCRs.

My grandpap Vey worked at Sears all his life. Back then, Sears was a pretty nifty department store, and Grandpap got serious discounts. That meant that he had a videodisc player (not laser disc, mind you, videodisc. They came before laser discs), a small library of video discs for it, and an Atari 2600--or rather, the Sears clone of the Atari. He had every game as soon as it came out. And before that, he had Pong.

I loved Pong.

Anyway, from there I guess my family inherited our enjoyment of gadgets and tech.

How, you're wondering, does this tie into Adam and Mike? Well, it ties directly into Adam.

See, Adam had a Tandy Color Computer Model 3. He's the one who got me into computers and technology big time. When I told my folks about it, that christmas we got a TRS-80 Color Computer Model 3. That was a clone of the Tandy (or vice-versa; I can't remember which cloned which). My the age of nine or ten, Adam and I were writing simple programs in BASIC. We had this series of books, called something like Micro-Squad Adventures, or something like that. They were sort of like Choose Your Own Adventure books, except instead of making choices, you had to write computer programs in BASIC to solve puzzles in the books. Very cool stuff. We had 5 1/4" floppy drives, and cassette tape drives for them. We didn't have Windows, yet; we didn't even have DOS. BASIC was actually the OS. We ran programs with commands like "LOAD" and "LOADM". We played games like Hunt the Wumpus. We dreamed of being big-time computer hackers one day. It was largely because of my friendship with Adam that I came to love computers.

Adam and I played soccer together, too. His dad was one of the coaches on my elementary school team the year we went to the state championships in Slippery Rock. I suffered a groin injury due to a dirty play (the kid was red carded for it--as was Adam's dad, for losing his mind on the ref for calling a dirty game in general) in the last playoff game before we went to the finals, so I didn't get to play, but I was there with my team. At the time I was playing halfback (I believe), but over the few years I played I did every position except goalie. I loved soccer. I still kinda miss playing it, but these days my body is too beat up and I'm way too out of shape.

Mike, on the other hand, well, he and I were more of the "get outside and play army" variety, though we called it, "playin' guns."

I grew up around real guns and in a family of generation after generation of hunters, and it's because of that, I am firmly convinced, that I have never had an accident with one or seriously considered pointing one at another human being. My father taught me respect for the weapon from a very early age. He beat into my skull (figuratively) that you should never, ever point a gun at anything you do not intend to destroy. And he explained in clear, concise terms that a child could understand exactly what happens to people who kill other people.

But boys will be boys, and I am convinced that playing with toy guns does not make a child violent, so long as he has good parents who are capable of explaining to him the difference between fantasy and reality. Now, that being said, my respect for guns was so great that at the time, we rarely played war with one team on one side and one team on the other. Our enemies were almost always imaginary, so even the toy guns were not being pointed at real people.

This being the early 1980's, our favorite enemies were of two varieties: Russian, and Reptilian.

Russians are self-explanatory. For any kid in the U.S. in the 1980's, the Russians were the great and terrible villains of the world. They were out to subvert, conquer, and destroy everything we held dear. Life under Russian rule would've been a nightmare. They didn't love their children the way American mommies and daddies did. They were, we were told, an Empire of Evil.

As the decade went on, of course, fences were torn down and bridges built, and we found out that except for a few core political ideologies, Russians were just like us...and by the end of the decade, even those political ideologies had lessened greatly.

But at the time, we had movies like Red Dawn to mimic, and we liked to pretend-shoot commies when they invaded our beloved homeland.

But even more than Russians, we loved to shoot reptilian invaders from Sirius. You see, in 1983 there was a miniseries that aired on TV called V. Some of you have seen it. Others have seen the recent (and recently canceled, damn ABC) remake of it. The remake, while fun, just doesn't have the impact of the original, because the subtext isn't as profound, and is a bit more along the "blunt object" variety.

But the original was quite simply an allegory for Nazi-controlled Europe in World War II, with the United States (and Los Angeles, specifically) standing in for Occupied France. It was profound, and for its time, it was impressive on every level from set design to acting to special and makeup effects. It spawned a second miniseries (V: The Final Battle), and a regular series that lasted one season (largely because it lost the message and turned into Dallas in space).

But as kids who were sci-fi fans that grew up on Star Wars (and by that time I had discovered through my Aunt Darla, God rest her, Star Trek), we ate it up. Most of the allegory was lost on us until years later, but the idea of heroic resistance fighters standing up against the alien invaders who had conquered our society through charisma and masks as much as power and technology, was just great fodder for fantasy. Most of us had dismissed Battlestar Galactica as the transparent Star Wars ripoff it was (though I did really love Buck Rogers--sue me). V, on the other hand was something entirely new and different to us. We used to argue over who played Mike Donovan, who played Ham Tyler, and who got stuck playing Kyle Bates. We made V laser guns out of cardboard tubes or (in my case) had Dad cut them out of wood with a band saw.

To this day, incidentally, I am on a quest to obtain either a Robotech Laser Blaster Target set or a Bravestarr Tex-Hex Sound Pistol n Holster, both of which are actually molds of the V laser guns. I completed my Star Wars quest a few years ago--I now own four--count 'em four Han Solo Blasters in different variations (and not the crappy toys, either; screen-accurate versions), and four lightsabers--a Force FX Luke and a Force FX Vader, and the two customs I mentioned in an earlier section. But I've never achieved my quest for a V laser with moving parts.

For reference: The Tex-Hex Pistol is on the left
Robotech blaster kit (the Holy Grail)...just not a $200 Holy Grail.

Anyway, that was our passage of time as kids. Mike had this amazing yard, that was surrounded by groves of trees with alcove-like clearings which made perfect natural "forts" and "bases," and we had this sort-of landfill at the bottom of my street which was at the entrance to a massive woods that we knew like the backs of our hands. See, back then, the woods were not a dangerous place for kids to go play. Well, they were, but not in a "your kid will vanish and never be seen again" kind of way. We played guns in Mike's yard, and all around the Dirt Pile (as we called the landfill) and the woods. We'd go out after school and not come in until my dad whistled for us (and his whistling could be heard a mile away--I kid you not) or until it started to get dark.

We had this "Tarzan Swing" in the woods, which was essentially a big, thick vine that hung down from a tree and dangled over a 7 foot drop. We had a blast on that thing. One day, I fell off, and everyone was shocked that I didn't get hurt on landing. That led to a whole new game: Jump off the Tarzan Swing. We had a blast on that thing for a long time, until someone (we never found out who) tattled to their folks and we returned one day to find it had been cut down.

There was a creek that ran from the storm drains below the Dirt Pile and ran all through the woods. We had a ton of fun in and around that thing. Years later we'd make movies down there. I'll get to that eventually, as well.

I guess I had a pretty good childhood.

Eventually, as friends do when you're a kid, Adam moved to West Virginia, and Mike Moved to the suburbs of Chicago. I lost contact with both. Years later I heard rumors, that Mike had become some kind of gangsta rapper wannabe, and Adam had been arrested for computer crimes...but those were rumors, and I've no clue whatsoever how accurate they are.

I still miss Adam and Mike. I've tried a few times to track them down over the years, to no avail. Frankly I'm surprised Adam isn't on facebook, unless either what I heard is true, or he simply stopped being interested in computers somewhere along the line.

Go to next section.

How Did I Get Here? interlude 1

2011-06-06T21:31:00.003-04:00

I should clarify for those who are worried about what might show up in here: I'm aware, "fearless" as I must be, that this is a public forum. I would never do anything to endanger those I care about in any way...rest assured, I won't be posting anything that should get me or anyone else in trouble. There is, after all, a difference between fearless and stupid.

On to Part Two

Back to Part One

Back to Introduction

How Did I Get Here? PART ONE: DAMN YOU, GEORGE LUCAS, STAN LEE, AND GARY GYGAX

2011-06-06T18:30:00.003-04:00

You should start at the beginning

PART ONE: DAMN YOU, GEORGE LUCAS, STAN LEE, AND GARY GYGAX

Everyone who knows me knows that I am a proud, and unabashed, geek. I love all things sci-fi and fantasy (well, not all things, but a lot), I love comics. I play tabletop role playing games and write them professionally. I dabble--very, very slightly--in console and computer gaming. I love gadgets and technology, but I also maintain a deep and hearty appreciation for actual, honest-to-goodness books. I own a Nook Color and love it to death, but my office has three things in it: my desk, a couple of comfy leather chairs, and five bookcases, full. My wife's office has two more bookcases. My bedroom has a bookcase, and my basement has a bookcase. I dream of having a house one day large enough to have a big spare room that can function solely as a library. My (and Julie's) books range from history to religious studies to new age to sci-fi to fantasy to gaming to reference to psychology and probably half a dozen or more topics I'm not remembering right now.

I love movies of many varieties, and have a pretty extensive DVD and Blu-Ray collection (and it's amazing how often I can't find something I want to watch). I collect pipes. I'm pursuing a Master's degree in library and information science, to be followed up by A+ certification and (hopefully) a doctorate. My undergraduate degrees are in English and religious studies.

My wedding ring is the One Ring, from Lord of the Rings.

Yes, I'm a geek, and proud of it.

But how, exactly, did I become a geek?

That's the fault of George Lucas and Stan Lee. Well, not Stan specifically, but I'm going to blame him as the icon he is.

George first, though. You see, my earliest memory, at the age of two (going on three) was seeing the original Star Wars in the theater. It came out just a few scant months before my third birthday, you see. Mind you, this was the original release. Before it was called "A New Hope." Before we knew that Vader was Luke's father. Before we knew about brother-sister kissing. Before the awful Ewoks. When our only example of a Jedi was a 50-odd-year-old wise man and a towering black menace who breathed, "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

That movie defined me. It could be because it's the first thing I consciously remember. It probably is, in fact. But for whatever reason, it has stayed with me all of my life. I'm not as fanatical about it as some, but I'm far more fanatical than many. I own two custom lightsabers, one built by a professional "saber smith," and one that I put together with more than a little help from my best pal, Mike, who is better with electronics than I am. The latter is my take on the Imperial Knight saber from the Star Wars: Legacy comic, but that's neither here nor there, now.

The real point is, Star Wars created in me a love of sci-fi and fantasy from the time I was two years old. I love Star Wars so much that I am even capable of turning off my adult brain and watching the prequels as though I were still a little boy, and guess what? I love the prequels, too. I'm not looking to re-kindle that old, stupid argument here, either, so if your comment consists of "the prequels suck," don't expect it to see the light of day. Thanks.

Moving on, as many young boys in the late 70's did, I fell in love with superheroes. My first exposure to Stan Lee's great heroes Spider-Man, the Hulk, and Thor was through morning cartoons rather than actual comics, but super heroes have also been in my life for, well, all of it. My mother likes to tell a story that I can scarcely remember about a day when I was four or so, and she was walking us through the parking lot at Zayre's (a department store a la K-Mart or Target that no longer exists in PA), when I leapt out in front of a car with my hand extended in a "STOP" motion. She, of course, screamed in terror, and managed to whip me out from in front of the oncoming death freight. I looked up at her with a betrayed expression, blinked innocently, and said, "Aw Ma, I could've stopped it. I'm the Hulk!"

That was probably about the time Mom and I had the "fantasy vs. reality" talk. That'd be my guess, anyway.

Next up: Gary Gygax. Again, flash back to the tender age of five. It was 1979. Mom and dad were avid bowlers (a passion I would later take up--but we'll get to that when it's time). On Thursday nights, they would drop us off at Grandma's house and head for their bowling league. At the time, my uncles and aunts were mostly teens and mostly still living at home. Two in particular--Aunt Joanie and Uncle Johnny--stand out. Neither are really that much older than me, and my sister and I don't even always call them "aunt" and "uncle" anymore. But when I was five, of course, they were Aunt Joanie and Uncle Johnny.

My memories of Aunt Joanie consist of her introducing me to pop and rock music, like Duran Duran, Hall and Oates, and Cyndi Lauper, and later demonstrating to me through her friendship with a "hair band" (though it's sad that this particular band got slapped with that mantra) of the late 80's/early 90's that rock stars are really just like other people...but again, we'll talk about music in a later post.

In this particular memory, Joanie stands out because Sara (my sis) would go hang out with her while I descended into the Dungeon.

The Dungeon is how I kind of thought of Grandma's basement. It was (still is, actually) a finished basement, and it was where Johnny slept. There were the obligatory pictures of Farrah Fawcett in a bikini on the wall, along with the Wilson Sisters of Heart. At five, I didn't get the allure of that... There was also a pinball machine. That was awesome even to a five-year-old.

It was also where Johnny and his (junior?) high buddies--including a guy named Alan, who will factor in later--played Dungeons & Dragons. Advanced Dungeons & Dragons, to be exact. The game had just come out. And I was introduced to it at five, as I sat in with my uncle and his buddies to play. Every session would start with Alan generating a random dungeon from the DMG. Then I would be handed this piece of paper with all these words and numbers on it that I could barely read--yes, barely. Mom said I was sight-reading by three, and able to read on my own quite well by five.

So they handed me this piece of paper--this character sheet-- and told me which of the funny-looking dice to roll when, and even let me play in character sometimes. As a five-year-old, I had a pretty active imagination, so role playing wasn't exactly a stretch.

Once, my grandmother yelled down the stairs, "Johnny, don't yinz be teaching him anything bad down there!"

To which Johnny shouted, "Here, Jase, smoke this!!!"

His friends laughed uproariously. It took me many years to understand that joke.

I had a bit of a dry spell for a few years in the mid-80's, but basically I've been playing RPG's ever since.

So there you have it. I became a geek through the fault of George Lucas, Stan Lee, and E. Gary Gygax. If any three men could be said to have shaped my life, it's them.

Go on to Interlude 1.

How Did I Get Here? Introduction

2011-06-06T17:57:00.004-04:00

INTRODUCTION

Okay, Blogger. I should've done this a long time ago. Now it's just you, me, my $20 briar loaded with custom blend tobaccy from the Tinder Box, and a glass of Bailey's on the rocks.

Seriously--I have a pretty vast collection of pipes, including some meerschaums worth hundreds of dollars--and this $20 briar I bought about 11 or 12 years ago (maybe even more) is the best smoker I've got.

But that's beside the point.

I've been in a dry spell as far as writing goes over the past, well, two years--let's be honest. I could make all kinds of excuses for it, but why bother? I've been in a dry spell. I've tried to write something daily and usually succeed on some level, but it's generally crap. Somewhere around five years back, my lovely wife Julie (who then was my lovely girlfriend Julie) bought me a writer's amulet, which is a beautiful piece of Celtic artwork with an invocation to the angel Raphael on the back. I lost it sometime before we moved to our house. Well, last week I found it. And started wearing it.

And it has been nagging at me to start again.

Hot damn, I think to myself, this thing works.

In any case, here I am. Hopefully this upcoming series of blogs will be more insightful and less angst-ridden than those I've written recently. I'm starting to sound like a 16-year-old Emo kid, and that's just not cool at my age. So instead of wondering why things suck so much, I thought I'd take a look back and see how I got here. Not in a bad way, but just re-examine my life, the moments that stick out in my mind. Some of them will be painful to write. Some will be painful for others to read. But you know what? A writer has to be fearless. It's the number one thing you've got to have.

"What inspired me to write this series," you ask? Okay, I know, you could probably care less, but I'm going to tell you anyway. I'm going to tell you because I have the microphone, as it were, and in the end, I'm doing this for me more than anyone else. Maybe someday I'll collect it all together and publish a memoir that nobody will want to read. I'll get an ISBN number and everything.

Also, you should expect me to digress a lot during these little exegeses on life.

I have been feeling nostalgic recently. And by "recently," I mean over the past decade or so. But more recently than that, over the past week or two, I've begun thinking of things I have watched and read that really on some level resonated with me. The one thing that really stuck with me and kept coming back was the webcomic Queen of Wands, by a lovely woman who goes by the name Aiere. This comic, while it did have some wildly funny moments, was not a comedy-based strip. Rather, it was a pretty damned insightful story about a bunch of people, as Aiere describes it, in that place between graduating from college and realizing you have no idea what you want to do with your life.

Unfortunately for me, I kind of got stuck in that place. Actually, they only thing that's unfortunate about it is that other people about whom I care didn't get stuck there with me--because honestly it can be a fun place to be. You spend a lot of time really reflecting on things, and it's good to be reflective. You refuse to let go of the childish things you loved when you were a kid. Really, why should we have to let them go? You know, it was C.S. Lewis who said that when he became a man he realized it was time to put away childish things...but people tend to forget the rest of that quote. The rest of it is, "including the fear of being childish."

Toys rock. Comics rock. Games rock. Why should we stop appreciating these things just because we got older? We shouldn't. We should revel in them.

Which brings me back to QoW. The main character, Kestrel, really revels in her love of comics and toys. She's reflective and loves to sit in cafes reading a book--often Alice in Wonderland or some other young person's fantasy novel. She's passionate, hot-tempered, sarcastic and opinionated...she's pretty much me, only with red hair and breasts. I could relate on a very deep level with everything Kestrel goes through in that strip. The other characters are equally realistic and well-realized. Nobody in that strip is two-dimensional, and all of the problems are as real as real can be. It's comforting to read it. Seriously. If you have not read QoW, you should go there, skip to the beginning, and read that thing. It's amazing on every level...and yes, the artwork starts off somewhat amateurish, but it very quickly gets wildly better. By the end of the comic's run, she's well on par with any cartoonist out there. In my opinion.

So as I've been re-reading the archives (and Aiere, if you should by some strange chance hear about this blog and take a look, I'd pay good money for a bound collection), I've begun thinking about my own life some. So it was, I was sitting at home this afternoon after work, and my amulet started pulling me upstairs. Seriously, it was quite insistent. "You, sir," it said, "are going to write something tonight, and it's not going to be fiction. But it's going to be worth writing."

So I grabbed my pipe, packed it up, poured a glass of Bailey's, and we have come full circle.

There you have it, Faithful Readers. I hope that you remain Faithful Readers throughout these diatribes. I hope you enjoy this peek into my life. And I hope that you maybe even bring a few others along with the ride. If you relate to what I have to say, to what I've been through--and really, I think my life is rather mundane, overall--then fantastic! I thrive on comments on these things. It lets me know I'm not screaming into the void. If you do not relate, if you disagree, or if you are offended by what I say, then I politely invite you to piss off and read something else. I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for myself, and for those who might appreciate what I've got to say. I don't pretend to be anyone important or to have anything really profound as far as insights into the nature of life and death, but this is my forum and I'm going to use it.

That's that. Enjoy.

Go on to next part

Just another day in paradise.

2011-06-02T09:38:00.001-04:00

Another day. Really tired today; I was up late last night working on homework, then had to get up at 5:00 am to finish it. Still have more to do later as well. Lots of work this semester, and much of it very frustrating, but I'm gaining useful skills, which is good.

On the down side, still not a single call back from any of the slew of resumes I've sent to prospective employers. Worse, while for awhile it seemed like there was a lot of library jobs opening up in Pittsburgh, now suddenly we're down to just the odd part time clerk job at $9.00 an hour. The idea of completing my Masters degree and still being stuck as an administrative assistant is horrifying. I know my resume and cover letter are strong--I've had it reviewed and tweaked by experts. I have good references. I follow up where possible. I just have a hard time believing it's entirely bad luck due to hundreds of submissions. It would be nice to know what I could do differently. I wish I could've done an internship. I wish I could leave this town to improve my prospects. I wish a lot of things, but as they say, wish in one hand...

I guess all I can do is keep working, keep plowing ahead, and see what happens. I pray every day but that hasn't really helped. Frankly, I'm getting a little tired of praying. If She's out there, either She's stopped listening, doesn't care, or just has bigger fish to fry at the moment. I'm hoping it's the last and some day She'll get back around to me. But clearly the old saying that God helps those who help themselves is crap, because it seems every time I've tried to take a step to help myself, God hasn't stepped up to the plate, and indeed things just get harder.

Not that everything is negative. There's the publication of my novel, which is definitely a step in the right direction for me. And I have plans for further steps to take after graduation. I just really don't want to be working as an administrative assistant anymore. Over ten years of this is plenty, thank you very much. If I have to work an office job, I want to, you know, have an office. And an assistant of my own. But I'd really rather not work an office job, which is why I went for an MLIS in the first place.

At this point I'm just struggling to stay positive. Seems I fail more often than I succeed, but the effort is ongoing. I try to stay focused on the idea that things tend to work out as they should, that in the end everything will fall into place and it will all have been worth it. Just can't give up. And yes, I know that in this economy, I should just be happy to be employed. I tell myself that often.

Sometimes I even believe it.

Broken Gods--my debut novel

2011-05-31T18:32:00.001-04:00

Well, folks, my debut novel, Broken Gods, is now in publication. It can be purchased direct from the publisher, Reliquary Press, above, but should also be available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble online, and affiliate sites within 2 weeks. By all means, however, feel free to buy one direct from the publisher! Indeed, it's better financially for me if you do so!

Libguide on Gnosticism

2011-05-26T09:00:00.000-04:00

So for our first assignment in our Humanities Resources class, we had to design a libguide on a humanities-related subject of interest to us. "What," you ask, "is a libguide?"

A libguide, quite simply, is a set of online resources about a particular topic, presented in an accessible and user-friendly format. Libguides often contain links to books, journal articles, websites, and sometimes multimedia pieces on their subject of choice, which can really be anything from children's literature to the effect of a new experimental drug on cancer.

Ours, as I said, had to focus on humanities. Since my bachelor's degree is in Religious Studies, and my focus in the program was on Western Religion in Antiquity (and Early Christianity, Gnosticism and goddess studies in particular), I chose to do a libguide on the Gnostics. It can be found at http://libraryschool.campusguides.com/gnostics, and will, so far as I can tell, be there for posterity. I hope some who read my blog find it of use.

Blogger introduces mobile settings!

2011-05-19T14:49:00.000-04:00

If any of my followers out there keep regular blogs, you might think about visiting Blogger in Draft, which has a small host of new features for your blog. These are all in beta right now, but all of them seem to work very well. My favorite is the mobile setting--if you go into your "settings" option in your dashboard from the draft dashboard, you'll see a tab for mobile & e-mail. Selecting this tab will enable you to set your blog so that whenever it is accessed from a mobile device--phone, tablet, Nook, what-have-you, it will automatically format for reading on that device. I've done it for all three of my blogs and I love the feature.

I don't use the e-mail feature, but you can also set a "secret" e-mail address that will allow you to literally post blogs via e-mail. I haven't finished exploring the other new features yet, but so far I'm digging it. I recommend checking it out.

Testing

2011-05-17T23:07:00.001-04:00

Yeah...I love my new phone. I can blog from it.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9

A Conan film series as it should be

2011-05-05T15:44:00.002-04:00

So the new Conan movie trailer is out, and I mostly think it's crap. I won't get into the reasons here--there has been enough talk all over the web about that. I decided, rather, to outline my own ideal series of Conan movies, which would actually be faithful to Howard's conception of the character and world, rather than just pretending that was my intent.

Seriously, it's not rocket science to make a good Conan film. You just need to understand that you can't do it better than the original creator. That being said, I will combine a few elements of what I consider to be the better (or at least useful) de Camp/Carter/Nyberg pastiches.

So without further ado, here we go.

Conan of Cimmeria - The first film would briefly adapt Dark Horse comics' most recent origin story, which I found to be an excellent take on what Howard himself wrote in letters about Conan's origin, then combine it with The Frost Giant's Daughter and The Tower of the Elephant. In this film Conan grows to a young man and becomes the adventurer and thief that we know and love, gaining and showing skills that will serve him well in his rise to kingship later. The film would end with him signing on to a pirate crew to try his luck on the high seas.

Conan: Queen of the Black Coast - The sequel would adapt Queen of the Black Coast and go on for just a bit after Belit's death, introducing Valeria as a minor character towards the end.

Conan: Red Nails - The third film, a straight-up adaptation of "Red Nails," picking up where the second film left off.

Conan: The People of the Black Circle - another straight-up adaptation (see a pattern here, folks?) of one of the best stories in the series.

Conan the Usurper - yes, I'm stealing the title from the old Ace series. This film would show Conan's ambitious rise to power, combining elements from "Beyond the Black River" with "Wolves Beyond the Border" and the pastiche Conan the Liberator. Note that I say "elements," here. It wouldn't be a straight up adaptation, though BtBR would be pretty straight, I think, and could bring Conan into league with the Aquilonian rebels. "Wolves" could act as a framing story for the overall narrative. Liberator, while possessed of many flaws, has some excellent elements for a Conan story--a dark sorcerer, a wicked temptress, great battles, and Conan strangling Numedides on the steps of the throne.

Conan: The Hour of the Dragon - Need I say more? The film would end with Zenobia's wedding to Conan.

Conan the Avenger - This film would combine "The Phoenix on the Sword" with the aforementioned novel, replacing Nyberg's Yah Chieng with Thoth-Amon as the kidnapper of Zenobia.

Conan of Aquilonia - The final film in the series would be an adaptation of de Camp and Carter's Ace paperback, with certain elements added. We would need to see the birth of Conn (Conan II) and his rearing to a teenager who strongly resembles his father. Following that, we move into Thoth-Amon's kidnapping of the boy, and Conan's quest to save him. The end of the film would deviate from that of the book, as I never liked the final battle between Conan and Thoth-Amon being fought in the ethereal plane. Somehow or another Conan would overcome Thoth-Amon's magic and probably choke the life out of the sorcerer with his bare hands. Likely this defeat would come with some help from Prince Conn, so the boy would seem like a worthwhile eventual successor to his father's throne. Likely I would have the boy somehow slip the ring off of Thoth-Amon's finger, rendering him weak and powerless, after which Conan can easily dispatch of him. But the book again has great Conan-esque elements to it--evil sorcerers and witches, long journeys for adventure, and you'd get to see Aquilonia's armies attack Stygia. How can you not love that?

So that's probably my ideal Conan series. Feel free to chime in if you like.

Just Another (not so) Manic Monday

2011-04-11T16:45:00.001-04:00

Got some time to kill before class. I had intended to do a little reading for class, but it turns out the book I need, though listed in the card catalog as not being checked out, is not on the shelf in the IS library. Part of me thinks it's kinda sad that a library school doesn't have accurate records of what is and isn't on the shelf, but another part suspects it's been pulled specifically because it's to be used for our class tonight. I'm going to go with the latter.

Speaking of classes, I ran numbers for grades this afternoon. It appears that if I keep on the same course as I am now, I will be sitting on an A- in History of Children's Lit (Par for the course for my tenure here) and on a solid B in Marketing. It's still POSSIBLE to get an A- in Marketing, but it doesn't look likely. I'm not over the moon about the B, especially since it'll only be the second grade below an A that I've achieved in this program, but I'll take it. This semester has been the term of burnout. Hopefully I can get through and rediscover some drive and passion in my last semester. Finish strong.

I need to get cracking on these two major papers I have to write. Made some tiny bit of progress on the PLA article, but haven't really scratched the surface on the Baum paper. However, I've tackled a 47-page capstone on Sophia and scored an A. I should be able to handle a 15-page research paper on L. Frank Baum.

I cannot wait until I am able to work on writing that I want to be doing again. I'll get there. Only gotta get through July 31. Then it's time to start prepping for the GREs so I can apply for the PhD program. Yes, I am a glutton for punishment. I looked at the requirements for the PhD program today. Wow. "Brutal" doesn't begin to cut it. I'm almost as terrified for the prelim and comprehensive exams that go with the program as I am of taking the GREs! I don't think I've ever passed an oral exam in my life. It's intimidating, to say the least.

There still is the lingering question of what happens after graduation. I still can't get a call back for an interview from any of the jobs for which I applied. This is made even sadder by the fact that for two of them I have had friends who have worked at the institutions call to put in a good word for me, and still nothing. It's awful that even having an "in" doesn't seem to help a person anymore. What good is networking if your contacts' word can't get you a foot in the door? Frustrating.

This weekend is the opening of the Carnegie LYNCS location at the Pittsburgh Public Market in the Strip District. If you're local, come out and support the effort--there's all kinds of activities for kids going on, as well as attractions for adults. And yours truly (along with the rest of our Marketing class) had a major hand in getting this thing going. LYNCS stands for "Libraries in Your Neighborhood, Community, and Schools," and is a wonderful and unique initiative that the Carnegie is trying to get off the ground.

Some people are bitter that their neighborhood libraries (which are low-use overall) have lost services while the CLP is spending money to open a new service model in the Strip. For those unfamiliar, the Carnegie was in a situation due in part to the city's failure to live up to its financial commitments, where last year it almost had to cut a couple of branches. In the end, funding was found to keep these branches open, but most (or all) of them lost certain services as a result of the reduced funding available. This means some lost computers, others lost staff, all lost budget, resulting in a host of other unfortunate cuts. The patrons of these libraries feel that the Carnegie shouldn't be redirecting the funds it "stole" from them into another area.

To these people I say, the solution isn't to be bitter about the CLP actually doing something successful and good for a community other than yours, it's to actually advocate in your community for your library. The reason your libraries lost funding is because they hemorrhage funding due to low usage. If you want more funding, get more people in the door and show with hard numbers that your branch needs and deserves the funding. It's that simple. Yelling at the Carnegie board during board meetings isn't advocacy. Advocacy is getting out in your neighborhood and supporting your library in the community. Work with the library staff to sponsor neighborhood events that will get people in the door. Educate your community on the services the library provides. If you want to save your library, make sure it gets used, and be able to show the numbers. It's that simple. Yes, libraries are intended as a free source of information. Yes, they are there to provide community services. No, they are not "for profit" institutions...but unfortunately, they do have to be salient. Funding for libraries is limited, and if a branch is hemorrhaging the limited funds the organization has to distribute, those funds must be redirected somewhere that they can be better, more successfully utilized. As the recent bout of cuts by the Port Authority (where IS our drink tax money going, anyway?) prove, outrange and ranting against the organization that's cutting your funding isn't likely to win you points with them.

It should also be clarified, this first LYNCS satellite is not a new branch of the Carnegie. It's a new service model that serves as an extension of the main branch, operating out of the PPM on weekends. The staff will be qualified librarians culled from the Carnegie's overall pool, and it won't have a full branch budget. In fact, as I understand it, the budget for LYNCS is being culled from the overall budget of the Carnegie Main, not from money redirected from low-usage cuts. I could be wrong about that, but that is my understanding at this time. IN any case, this is an effort to extend services, not create whole new branches (with all the associated overhead that goes with that).

In other news, we're getting the band back together. Oh, yeah. Amish Driveby (Mk. III) will hopefully be hitting the Pittsburgh local music circuit (such as it is, anyway) by this fall. This time we have three original members: myself, the bassist (Jeff), and the drummer (Mike). That's assuming Jeff gets a job in Pittsburgh after his own graduation. We're adding two new members: Rena will be taking over lead vocals and Mark will be playing rhythm guitar (or bass, if Jeff doesn't get back to the 'burgh). Hoping to start jamming sometime late May, if my final two classes don't define "brutality."

Well, I guess that's all for now. I've rambled on long enough and I'm lucky to have the few users I have who actually take the time to read this crap. Until next time, Loyal Followers, I bid you farewell. And don't forget: this Friday and Saturday, the Pittsburgh Public Market in the Strip District! And tell them Jason Vey from the Pitt Marketing Class gave you the heads' up--it'll help my grade ;).

Life is Life

2011-03-28T10:43:00.003-04:00

I can't believe that March is almost over (and it's still below fifty degrees out! What the heck!?). There's only a few weeks of class left, and I feel like (especially in my Marketing class) I'm so far behind. I know there are things I've missed in that class, and for the first time since I started the program I'm honestly worried about a grade in a class.

I really hate taking courses online. I know I've said that before.

Burnout is setting in, big time. I've found graduate school to be the opposite of undergrad. In undergrad, the required courses are the real grind. The stupid crap like your required math, history, and science courses. Then you get into the electives and major-focused classes, and that's where the really good stuff is. In grad school the required courses are the core courses for your professional skils. That's the really interesting stuff--the stuff you came to learn. Then, when you get into the electives you find that the pickin's are somewhat slim. Seems every time I've chosen a course that looked interesting, it's turned out to be painful. However, I've thus far managed to maintain a pretty darned good GPA (All in the A range with one exception and that was a B+), and I just hope I continue to do so through this semester.

I'm done with classes (assuming I pass all my remaining ones) in July, with graduation in August. I got the "remember to apply for graduation" e-mail this morning; that was a nice feeling. I can do this. I will do this. I have to. I've put too much into it to fall apart, now. I just hope I can get a job when all is said and done. I've put in for quite a few librarian jobs, but I can't even get anyone to call me back--not even for a phone interview. I don't get it. I've had professionals look over my resume and across the board they tell me it's really impressive and full of transferable skills. So why won't anyone call me back? Everyone says you need to have applications out before you finish school, but the ones I've put out just don't seem to be generating any interest, and I'm at a complete loss as to why.

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do if I can't find something. I can't stay here forever. It's not that I have a real problem, but it's very much NOT what I want to do with my life, and every day is getting harder and harder. I dislike having to worry about my job all the time, even when I'm not here. Note I didn't say, "think," about my job. I said, "worry." Every Monday, every time I take a day off, every time I go to lunch I come back terrified about what has blown up while I was away that I'm going to have to fix. I can be gone for an hour and come back to 25 or more e-mails that all amount to "What am I going to do!!??"

I'm getting too old for this crap; by thirty-six most people expect you to have it all figured out, and I've done nothing successfully in my life. Of course, to be successful you need to catch a break once in awhile and I don't seem to get those. It doesn't help that people don't let you grow up; more than a few people have made unjustified accusations about my work ethic and desire to be lazy or goof off based on the way I was when I was eighteen to twenty-three years old. I'm not that guy anymore. I work hard for what I get and what I want, but I guess the intervening thirteen to eighteen years haven't made a difference in the minds of a lot of family and friends. To them I'm always going to be a lazy kid who just wants to slack off at the Beehive. Problem is, if a 5-year unbroken string of straight-A's in school (including 1.5 years in grad school before that pesky B+ hit) don't convince them my work ethic is changed, I don't know what will. Guess all I can do is let it roll off my back and accept that some folks won't let me change for the better, in their minds. They have this illusion that straight-A's should be easy for me because I'm "smart." Okay, I'm fairly intelligent, yeah. But I'm not a genius. And graduate school is not a cakewalk; I don't care who you are. I know people who love to claim they're not as smart as me, who I personally think are brilliant.

Blah. I'm whining, I know. So I'm not bliss-filled about my day job. Who is, right? Suck it up and get through it till I find something more satisfying. And I guess the real trick with worrying about the job when I'm not here is simply to stop doing that. Easier said than done, but it would seem to be what I need to learn to do. Maybe I need to figure out a way to focus on what I have, instead of what I want. I'd just hate to have this whole experience have been a waste. I also try very hard (harder every day, it seems) to not be bitter and resentful of the fact that I'm trapped in this dead city with no option to leave. I could have so many options elsewhere, but I'm stuck in Pittsburgh.

In any case, I'm looking forward to reduced stress levels come July, and the ability (hopefully) to focus on some writing again, when I am not trying to find a real job and career. My stress levels are way, way too high right now and I'm really prone to just snapping on people. I very nearly snapped out on my whole family this weekend when they accused me (as they love to do) of enjoying arguing with people. I'm not sure they even realize how ludicrous this claim is--who actively ENJOYS getting pissed off and frustrated? And then when I told them that it really pisses me off when they make that accusation, they continued pushing until they managed to goad me into arguing, and then pointed out that I was once again arguing. I guess in their minds I should just always say, "Ok, you're right" whenever someone makes a false accusation against me, and never defend myself. Because when I feel attacked and defend myself, that constitutes enjoyment of conflict.

In any case, the point is, while they were digging at me (which I sincerely believe they all do just because they can--they get off on upsetting me; I've even had people tell me it's fun because they think it's easy, which is twisted and sick, in my opinion) I very nearly blew my lid and stormed out. I was able to keep my cool (to a point, anyway) and just say "whatever," but it was far more difficult to do than it should've been. I'm noticing a lot of gray in my beard and at my temples lately. Part of that is genetic (my Dad was full-on salt and pepper when he was my age) but a much bigger part is pure stress. It's too much at this point, and I know it's making me difficult to live with. God bless my wife, who is a saint for putting up with me when her job isn't all roses right now, either. I think the two of us could really use a month to just hop in the car and drive aimlessly, to get away from everything and everyone...but then, who couldn't use that?

So there you have it. Life is life. Hope this hasn't been too much of a downer. I guess when it comes down to brass tacks, the end is in sight--at least, where school is concerned. Then I can focus on the other stuff that needs to be fixed. And that's how it's going to have to be.

The Demise (sort of) of Borders

2011-02-21T11:31:00.001-05:00

So for a few months now I've been joking that my biggest fear was that my MLIS would land me a job as a manager at Borders. It then occurred to me: Borders is pretty much no more.

Yes, yes, I know, the company still exists. They are just "restructuring," whatever that might mean. In a practical sense, it means Borders is going away. They don't have all that many stores around this area, and they're closing their three biggest.

The worst part about all this is that Borders brought it upon themselves. There's a hard truth they were unable or unwilling to face: society moves forward, and as much as we would love to wail and gnash our teeth about it, e-readers are HERE. TO. STAY. Period. I don't care if you like them or not. They are now a fact of life. Does this mean that book stores are all going to die?

Nope. Because physical books aren't going anywhere, either. However, you need to embrace the new paradigm if you're going to survive it, and Borders did not.

Don't get me wrong--I'm wildly upset about what happened with Borders. I preferred it to Barnes & Noble. The decor and atmosphere at Borders was far preferable to B&N. It was warmer, somehow felt less corporate and more welcoming. And their religion and gaming sections far outstripped B&N's. But they failed to adapt and evolve with the new paradigm of media sales, and it cost them bankruptcy.

Let's look in the tiniest of nutshells at the e-reader "revolution." Amazon, while certainly far from the first, led the way and really blazed the path to follow with the Kindle. It took off like hotcakes. Then the iPad embraced the open ePub format, which created a whole new world of e-book vendors. Somewhere among all this, Barnes & Noble created the Nook. The Nook used the same e-ink Technology as the Kindle, but combined it with a nifty touch-screen shelf-organization feature which people dug. It still wasn't a perfect competitor, but it was the first real challenger to Amazon. And it kept them going.

People at some point began to cry for a color e-reader. This is where Amazon screwed up. They were too obsessed with "you can read e-ink outside," and refuse to create a color e-reader until they crack the color e-ink code. B&N took the cue and created the NookColor, which runs on the open-source Android OS and uses a touch screen similar to the iPad. The screen is backlit LED as opposed to e-ink, but contrary to Amazon's best efforts to lie about it, you CAN, in fact, read the NookColor outside in sunlight. You're advised to pick up a $15 piece of anti-glare film, but I'm not sure even that is necessary.

Anyway, here's the real rub--not only did they produce a very slick color e-reader that supports just about every format under the sun (save Kindle's proprietary one) AND is easily crackable to turn it into a Droid tablet, they added incentives to bring the e-reader into a Barnes & Noble store. When I bring my Nook to the store, I can read any e-book I like for up to an hour a day (maybe two; I forget) at no charge. As one might expect, this is a far better way to sample a book than the 16-page samples you can download for many. In addition, just by walking in, I can access coupons for the store and/or their cafe which I redeem just by showing my Nook to the clerk. While I'm in store I may just impulse buy a book, game, DVD, or CD. The NookColor is, to my mind, the sharpest e-reader out there.

So while all this was going on, what was Borders doing?

Business as usual.

On some level they realized that e-business was coming, but they didn't take it seriously. They put up a half-assed online store and then said, "Hm. We don't want to be bothered with creating our own e-reader. Let's just pick one at random. Kobo. That looks good. Hey, Kobo, you want to partner with us?"

Don't worry--nobody else ever heard of Kobo, either. It's a fairly bare-bones, no-frills e-reader that offers nothing at all over the Nook or Kindle.

And what did this partnering with Kobo mean? It meant that Kobo got to say "We're partnered with Borders!"

That's...about it. Kobo wasn't even exclusively sold by Borders--you could also buy the equally crappy Sony e-readers there if you prefer.

Add to this the fact that while Best Buy, Barnes and Noble, and other stores were lowering DVD, Blu Ray, and CD prices, Borders' were still exorbitant. They focused on their Borders Rewards program, which was nice, but just didn't make up for all the other ways Barnes and Noble was pulling ahead of them by embracing a sales model that one cannot escape these days. Heck, the three stores closing around here are having a going out of business sale. They are advertising 20-40% off everything. I went in yesterday. Everything was 20% off, not 20-40%, and not a single item could really boast a sale price even at 20% off. I had no incentive to stand in the 2-hour line at the register to buy anything.

So let's examine what maybe COULD have been. Borders was already loosely affiliated with Amazon. They used Amazon's fulfillment house to fill online orders. There was a rumor a few years ago that Amazon might actually buy Borders. Given all that, if Borders did not want to develop their own e-reader like B&N did, what were they thinking by not approaching Amazon to partner with the Kindle, making that their proprietary e-reader? Had they done so, they might have given B&N a bath. They easily could've adopted an in-store incentive through their Borders Rewards program. Send out a coupon--bring your Kindle into the store and get a free latte at the cafe or 50% off any one item. Something like that.

In the face of what the NookColor offers, it may not have been equivalent but it may at least have kept Borders competitive. Lower prices on their media would've helped as well. I see a similarity with the way music piracy threatened (so they said) the RIAA back in the 90's--and it was all because the RIAA was tied to an outmoded, outdated style of business and refused to evolve and adapt.

There's no reason that brick and mortar book stores cannot survive in the new millennium, but they're going to need to adapt in much the same way that libraries are. It's about media, now, not wood pulp and ink. If you adopt the right business model, you can thrive. Borders is a case study in how to fail.

Been awhile

2011-02-07T11:14:00.000-05:00

Lots has happened since last I posted. I won't bore you with all the details. Suffice it to say, this has been a hard winter. My distaste for my job (or at least, one specific aspect of my job that I cannot get rid of no matter how hard I try) has combined with my seasonal depression to make things really, really rough on me over the past month. I'm not a bioengineer, I don't want to be a bioengineer, I have no desire to learn about bioengineering, but the one prof. for whom I work seems intent that I be intimately involved with every event he schedules, even when said events take place outside of my work schedule. I should clarify that my job description was specific that there would be no hours outside my normal work schedule.

But it is what it is. It's just frustrating beyond belief that I can't even seem to get a phone call to interview for any of the resumes I've sent out. I've been having nosebleeds and stomach problems partially from stress (to be fair, the nosebleeds are as much from a horrible sinus season as from stress), and even had something of a breakdown last week over the whole thing. I just hope that come spring time things look up a little.

Classes this semester: both very interesting with a lot of fun tasks, but I am down to my last 4 classes (granted, spread over 2 semesters) and am suffering from a serious case of Senioritis, combined with that lingering terror that I'm going to be stuck here permanently, even with a Master's degree. Le sigh.

On the up side, on the 16th I'm checking out the MLIS Ph.D. program by invite from the department, which is exciting and not something I ever thought would happen (me being considered an "exceptional" or "outstanding" student). We'll see how that goes. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, because that leads to disappointing, but it is, again, an exciting prospect.

Now, on to this weekend. Friday consisted of doing some content writing for Optimized Scribes, followed by a nice quiet night with Julie. I was trying desperately to unwind and de-stress, which just doesn't happen easily anymore, but we had dinner at the Moonlight and then relaxed at home (or at least, she relaxed. I tried to.)

Saturday I lost a filling in my molar. That pretty much sucked. But at least it isn't sensitive or painful. I have an appointment tomorrow to get it fixed. I tried to use that over the counter temporary filling stuff, only to discover that stuff is really bad. I mean, it stinks on ice. Doesn't work AT ALL. Don't even bother if you lose a filling. Just keep it clean.

Saturday evening we went to our old friend Amanda's for Chinese New Year. We haven't seen Amanda in about three years, and Chuck and Dana for just as long. So it was really awesome getting to spend time with them. Amanda's daughter Viola is four now. She has sprouted like a beanstalk since last we saw her and is possibly the sweetest little girl I've ever known. I'd love to say I'm committed to making sure we don't lose contact with Amanda again, but damn if it doesn't get hard to maintain relationships as we all get older and adult concerns take over our lives.

Speaking of which, I made the observation at the party that everyone there is a reflection of the new world: the majority of us are in our mid-30's and almost all of us are back in school seeking a graduate degree or a different bachelor's degree so we can change or actually acquire careers. That seems to be a common occurrence these days. Our generation didn't grow up as fast as the one before us, and many of us would very much like to just not grow up at all. I suspect the generation after us is back to knowing what they want out of life early, but we Gen X-ers just don't have any clue what we want out of life, except to find a way to somehow enjoy it, which seems more and more impossible with each passing day.

Anyway, in the end, we had a blast at Amanda's.

Yesterday was the Super Bowl party at Mike's. It was fun while it lasted but, well, we all know how that turned out. Congrats to Green Bay. They deserved that victory in spades. I'm still not sold that the Steelers deserved to be there at all. But there you have it.

All-in-all a pretty good weekend, which went way too fast and sees me now back at work. I'm taking the day off tomorrow, but that's for a dentist's appointment so relaxation won't be in the cards there.

Happy Holidays--something to think about

2010-12-22T17:38:00.000-05:00

Listen, children to a story
That was written long ago
About a kingdom on a mountain
And the valley folk below
On the mountain was a treasure
Buried deep beneath the stone
And the valley people swore
They'd have it for their very own

So go ahead and hate your neighbor
Go ahead and cheat a friend
Do it in the name of Heaven
You can justify it in the end
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the Judgment Day
On the bloody morning after
One tin soldier rides away

So the people of the valley
Sent a message up the hill
Asking for the buried treasure
Tons of gold for which they'd kill
Came an answer from the kingdom
"With our brothers we will share
All the secrets of our mountain
All the riches buried there."

Now the valley cried with anger
"Mount your horses, draw your swords!"
And they killed the mountain people
So they won their just reward
Now they stood beside the treasure
On the mountain dark and red
Turned the stone and looked beneath it
"Peace on Earth" was all it said

So go ahead and hate your neighbor
Go ahead and cheat a friend
Do it in the name of Heaven
You can justify it in the end
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the Judgment Day
On the bloody morning after
One tin soldier rides away

Recipe for Lembas - Elvish Waybread

2010-12-16T18:16:00.005-05:00

Here's a recipe I put together for Lembas bread. Didn't know I could bake, did you? Well, I can, and I'm pretty durned good at it when I want to be.

Here's how it came about: we were doing a Lord of the Rings marathon at my buddy Mike's house when the RotK extended edition came out. Mike has a 42" widescreen and a really kick ass surround sound system, so we got together at 9:00 AM on Saturday and watched all twelve-plus hours of the epic trilogy back to back. It was awesome.

Anyway, I wanted to contribute something so I started searching for recipes for Lembas bread. My efforts that year were futile, but flash forward to last Christmas. I got the hankering to try again, so I looked up some recipes online. This time I was successful in finding a bunch, but was wildly unhappy with the vast majority of them. It seemed stupid to me that everyone puts orange peel or citrus fruit into Lembas, when elves lived in a temperate climate in England.

So I set about to make my own, based on what we know of Lembas bread. Here's what Tolkien says about Lembas:

They contain honey
they are cream-colored on the inside with a light brown outer crust
they are thin and regular-shaped (mine are rectangular).
they are hearty and healthy. One cake is supposedly enough to sustain a man for a full day's march.

Some other things we can guess, just based on what Lembas is: It is likely it contains fruit and flower-water or juice of some sort. Since elves live in a temperate climate, apples or berries, perhaps of the Mallorn fruit or blueberries, are a good bet. The type of fruit used will change the flavor of the bread. I am going with apples due to the fact that Tolkien says Lembas is golden on the outside and cream-colored inside; berries would color the bread dark inside, while apples will not have this effect. In addition, Lembas probably contains some kind of finely ground light-colored nut for protein. I use walnuts, but peanuts or pistachios would work well, too. It's likely that nourishing flour, such as whole grain, would be used. I use half wheat flower and half white. My original attempt used all wheat flour but resulted in a very heavy, very dry cake.

So without further ado, here it is: my recipe for Lembas. I am constantly tweaking this recipe; this is the most recent version and I am transcribing it here having just pulled a batch out of the oven not ten minutes ago. The final consistency of these is somewhere between a bread and a cookie, not unlike a shortbread.

1 3/4 cups of whole wheat flour
1 3/4 cups of white flour
1 Tablespoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
8 Tablespoons cold butter
1/3 cup brown sugar
1/3 cup honey
1/2 – 3/4 cup milk*
1/4 cup apple juice or 1/2 fresh, peeled, finely-chopped apple
1/4 cup nuts (walnuts, pistachios, peanuts) (optional)

1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees.

2. Mix flour, baking powder, and salt in a large bowl.

3. Chop butter into mixture with a pastry cutter or knead in with your fingers until you get a crumbly mixture.

4. Add sugar, honey, apple, and nuts, and mix. Note: if using apple juice, add in the next step with the milk.

5. Add milk and apple juice (if using juice). Stir with a fork or knead with hands until dough forms.

6. Roll the dough out about 1/2 inch thick.

7. Cut out 2-3 inch squares and transfer to a cookie sheet. Criss-cross each square from corner to corner with a knife.

8. Bake for about 12 minutes or until set and lightly golden. Makes 20 to 25 cakes.

*If using apple juice, 1/2 cup milk. If using fresh apple, 3/4 cup milk.

Days of Freedom

2010-11-29T12:22:00.000-05:00

I took a vacation day from work today to extend my Thanksgiving weekend by one day. As I often do when I have a free weekday--I absolutely LOVE having weekdays off, by the by--I came down to the South Side to sit at my favorite cafe. The intent is to try and get some writing done. I pretty miserably failed NaNoWriMo this year. There's nothing new about that. But it got me started on a new project about which I've been thinking for some time and it seems a good time to get started. I had originally intended to go hunting, but my gut told me not to go today, to just spend the day enjoying life for a change with no ulterior motives. I need to do that more often. I really believe that's why we're here, to enjoy this world we've been given and this gift called life, and I think we've done everything we can as a society to ensure that people don't get to do that. Most of us spend the majority of our lives doing something relating to work, and most of us don't like our jobs. That seems somehow...off...to me.

Consider: You get 6-8 hours a sleep a night (or at least, you should). But most people spend between 30 minutes and 2 hours commuting to work, each way, then spend 8 hours sitting at their desk or cubicle or whatever. That's 9 to 14 hours out of every 24 spent at or en route to or from a job that does not fulfill or satisfy us in any way. Add 7 hours for sleep into the mix. We're now up to 16 to 21 of 24 hours every day. This leaves three to eight hours every day for ourselves, and how much of that time do you just spend recuperating from work?

Kinda nuts, ain't it? And I'm not talking about those rare folk who get to do what they love for a living. You all are the lucky ones and you should be thankful every day for what you get to do.

Anyway, that's why I love having weekdays off, where I can just relax and enjoy being alive. I can decide when I wake up in the morning what I want to do for the day (and it often involves sitting in a cafe with my laptop, writing or reading). Today's extra-good because it's a very pretty day. A bit brisk, in the mid-40's, but the sun is out and the sky is blue. Sure, I'm sitting in a dark coffeehouse, but there are big windows out of which I can see. I try not to dwell on the nagging dread of having to go back to work tomorrow and just enjoy what I've got going on right now, in the moment. It doesn't always work, but if I can get 60% of my day for relaxation, then that's just fine.

The point is, weekdays off--especially nice weekdays--are awesome. I dream of the day when I really get to enjoy my life. It will come some day, of that I am certain. It's just a matter of when, and I have to keep plugging away at my goals until I get there.

It's looking like I'll be pulling B and B+ this semester in classes, which is down from my usual A and A-, but my instructors are exceedingly tough graders this semester. I'm not pleased to be losing my straight-A streak, but on the up side, my A AVERAGE will still be intact and B is nothing to sneeze at. Gotta keep things in perspective; there are a lot of people out there who are proud to pull out B's in grad school, and I can try for my A's again next semester. I've pretty much decided that as soon as I finish my degree I want out of my current job. If I can't get work in a library somewhere, I may look into management positions at book stores. Anything to be done with being an administrative assistant. Who knows? Maybe I'll get a million dollar deal for Charlie Morning and Mr. Night.

...and monkeys might fly out of my butt, too.

Speaking of Morning/Night, I'm planning to start revisions on it in about a week or so. I've removed myself from it for a few weeks to allow others to read. Reactions have been universally enthusiastic and positive, which is nice...but it means I'm left to my own devices to find and correct the weaknesses. Only thing to do is dive in and get to work. Get it tightened up and ready to go, then shop it around. If by some miracle I find an interested agent and/or publisher I'm sure they will be able to point out where it needs work.

Okay, on that note it's time for me to bust open Apotheosis and get to work. Got Winamp up and running with 300 songs by Lita Ford, the Runaways, Alanis, Sarah McLachlan, The Meridians, Nightwish, Inkubus Sukkubus, Voltaire, Evanescence, and Lacuna Coil. Let the word-flow begin.

Happy Monday!

2010-11-22T08:42:00.002-05:00

Monday. I feel thick-headed and slightly nauseous today. Hoping that'll clear up as the day goes on. Didn't sleep well last night, but that's nothing new; I rarely sleep well Sunday nights.

Let's get the negative out of the way first. Today is the day of The Big Meeting (DUN DUN DUNNNNN) to deal with this purchasing crap. Plan is simple and straightforward: let them air out their grievances, be contrite, and try to address what we can do to help them feel better about things. Arguing and trying to demonstrate the facts of the situation will not be constructive or productive, and certainly not conducive to ending the meeting quickly. Other than that, things are okay.

This was a very good weekend. Friday night hung out at home with Julie--lazy night, which we needed. Saturday we went to lunch at the Waterfront (Red Robin..mmmm) with her mom, then to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part I. In short: the movie is awesome. Very epic in scope. Wasn't pleased with the abruptness of the ending, but loved the movie overall. After the movie, Julie took her mom home, then went to hang out with some friends, one of whom is going through the disollution of his marriage right now and is in a bad way. I couldn't go because I had to get the resubmission of that website done for school...which I did. It's complete and in and I had a friend look at it and she thinks it looks good, so it's off my plate now. Fingers crossed. It's very frustrating and nerve-wracking that neither of my classes have posted grades for the vast majority of our assignments thus far. I don't like having no benchmark for how well or poorly I am doing. But the point is, it's turned in, I did my best on it, and it's out of my hands.

Sunday I woke up at 6:00 AM and couldn't get back to sleep, so I rolled out of bed, made coffee, and watched the morning news and a few episodes of Witchblade while checking e-mail and message boards. As much as I like staying up late and sleeping in on weekends, it's also really nice to be up early. The pre-dawn hours of Sunday are very tranquil and calm. It's really nice. Peaceful, especially when you have nothing you have to do. Late Sunday morning I finished cutting down the three trees that have been an eyesore on our back yard since we moved in. Now I just need to get them cut up, bound, and taken out to my folks' place for disposal in the woods or the fire pit.

At 1:00 I put on the Steelers game and really enjoyed watching them slaughter the Raiders in what was both the most chippy game I've seen in a long time, and the worst officiated game I have ever seen in my life. But knowing that the Steelers are capable of roundly beating a pretty good team in spite of referees entirely bent on the Steelers losing. They played like champs yesterday. It's just a shame they refused to come at Brady the way they came at Oakland yesterday. Let's hope this was the turning point for the team, and they're getting the fire back that they had the first couple games this season.

After the game, more Witchblade, though I didn't get to pay attention much because people started to arrive for gaming, so I'll have to go back and re-watch those eps. Gaming was fun, though a bit more research and investigation and stealth that it probably should've been, as a couple characters got a bit left out. It was only second session; I'm sure things will pick up as the GM gets more of a feel for the group. Overall the game's a lot of fun. I've never actually played in a Cinematic Unisystem game outside of a con, only run them. So that's cool.

Short week this week at work due to Thanksgiving. It should (knock on wood) be a pretty quiet one, too, once I get through The Big Meeting today. I took Monday off so I have a 5-day weekend. Monday is opening day of Buck season, but I'm not sure I'll get out to hunt as I need to make sure I'm caught up on school. I'm looking forward to the days off (even though only 4 of the 5 are actually OFF, since Thanksgiving is a lot of running around and high-activity). I really need some time to recollect myself away from reality. I wonder if I can write 35,000 words plus schoolwork in one weekend?

The nice thing: after Thanksgiving there's only 3 1/2 weeks before I get 11 days off, which is kicked off (no pun intended) by taking Julie to her first Steelers game. That should be awesome. She is very excited, and I'm feeling no small amount of anticipation myself.

The first three early reader reports on Charlie Morning and Mr. Night came in--all ravingly positive. That's always nice. Unfortunately, the lack of criticism means I'm not sure exactly how to tackle the rewrites next month, but I'll dive in and just do it, see what happens. Couple reports are yet to come in, from people who are more likely to blast it, so we'll see what they say. Dare I hope I can actually find a market for this? Send me prayers and vibes. It would be really awesome if this one was my ticket.

Okay, I guess that's all for today, folks. I'm out, and remember: That was the year that will go down as the year we were all introduced to Chinese Turkey.

Ups and Downs: Better than Yesterday, Worse than Tomorrow?

2010-11-16T11:01:00.001-05:00

Tuesday. Today is, in many ways, the day of truth. My boss comes back from vacation and we will see if he backs me on the purchasing blowup from last week. I have a major assignment due tonight. My three last assignments have not yet been graded--two of them are a month old, which irritates me.

And in the time between writing that and now (blogs at work commonly take me several hours to write because I get a few sentences in, between work-related tasks) my boss came in. I explained the entire situation to him and he's backing me up on it. My shoulders feel decidedly less tight, now. I'm not entirely out of the woods on this; I still have to meet with the doctoral student in question, but I essentially have permission now to tell them how it is. There's a lot of back biting and self-important cattiness going on with this that's frankly ticking me off. It's garbage like this that reminds me ever more how much I hate what I do. Gotta live with it, I guess, until something better comes along, and keep my eyes peeled for those opportunities.

The school thing is still hanging over my head, but that is hopefully manageable. I just need to not fail classes. I would prefer to continue to keep my straight-A average in place, but my classes this semester are brutal. All I can do is my best to keep up and see what happens. That "F" in Resources for Children has really demoralized me, even though I'm being allowed to resubmit. If I could get my most recent grade back and get a good grade on it, that would go a long way towards fixing that.

NaNoWriMo has stalled due to the stress of the past week. I need to stop letting that happen. But now that I know all is well with the ordering snafu, my stress levels and consequently my apathy and dark mood, are lifting. Also, the boss has told me he wants to re-jigger my responsibilities so the actual purchasing and account management aspects of the job aren't split up amongst multiple people, which I think is a good idea--it will make things far more efficient. I may try and foster off some of my grant administration to our new grants assistant in exchange for the posting and levels responsibilities. But more importantly, this means that he's definitely assuming I will not be laid off due to lack of funds. He stressed again that we don't have enough staff to do things the way they should be done. This is good because it means I don't have to worry about being laid off, but bad because I was starting to think getting laid off might be a blessing in disguise where school is concerned.

I completed an e-mail pre-screening for a part time job at a local library which would be evenings and weekends. I really hope I make the cut--it would be great. Not only would it allow me to get some practical experience in a 21st-century library setting, but it would be a foot in the door when it comes time to look for full-time jobs, plus an extra $14/hr or so that would help massively towards getting me out of debt. I kind of have a feeling today that something good is on the horizon, so maybe this is it? We shall see.

So that's today, I guess. Ups and downs. Typical day in Jason-Ville, but not as depressing as yesterday.

That's all for now, folks. I'm out, and remember: "Listen, Lumberg, I got a meeting with the Bobs in about a half hour, so I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead and come back tomorrow."

Yep, winter is coming

2010-11-15T10:04:00.002-05:00

Winter is definitely on its way. I know because I'm feeling that restless wanderlust and sense of extreme misery with my entire life that always accompanies this time of year. Winter is exceptionally difficult for me, and is compounded by the fact that I'm just wildly unhappy with my situation in life right now. I am seriously very miserable, waking up every day just sick about facing coming to this place. I'm working to change that, of course, but it can't happen fast enough. And I'm still petrified about not being able to find a job in a library when I'm done with school, given how limited my options are, being stuck in the Pittsburgh area and unable to move away.

Life looks pretty bleak to me these days. Every time there's any little blowup at work (and let's face it--who doesn't have those on a regular basis?) it just hammers home how much I abhor what I do for a living. I never wanted this. Ever. I fell into it and it pays the bills. But it's starting to invade my life outside of work, and I shouldn't have to worry about my job when I'm not here. Maybe some people disagree with me, but that's how I see it. I don't live for work. I work so I can enjoy life, at least until I get into a career of my own choosing instead of one with which I am stuck (and trapped). Then, maybe, things will change.

Ugh, too much to get done for class, too much stress at work...yeah, this semester sucks hard. My friend of Misery, indeed.

And before a ton of people come around and tell me that I have seasonal affective disorder (I AM SAD! :p) and should seek help...save your breath and the potential carpel tunnel you'll get from typing it out. I'm well aware that I have seasonal depression. It's mild and manageable and millions of people have it. I don't believe in running out to get pills so I can enjoy Better Living Through Chemistry. At least not until I stop finding the will to get out of bed and do what I need to do to get through the day.

It's crazy, though: as hard as the change of seasons is on me, at the same time I love the fall. I love the crispness and smell in the air, the colors of the leaves. The only thing that sucks about fall is that winter comes after it. So yeah, I'm stuck with this lingering sense of stress, tension and misery coupled with an excitement and love for this time of year. Put those two together and tell me how confusing that is to feel.

I pray every day for things to change for the better, and I look for opportunities to affect that change for myself (because I believe the Mother and Father send us opportunities, not easy answers) but I'm just not seeing them there.

I don't know. Life sucks right now. Sorry this is such a dark post...that's just how I'm feeling today. Something seriously needs to change, and soon, that's all I know.

Day from Hell and after...

2010-11-12T09:46:00.003-05:00

So yesterday was truly a day from Hell. I had a major assignment due, and while working on it I hopped onto my Courseweb to check the grades for my class. Lo and behold I discovered that I had failed my last major assignment (worth 20% of my grade) because of Google Adsense ads all over the website I had submitted for review as part of the assignment.

Needless to say, I felt sick. I've gotten bad grades in the past, but always because of my own laziness. I've NEVER gotten a poor grade on an assignment which I put effort into completing, and I saw no ads at all on this site. Not to mention, 20% is a HUGE chunk of grade to lose out on. So I went back to the site and still no ads that I could see anywhere. I took screen caps, sent them to the professor, and challenged the grade. She in turn sent me a screen cap of the way she saw it (and yeah, it was brutally ugly with ads) but conceded that it was clear I saw a completely different site than she did, and is allowing me to resubmit the assignment with a more appropriate web page. I can only surmise that there must have been an ad block plugin installed on the computer that I used to complete the assignment, of which I was unaware (or knowing how important the "for/non profit" deal was, I would've disabled it). But thank God, I am allowed to resubmit. That's a huge relief, and I'm already scoping out an alternate site to use.

However, despite the relief, I'm now utterly paranoid about every grade in both classes. I was terrified to submit the assignment that was due yesterday, because what if I make another error that causes her to fail it? I went over the requirements a dozen times (or it felt like it), but I did that on the one I failed as well.

So I was still dealing with lingering stress from that all day yesterday, even after I got the news that I was permitted to resubmit. Then, late yesterday afternoon I found out that a doctoral student in one of the labs had complained behind my back to my boss about an order that didn't go through properly. She all but accused me of blowing off her orders. Fortunately, a co-worker who got a phone call about this informed me, so I took it right back to the source and addressed the issue directly, outlining exactly what had happened every step of the way. I cannot address breakdowns on the supplier end--especially if I have not been contacted about said breakdowns existing. I also don't appreciate someone trying to end-around me in a case like this which could've easily been resolved by a simple direct contact.

The student's faculty mentor suggested via the e-mail chain that we sit down to meet and hash out where communication broke down. I immediately responded that I would be more than happy to do so and offered my availability.

I nearly didn't go to my usual Thursday hangout with friends last night because I was in such frazzled and poor spirits. In the end, however, I completed my assignment, went over it as many times as I could, and submitted. I then decided that sitting at home and being stressed wasn't going to do me any good, and seeing some friends would be a good temporary prescription for the tension. And it was.

I passed out at about 11:30 last night, and woke up stiff and tense at 5:30 AM (a half hour before I normally get up). The last thing I wanted was to come back here after yesterday. But I rolled out of bed, got showered and dressed, and made my way downstairs. Then something happened.

I looked out the window, and the sunrise was beautiful. And then something on television made Julie laugh uproariously. It may sound cheesy, but I don't care: Julie's laugh is the most beautiful sound in the world to me. So as I looked at the sunrise and listened to my wife laugh (which made me chuckle as well), I thought about Sophia, and things were a little bit better. Sometimes you need to realize that a really crappy day might even set up more crappy days down the road, but after and in between there are always other days that, well, aren't so crappy. And they may even be good days.

Today has been pretty steady at work, but I don't have anything backed up on my desk and so far no new major stresses have cropped up. Also, the student in question has yet to respond to the e-mail discussion (at least, not in such a way as would include me) and to my knowledge has not forwarded her availability for a meeting.

Overall, so far so good...as long as I don't fail anymore assignments.

Standing Out in Fantasy

2010-11-08T15:11:00.003-05:00

So I've begun my NaNoWriMo effort, as I posted in my last blog. I believe I also posted what it's about. Essentially it's a story set approximately one thousand years after the fall of the Great Old Ones, which in my world was caused by the Elder Race bringing a gigantic meteor crashing down in the Pacific Ocean. The protagonists are the first great heroes among humankind, men and women who perform great deeds to establish humanity as the dominant force on the planet, and thus become the pagan gods of old.

It is, as you obviously surmise, a heroic fantasy, swords-and-sorcery tale, and there are so many paths that could be taken that it could easily expand into an ongoing series. A few notes:

1. It's damn hard to write a fantasy world where humans have civilization without metallurgy.

2. Damn, Seth is one brutal son of a bitch. Poor Isis! I suspect she'll give him his just dues in the end, though.

Here's the problem I've run into.

Have you been to a book store lately? Browsed the sci-fi/fantasy shelves? They are positively littered with books of high, epic, and heroic fantasy. And the VAST majority of these books look very similar on their face. How does one create a fantasy series that's different, that stands out in some way and makes a mark? Is it worth the bother even to try?

I sort of dig the concept behind this work, so I'm going to write it for myself, either way. In the end, I guess, that's all that matters--write for yourself and hope an audience finds you.

So, dear readers, what do you think? What's it take for a fairly typical heroic fantasy work to stand out these days? Is a novel concept enough?

NaNoWriMo: Apotheosis

2010-11-05T18:58:00.003-04:00

For those not in the know, NaNoWriMo stands for "National Novel Writing Month." To participate, the challenge is to write a 50,000 word novel during the month of November. You can do it on your own, obviously, but you can also sign up for a free account at http://www.nanowrimo.org/ and get involved with a community of writers who will encourage you and discuss their own works-in-progress. In addition, the site offers a word count verifier so you can track your progress. You don't really get anything if you "win," except to say you did it. But it's a worthwhile pursuit for a writer, especially one trying to build their chops.

I got started a bit late this year, because of school and working to complete Charlie Morning and Mr. Night, but now that the manuscript is finished, I found myself free to start something new.

Usually I need some time to re-collect myself after finishing a story, novel, whatever, but I have made excuses for the past three years why I couldn't start (or in last year's case, successfully finish) NaNoWriMo, and I wasn't having it this year.

So I have now begun my third novel. This one is an expansion of an idea I had for a sword-and-sorcery fantasy world a couple years ago. I wrote a story called "Apotheosis," which is about a very human warrior named Wotan from the north, and a queen of the southern desert kingdoms named Isis, who also happens to be a sorceress. Anyone familiar with mythology knows where this is going.

The catch is that they are questing together in a world 1,000 years after the stars went wrong and put the Great Old Ones into their eternal slumber. So I'm mixing mythology with Howardian swords-and-sorcery with Lovecraftian horror. We'll see how it works out. I have a definite goal in mind (and the title, "Apotheosis," should give a hint at that). I have developed an entire world in which the story will take place, and have an essay about the state of affairs, which will doubtless grow as I fill in more details.

I'm curious to see if I can pull this off, especially given how much bog-standard fantasy is on the shelves these days.

We shall see, but I'm rather excited about the beginning.

Temporarily Devoid of Ideas

2010-11-04T15:37:00.004-04:00

It's November. Which means it's NaNoWriMo. I haven't signed up yet, but am planning to. Especially since I just finished a manuscript and have the freedom to start a new one in time to get 50,000 words done by the end of the month. Plus, it's a good motivator.

Here's the problem: after you finish a novel, you tend to be rather exhausted and spent. I am currently devoid of ideas for a new novel. I need to find some inspiration. And no, this isn't a call out for people to throw me ideas. That never works for me. It's just me working out some of that mental block to try and find something in there that cries out to be written.

I had considered expanding this Lovecraftian swords-and-sorcery tale I wrote into a full novel. Maybe I still will. I'm just not sure there's a market for that now in a field that's SO over-saturated with garbage fantasy. What does one have to do to make their fantasy tale stand out in a filed that's so riddled with it? How do you walk into a book store, look at all those fantasy books, and say, "That one looks good!"

How do you find something NEW? Randomly choosing one off the shelf can work, but it ends up biting you in the arse more often than it ends up introducing you to great new authors, especially now that anyone can pop onto Lulu and pay $90 to have their book on the shelf at Barnes & Noble. That's sad, but it's the nature of the beast these days. In a world where hacks like Stephanie Meyer are critically praised, it's tough to find quality material out there, and even tougher to have your own work stand out.

Maybe I'm overthinking it. Maybe I should just let old Wotan and Isis loose in the Wasted Lands and see what happens. After all, it's just NaNoWriMo, right?

Getting My Life Back: The Plan

2010-11-01T09:56:00.003-04:00

So as I've blogged about a bit, and as I told my dad last week, I've felt like my whole life is out of control this semester. I've done a lot of frustrated thinking and wondering why that is, why I can't find time to write, why I can't keep up with school, why I'm so emotionally exhausted all the time.

I think I've come up with some ideas and a plan.

See, I've given up something very important to me. It's something that to most people is completely small and unimportant, but to me is core. I stopped sitting in cafes. It's that simple. I used to go to the Beehive a minimum of three times a week to sit, write, listen to course casts, and do whatever else I needed to get done creatively or school-wise. And for some reason, I just...stopped. I got out of the habit of going. That has to change. It's that atmosphere, being somewhere with a good, creative energy and somewhere that's not at home, which allows me to function creatively. I need that. I thrive on it. And I've let it go.

So starting this week, that's changing. I'm going to start going to a cafe at least a couple days a week--every day as often as I can manage--and do schoolwork and write. I have two options: I can do the Beehive straight from work (my likely choice) or Cannon Coffee, which is within walking distance of my house.

In other news, I found out that I may be getting laid off. Seems there are budgetary problems with the grant that pays my salary. I really can't get more detailed than that here, but it's a distinct possibility. Now I'm sure my boss is going to do all he can to not have to do that--he doesn't want to lose staff. He's working hard to get more staff. But if it does happen, it presents major problems. Specifically, it's going to at very least delay my finishing school, as I'll lose my tuition benefits from Pitt and won't be able to secure loans until next fall. That won't be a horrible tragedy, as it'll delay me pretty much by one semester. Instead of finishing in July, I'll finish in December by doing one more full-time semester. And I might be able to do a field experience. So it could end up being a blessing in disguise, if you don't consider that I'll be about $20,000 more in debt at the end of it all. Making ends meet on unemployment will be difficult, but not impossible, and I'll try to kick up content writing again to make some extra.

I dunno. Part of me thinks it'd be a blessing in disguise if I did get laid off. But all I can do at this point is hang on and see how it goes.

So there we have it. Wish me luck, send positive thoughts and vibes, and I'm going to roll with the idea that things tend to work out the way they should. The hardest part is going to be getting back into the habit of writing, of shutting down the distractions and diving back in. But once I'm back in the zone, all will be well.

More Ramblings

2010-10-25T09:07:00.002-04:00

So this weekend went way too fast. I know; they always seem to, but this weekend in particular just flew by. Friday night I went out to my folks' place just for a visit; took the new bow out for Mom and Dad to look over before I put the polyurethane on it. They used to have a furniture refinishing business so their expert thoughts are always good to seek. Unfortunately, while she thought the inside of the bow looked great, mom thought the outside looked awful. She offered to fix it up for me, and I took her up on it.

My dad has been learning to play guitar, so I took my Strat out and left it for him to play with. He was happy about that. Other than that, we just hung out, ate chicken, watched TV. It was nice.

Saturday morning Julie and I were supposed to meet up with our friends Ken and Rya to go out to Trax farms. But at 8:15 am my dad called.

"Hey, are you still home?"

"Yeah, why?"

"What time you heading out?"

"They should be here any minute."

"Shit."

"Why, what's up?"

"Well, I shot an eight-point and I'm down over the hill..."

"I'll be there. They can go to Trax without me."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'll be there soon."

So I trekked back out to the folks' place, and helped my dad drag a rather massive deer up a rather massive and steep hill...took us about 2 hours to get it up. But that was no problem; I was happy to help. I hung out again till about 12:30, then headed home. En route I stopped at a used CD/Movie/Game store called The Exchange on a whim, and picked up the Nightmares on Elm Street boxed set, which I'm long overdue for owning, given that I'm a rabid fan of that series. I then kicked back for a couple hours and watched Elm Street 4, 5, and 6 back-to-back, at which point it was time to head to Robert and Mike's for their party.

Kudos to Robert and Mike--probably the best party of theirs I have yet attended; met some very cool people, had a good time. Sara had a pretty rough night, but talked to her yesterday and all is well. After the party, Julie, Mike (the other Mike) and I decided to head to Eat n' Park for a late night eating. Got in around 2:30 AM.

Sunday morning I didn't wake up until 10:30 AM, which is WAY unusual for me, so I was disoriented and out of it all day. We watched the Steelers game (boy, did they get away with a win they probably didn't deserve), then I watched the Nightmare on Elm Street Series retrospective documentary on Bio (which was awesome) while working on getting the house cleaned up for our party this coming Saturday--a very daunting task. The house gets thoroughly cleaned once per year, so it's not an easy task when we do it.

Long and short of it--I feel like I had maybe 6 hours of actual relax time this weekend, between all the running around I did. I did NOT want to come into work today. I could use a good month off. But then, who couldn't?

I am just feeling kind of burned out lately. Not like I'm running on empty, per se, but like I'm just going through the motions in a haze. I miss my afternoons at the Beehive, getting writing and schoolwork done. I think I may need to give a shot at getting that going again, and pray that the Beehive hasn't changed much despite the fact that they're now a bar. But it feels kind of like I've lost something, or let something go by the wayside, and I need to get it back. I've been here before--feel lost for a little while until I realize where I lost my way and make the small adjustment needed to get back on track. This is it--my life is too rote, and I've forgotten to leave room for the things that keep me sane...like writing.

I hope the Beehive is still the Beehive I've loved for so many years. If not, I'm going to have to begin the search for a new cafe with the right ambiance. There is a nice place on Brookline Boulevard, but--and I hope this makes some kind of sense--it's too light in there. I prefer my cafes dim and bohemian. But it may just be that I need to get used to it.

I'm sure, however, that's the answer. I need to resume going somewhere in the afternoons where I can focus on what I need to do, instead of going home and watching TV or otherwise being a vegetable.

Unfortunately, this week won't be the week to start. Julie and I have too much work to do, getting the house ready for this weekend. Plus, tonight we're going to see Back to the Future in the theater, which rocks.

Guess that's all for now. I'd say that I will try to be more frequent with postings, but really, who are we kidding?

Longbow finishing Log 3 - WIN

2010-10-21T14:41:00.002-04:00

So after some serious thinking, observing how the red looked over the amber, and remembering how the sunburst failed, I opted not do use ebony for the grip. You see, it's impossible to stain over ebony, and if I screwed it up it would look hideous.

Instead, after some thinking and consulting with my dad, who used to co-own a side business refinishing furniture with my mom, I decided to mix a little ebony with the Sodona Red, resulting in the same shade of red, but darker. This would, I hoped, result in a nice, rich color for the grip which would seamlessly blend into the lighter red on the limbs.

I did this on my lunch break today--I go home for lunch as I live very close to work. Don't tell anyone, but I broke the speed limit both ways to buy extra time.

I poured about 1/2" of red into a plastic cup, then mixed just a teaspoon of ebony into it. I then applied it to the grip and using a dry brush "feathered" the edges up into the lighter red, as my mom instructed. I then let it sit for as long as I possibly could before leaving to head back to work, which was about 25 minutes.

It came out positively gorgeous. I think I'm going to do one more coat this afternoon before I go over to Ken and Rya's, to darken it a little more, and then let it ride.

My next step: I'm considering using a thin brush and some black and white paint to detail-accent the edges and lines. I need to think on that before I move on it, though. The thing may be just fine the way it is.

Pictures will come tonight. I am hoping to have a coat of Polyurethane on it by Saturday. Sunday I want to take it out to my folks to leave with mom so she can paint the Tengwar on it.

Bow finishing log part 2: EPIC FAIL

2010-10-20T21:57:00.002-04:00

Okay, not EPIC...but the sunburst stain didn't work. It was kind of a long shot anyway. To do that type of finish you really need spray stain, and as my friend Mike pointed out, as narrow as that bow is, I would've needed an airbrush to get a small enough spray to pull it off.

The first side of the first limb I did came out very nice. The second one just came out ugly. And there's no fixing it once the stain is applied...so I was kind of stuck. I just ended up covering the whole bow in Sodona Red, like I did with my old one. I am still going to attempt to do the grip in black, though on the second coat of red (which is soaking in as we speak), some of the stain ran over the tape and onto the grip. Hopefully the black is dark enough to cover over the whole thing.

I'm considering doing the edges in black as well. Will have to see how it all looks when done.

I've added the new photos to the facebook album.

More tomorrow.

Finishing a longbow

2010-10-19T18:45:00.005-04:00

So as many of my friends know, I purchased a longbow at our local Renaissance Festival from a bowyer who was new to the faire. He was selling what he calls "You Finish Longbows," which are hickory longbows that essentially you need to sand and stain, and decorate however you like. These are real longbows--mine was a 53 lb. draw weight, which was more than enough to hunt with.

I finished it up (pictures are on my facebook page) taking inspiration from Legolas' bow in Fellowship of the Ring (pre-Lothlorien). I loved the way it came out.

Unfortunately, I think there was a flaw in the wood and after only my fourth time using it, I gave it a backwards shove to straighten it (as you're supposed to) and it just split. I contacted Justin, the bowyer, explained the situation, and sent photos. They said they'd never seen that happen before, and replaced the bow with a nice new one.

I should give them a shoutout while we're here: http://www.gibow.com/

Anyway, I've been working on the new one and thought I'd keep a log of my progress. You can see photos of the bow here:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=74165&id=1593440630&l=882c67a2be

Currently it has been sanded, and the first coat of stain--Ipwswitch Pine--has been applied. My plan is to attempt a sunburst finish, similar to what you see on some guitars. For example:

The steps I'm following are as follows:

1. Sand, apply Ipswitch Pine (already done). Let dry overnight.

2. (Wednesday) Using masking tape, mask off the center of the bow, folding edges of tape under to allow for just a little bleed. Apply Sodona Red stain to the edges and sides. Lift tape and feather edges with a dry brush. When it's time to wipe off excess stain, lift tape slightly to allow for bleed smoothing. Let dry overnight.

3. (Thursday) Check to make sure the bleed is looking decent. If it's not working, strip the tape, do the entire bow in red, and have done with it.

4. If the bleed looks decent, tape off a bit more, again folding the tape down for bleed. Leave the grip un-taped. Do the grip, sides and edges in Ebony. Lift tape and feather edges with dry brush. Again, lift tape slightly when it's time to wipe off excess stain to smooth bleed. Let dry overnight.

5. (Friday) Varnish with Krylon satin finish clear polyurethane. 2 coats.

That's the plan. After that I am considering doing gold gilt on the edges. I may also have Sindarin script done on it (by someone more talented than me). I just need to come up with something good. I have a couple ideas.

Anyway, that's that. More as I progress.

Oh, I should also clarify: all three of the stain colors I'm using are Minwax stains.

I can't write

2010-10-14T12:09:00.003-04:00

I have too damn much going on in my life right now. This semester is rough--I'm having a very hard time finding any motivation for school at all (and I'm not the only one; several of my cohorts have voiced the same sentiment. Just something odd about this semester, it's hard to get motivated or excited about my classes). Still, I have to keep plugging ahead. Gotta keep the grades up and get through as best I can.

My day job has been the very definition of stress lately. It doesn't suck as much as it did a few months ago, but it's just way too much on the plate all at once. I get home completely exhausted, physically and mentally, and somehow have to find a way to get through my online courses. Sometimes that results in personal days off work which are then dedicated to catchup in classes.

On top of that, I have my three gaming groups. The commitment here is minor, but it is two days a week (Sunday and Thursday), and one Friday (roughly) every other week. Saturdays I spend trying unsuccessfully to get things done around the house and trying with very minor success to keep in touch with my folks and sister so they know I'm still alive.

The point is, between all of this, I find myself with no time or energy to write. I just realized yesterday that the novel I have in progress, I have been working on for over a year. That's just inexcusable. The characters are there, in my head, scratching at the backs of my eyeballs and begging to get out. I just can't find the hours to sit down and bang out the remainder of the book. It's sad; I used to get on writers who would claim they didn't have time to write. That's just an excuse, I'd say, and often it is. But now, I really don't have the time and it's killing me. I have two more gaming books greenlit (as soon as I get contracts, anyway) and I've no clue when or how I'm going to get those started, let alone done.

Something's gotta give, here. I'd drop a gaming group in a New York Minute, save that in each of the groups there are people I only get to see in the context of that group. People whose company I enjoy but whom I would never see at all if we didn't have that scheduled time to socialize. That's just how crazy everyone's lives are.

Not being able to write is killing me. My last job (well, the one before last--the last one doesn't count at all) afforded me the free time and privacy to bang out a chapter here and there when I wanted to. It was also a very laid back atmosphere where they were okay with that. Not so at this one. The work is nearly constant (noted by the fact that it's taken me over an hour to write this blog during quick breaths) so I can't get into the kind of zone or flow you need to in order to do fiction. Not to mention, you shouldn't really be working on personal work at your day job anyway.

My favorite cafe, the Beehive, where I used to get a lot of writing done, has gotten a liquor license. They're a South Side dive bar, now, which happens to serve coffee. The inside looks the same (save the beer taps and liquor bottles) but the atmosphere is completely changed. So I've lost that, now. I used to go there after work and try to hammer out a bit. Now all I've got are corporate chain cafes with no soul to them. And I know if I go home I'm just going to be mentally beaten and collapse on the couch.

This is another problem--I've gotten too sedentary. I need to exercise and get healthier. But if I don't have enough time or energy to write, how can I muster up the time and energy to work out?

Ugh. One thing is certain, as I said: something's gotta give. My physical and mental health are far from optimal right now and I need to get back.

My websites

2010-08-30T18:02:00.003-04:00

In case anyone is interested, my various gaming-related websites can be found as follows:

http://www.grey-elf.com : mostly a placeholder for Elf Lair Games, which is on semi-hiatus, though Spellcraft & Swordplay is available for purchase through Lulu.

http://www.grey-elf.com/dnd/: Dungeons & Dragons resources. You won't find 3.x or Pathfinder resources here, and you will most certainly not find 4e resources here. It's just for support of what I personally consider the "real deal": OD&D, B/X D&D, and AD&D.

http://www.grey-elf.com/candc/: Castles & Crusades. Takes everything that made AD&D cool, dumps all the extra fiddly bits, and complements the whole thing with a nice, streamlined rules set. Yes, I'm a fan.

http://www.grey-elf.com/afmbe/: I write for Eden Studios' All Flesh Must Be Eaten game line. This page is dedicated to support for the books I've written.

http://www.grey-elf.com/buffy/: Dedicated to Eden's Buffy the Vampire Slayer RPG, and the game I ran with it for 4 years.

http://www.grey-elf.com/who/: I did a netbook for using Conspiracy X to run Doctor Who. This page is resources for that effort, and the home page of my own campaign. It was actually featured on David Tennant's website at one point...which was awesome.

Vacation at Gen Con

2010-08-11T09:34:00.002-04:00

(Cross-posted with my Wasted Lands blog)

Got back from Gen Con Sunday and needed some time to recover before writing anything about it.

The short version: the con was an absolute blast. There were a TON more vendors in the dealer's room, though not a single video game vendor this year. The con in general had a sense of excitement and anticipation for the future that I haven't sensed there in a few years now. Pathfinder has taken off in a big way, which for reasons upon which I cannot elaborate right now is a very good thing.

The trip out was interesting. We got stuck in a TORRENTIAL downpour just inside the Indiana border. Everything was so flat we could see the lightning hitting the ground all around us. It was pretty terrifying, actually--at one point I was a bit worried we might see a tornado form. But we turned off the highway and found a parking lot to wait it out. This was at some industrial supply company on a back road in the middle of the Indiana countryside. Thank God for the Garmin or we might not have gotten back to Rt. 70. Julie was very nearly struck by lightning when she was a teenager, so she doesn't do well with lightning storms--she was pretty panicked by the time we found the lot, but she did well not to wreck the car. At that point we switched off and I drove for awhile, until about a half hour out of Indy we found this travel stop that--so help me God--sold grilled turkey legs just like you see at a Ren Faire, for $4.99.

I bought one.

It was tasty.

There were a lot of production issues this year--apparently some last-minute labor law changes or conflicts in China had seriously adverse effects on a lot of publishers and manufacturers, so many folks who had hoped to have new product there...just didn't. That was a shame, but many did at least have a token sample copy that people could look through.

Not a great deal of representation for the old school community beyond the usual retailers but that's not a surprise. Let's face it: the OSR is a relatively tiny movement in the overall industry, though it does tend to make a lot of noise. Perhaps next year a number of OSR publishers should consider going in on a booth together? Just a thought.

I walked away with more of a haul this year than usual. Picked up the Age of Conan board game for $45, brand new. Got a few Mongoose Conan RPG books as they were liquidating stock and all were discounted. Julie and I split the cost on the two Dresden Files RPG books. I got the entire system-free Freeport series (3 books thus far) at 50% off from Green Ronin. Picked up ESP 3 and Enter the Zombie from Eden (ESP at zero cost b/c I was owed a comp copy and EtZ because mine is falling apart). I also nabbed a copy of "Roll d∞," the new periodical from Skirmisher Publishing that is designed to support all tabletop games, not tied to any specific system. If it takes off it should be interesting. And I picked up the Fields of Battle mass combat/miniatures system for C&C, as well as their CKG preview (a $10 bound version of Chapter 1 of the at-last-forthcoming CKG). Finally, I secured a really awesome hand-carved churchwarden pipe and stand, made from rosewood, for $55.

I got to meet a few fans, including Kurt Wiegel of Game Geeks. All were really cool and pleasant. My buddy Taejas made the comment after Kurt came over to our table at Johnny Rockets that he (Taej) can't get used to one of his friends having fans. I just said I wish fortune actually went hand-in-hand with fame.

I sat in on one of the writers' seminars and found it to be lacking. Overall the panel was quite good with some very sound advice, but the attendees made it rough, asking questions like, "Do you have a special tool you keep by your side when writing?"...in a seminar about making a living as a freelancer. The problem with this is that the seminar was only an hour long and such inane questions took time away from more valuable questions such as, "how do you research quickly a game you've never played before?" and "how do you actually land gigs writing copy for Amazon or toy companies?" (Hint: the unfortunate answer to both is "know someone" or "get to know someone.")

I then had to listen to whining afterward from people who somehow thought this panel would be a magic wand to make them wealthy novelists. But perhaps the biggest problem with the writers' symposium is that the seminars tend to be the same fare year after year, so if you attend once, attending again is just refresher stuff.

Did a troop with the Indiana branch of the Rebel Legion and 501st on Thursday night, which was awesome. All of those folks are great people, and we had a lot of fun interacting with the kids at the restaurant. One little boy who had to be about 2 or 3 years old and had a birth defect (deformed left hand) jumped up when he saw me, pointed, and yelled, "JEDI!" He and his brother took pictures--I let them hold my lightsaber, which they loved--and when they had to leave the poor kid burst into tears because he did NOT "want to go bye-bye." One of the guys up there brought his 7-year-old daughter who had the coolest Jawa costume I've ever seen--it was screen accurate to the glowing lightbulb eyes, and she had a sound card and voicebox built into it that (loudly) chattered in Jawa-ese. She was the hit of the troop, obviously. Plus, trooping there (at Scotty's Brew Pub) introduced me to the best-kept secret in Indy. Scotty's is everything the Ram is, but better. It's about twice the size of the Ram, so there's no waiting for two hours for a table, it has the custom Gen Con menu (this year's was from Troll Lord and Green Ronin, I think), all of the gaming banners, and the TVs playing sci-fi and fantasy movies all weekend. It's a great place to eat. Good food, GREAT service (another leg up over the Ram, whose service is "meh" at best) and good prices. I had a very good T-Bone steak for less than $15.

My food consumption was not as varied this year as it usually is. Ate at Scotty's twice, ate at Johnny Rocket's twice, ate at White Castle once (because we don't have them in Pgh...but the fact that the window sills were COVERED in dead mosquitoes makes me think I won't be eating there again), and on Saturday (which was my birthday) Julie, Rico, Taejas, and Derek took me to P.F. Chang's. Outside Chang's some guy came up to us with a video camera and asked if he could ask us a question. He refused to tell us in advance what the question was, though he assured us it wouldn't end up online. Rico and Taej (who are both elementary school teachers) were uncomfortable, so I volunteered. The guy then proceeded to turn on the camera and ask me, "Who do you think Jesus Christ is?"

The gang said they could see my entire religious studies degree flash through my brain as I considered how badly I wanted to screw the guy over. In the end I decided to be nice and just tell him, "I'm Christian so I believe he was the son of God, but I also respect people who believe otherwise." I kinda wish I'd been more of a smart ass about it, but ah well.

By the end of the Con my feet were in agony and covered with blisters (I chose poorly when it came to walking shoes) but I had an euphoric time. I also secured several new freelancing gigs and got some great inside industry buzz that I can't really throw out there as it's unconfirmed at this time.

The trip home was long and involved many stops to stretch our legs and wake up, but we made it without incident.

Overall the best time I've had at GC in several years. Good stuff.

More ponderings

2010-07-30T14:05:00.002-04:00

A couple months ago (I think) I posted a blog about how listening to the Iron Maiden album Seventh Son of a Seventh Son brought back fond memories of being a teen on one specific spring day and how it felt to have my whole life ahead of me at that time.

I've just had a similar experience with another album. This one is Accident of Birth, by Bruce Dickinson. This particular album came out in 1997. I was 23 years old at the time, and those days are some of the best times of my life. As Dickens wrote, "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

My Beehive days were in full swing in 97. I spent nearly every waking hour at the Oakland Beehive (which, for those newer to the city, is now the T-Mobile store on Forbes). Those were the times when you could walk into that place at any given moment, from 7:30 AM until 2:00 AM, and find someone there that you knew with whom you could sit, have a cup of coffee and generally enjoy life. And enjoy life we did back then--for some of us, to the great detriment of our college careers.

I was working as a courier at Hillman Library at the time, until they killed the courier position and I then ended up working the stacks (a mind-numbingly boring job--making sure all the books were in the proper call number order). In 97 I was with my ex-fiancee (she left me for the guy with whom she'd been cheating, just before Halloween that year); we lived at first in Oakland on McKee Place, then moved to a small one-bedroom in an orange building on Rt. 51.

But back to the Beehive. I have fond memories of playing Lunch Money (a fantastic card game that everyone should play) with 15 people around a long table made from pushing several together. I remember having rattan-sword fights with Aaron in the "quiet room" when a couple walked in, and Aaron and I spun upon them, shouting gibberish that we assumed sounded Japanese, and ending it with, "Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto!"

...they just turned around and walked out. Very quickly.

That was also the year that I met Bruce Dickinson on tour for the very album in question. Bruce is the singer for Iron Maiden (at that point he was the ex-singer for them; they are now reunited). He had teamed up with their then-ex guitarist (also now reunited with the band) Adrian Smith for this album. So meeting them was kind of a high point for me. Thankfully, both were very cool guys.

Come to think of it, 97 was kind of a year of turning points for me. The year when I first realized at some point I was going to have to grow up. I screwed my credit, blew off classes, hung out with friends, and generally went really wild that year, and most of it is a blur. At some point when I woke up, I was single again, living with my sister and her boyfriend (who is now my brother-in-law), suffering through an AWFUL work-study job at juvenile court, and my grades were in the shitter. Eventually my friend Cheri got me a job slinging bagels at Bruegger's, which truth be told is probably the coolest job I ever had (that place was so awesome there are no words for it), and I met many of the group of good friends I now have through Cheri and that job. I worked my way up to management at Brueggers (which was distinctly less cool than baking and being on the counter), and was very well thought-of there, and that took me through another year and a half. My grades were still in the toilet, though, and I was still living hand to mouth and day by day. I went through another girlfriend and dropped out of school to try and save that relationship (which was a really. dumb. idea.) It took a rebound and another year before I started to get my shit when I came to work at Pitt and went back to school.

Hell, I'm still not sure I'm where I should be at 36. Part of me just flat-out doesn't want to grow up and will fight that until my dying breath. Oh, I'm more responsible nowadays. I pay bills and try to think of the consequences of my actions before I act (I don't always succeed, but then who does?)

Anyway, I didn't really expect to have that reaction to the Accident of Birth album, but it sparked memories. Well, more feelings than memories. Should I do it? Am I going to go Star Wars?

Of course I am.

"Just...images, really. Feelings."

And no, btw, Episode III was NOT inconsistent with that line. But that's a subject for another blog, which may or may not get written.

I have a similar reaction to the Bryan Adams song "Summer of 69." That's right; I said it...I said it! I like a Bryan Adams song. You got a problem with that?

1997 was a year that a lot of messed-up stuff started to happen for me (and because of me) but damn, it was a good time while the ride was going on.

Anyway, same question thrown out as a few months ago. What albums or songs stir strong memories/images/feelings for you, and why?

Ponderings - Semester's End

2010-07-29T08:15:00.003-04:00

So yesterday was my final class for Storytelling. Tuesday ended Intro to IT. I am 99% certain that I got better than a 4.0 this semester, which would be a first for me. That's pretty cool. But it's bittersweet--a great many of the people I've gotten to know over the past two semesters are now gone for good; many have gotten librarian jobs very quickly, but far away from Pittsburgh. I'm happy for them, but sad for me. I would've liked to be able to spend more time with them. Damn this whole responsibilities thing. Sometimes I hate maintaining my current standard of living. Was I happier when I had less and was living in an apartment back in my 20's?

...probably, overall. It was nice to have all that free time that came with just doing school and a part-time job.

But looking backwards never did anyone any good. I have to look forward to move forward. Next step--financial survival over the next three months. This tuition crap is getting really obnoxious. It's actually to the point where I would be better off with student loans than with Pitt's staff benefit.

Right now I am looking at $680 per month for the next three months in tuition payments. And that's with Pitt's benefits. I was considering filling out my FAFSA, taking the $20,000, and running back in May/June. I could've paid my tuition bills, finished by next May instead of next July, and had enough to pay the mortgage left over. A part-time job would've covered my other expenses. Sure, I'd have been $20,000 more in debt, but I also would've had another 6-month grace period after graduation and if I'd have gone through a bank other than AES, I could've had a better chance to consolidate student loans.

Unfortunately, I decided to try and make a go of it without more debt...and now I'm not sure how I'm going to meet my bills in October. And gods forbid my car needs major work on inspection in September. I really don't know what I'm going to do at this point. So much for the wonderful benefits of working for the University of Pittsburgh. I need to come up with at least $1000, fast. Preferably $1500.

In other news, it's back to all-online classes for the Fall. One of my classes meets during the day while I am at work, and the other is on Thursdays and I suspect Ken would assassinate me if I dropped out of gaming for five months. On the up side that means more free time on weeknights, which is a *very* welcome thing. On the down side, I find I enjoy on campus classes more than online, and get more out of the classes on campus.

Three more semesters left. I can do this. Just, someone keep telling me that things are going to get better for me after I have my MLIS. I need to hear that. A lot.

That's all for now. I hope this didn't come off sounding too depressing. I am actually fairly upbeat today, save the money issues from tuition. No boss for two days at work will do that for you.

(LIS 2600) screw nature

2010-07-19T08:04:00.002-04:00

Lately it seems like my entire life is just one thing after another and I just can't catch a damn break. After shelling out $688 to get my car fixed (and being without a vehicle for two full weeks), I'd hoped I had earned a respite for awhile. But nope. Last night I went downstairs to discover the carpet in my (finished and sealed) basement was soaking wet, and there was mold on the walls.

I have thousands of dollars worth of collectible books down there, because as I said, the basement is a finished one, not a raw stone dirt floor storage basement. So how did this happen? Easy. All this goddamn rain we're having in the middle of the dry season of the year. Torrential downpours and God damned thunderstorms THAT WILL NOT STOP. I'm sick of this! There are no WORDS for how sick I am of this!

We turned on the dehumidifier, but the carpet down there is ruined. I have to get all my books out of there after work today and pray that they haven't begun to grow mold themselves. My furniture down there is all pretty well destroyed.

And the worst part? Yeah, it's supposed to rain EVERY DAY THIS WEEK. Seriously, this is just ridiculous.

Add to it that I haven't slept well in weeks. I've been having bizarre nightmares constantly, probably due to all the stress I'm under now. My neck, back, and chest hurt constantly from never getting a break. Work just keeps getting worse and worse--they just heaped MORE responsibility on my head, now. And when I try to tell them that I don't have any more to give, they tell me they're "sorry" but that I'll just have to figure it out because there's no one else.

Here's a thought: how about a few faculty members do something for themselves once in awhile?

I just want a break. I just want things to go smoothly, without major blowups or problems for awhile.

Sigh. I have two weeks until vacation, and I need it in the worst way imaginable.

(LIS2600) This Weekend - Making Children Smile

2010-07-12T09:04:00.005-04:00

I had my first Troop with the Rebel Legion this weekend. For those unaware a "troop" is essentially a sanctioned costuming appearance. We do these for charity and volunteer purposes--library fundraisers, Children's Hospital, stuff like that.

This weekend the 911th Air Wing (Air Force Reserves) in Coraopolis, PA held their annual Family Day picnic, and we did an appearance to honor the troops, which was advertised as "Meet the Characters from Star Wars." The event was nominally for the 501st Legion--an Imperial costuming group and our sister organization, but they were nice enough to invite us along. Only two of us, unfortunately, could make it, but it was nice having two Jedi along with Darth Vader and the rest of the Imps.

Besides we two Jedi and Vader, we had two stormtroopers, a biker scout, a nova trooper (from the Expanded Universe--they have black armor), and an Imperial gunner.

It was a blast. A great time for my first trooping. It was awesome getting to meet Tharren (my fellow Rebel) and his boys, and the Carida (local 501st base) folks were fantastic, friendly and welcoming to a n00b like me. It was hot as heck, but the Carida folks said it was far hotter last year. I just know by the end of the day my whole costume was about a shade darker.

The appearance was from noon to 2:00. We were all there by 11, and had an hour to get ready...and by 2:00 my calves were KILLING me from my new boots. I was so not gellin'! Part of this is because my Jedi boots are actually women's dress boots, and the heels on them are about 2 inches high--boot heels, not normal high heels, of course, but even still! I definitely need to look into some good cushioned inserts for them, preferably with good arch support.

I got to rock my custom lightsaber, which was pretty cool. And during the first hour I was the only one with an LED saber (Tharren and Jay only had their hilts with them), so I had a couple kids ask to hold it. For the second hour, after our break, Jay broke out his Force FX saber, and he and I, then he and Tharren, crossed blades a teensy bit. Nothing fancy, just a couple light bumps for photos. Sadly, Julie missed the photo op with Jay and I...but someone in Carida got it so I'm hoping to snag a copy.

I got a few pictures via Julie--the Carida folks took a bunch, and I am trying to get contact info to get in touch with them, as I'd love to get copies of their photos.

I've posted mine on facebook, though sadly Julie's camera tends to blur the edges of shots...there must be a setting adjustment we're missing on it somewhere. Last night Julie discovered a "blur reduction" setting which we will try out next time.

Highlight of the day for me: We were all taking refuge from the heat inside a C94 transport plane (at least, I think it was a C94) that was open to the public for tours, and this little kid ran up to Jay (Vader) and cried....

"ARE YOU OPTIMUS PRIME!?"

Jay didn't even miss a beat. He said, "Yes. Yes, I am."

Seriously, I remember being 6 years old when Empire Strikes Back came out, and my mom took me downtown to Kaufmann's department store, because Darth Vader was appearing there. I have NEVER forgotten meeting Darth Vader, and the looks on those kids' faces when they ran up to Jay was priceless. I'd have happily suffered months of calf pain for that. It really showed me why we do this; those kids, too, will never forget meeting Darth Vader. It was kind of like paying it forward for a memorable moment in my own childhood.

All in all, a great time. I really enjoyed myself, and I hope the Carida folks were happy with Tharren's and my decorum and behavior. I'd love to do it again.

UPDATE: Here are the photos taken by Candy, from the 501st Carida Garrison:
http://s397.photobucket.com/albums/pp57/sa3X/9-11%20Airwing/

(LIS 2600) The week

2010-07-09T11:31:00.003-04:00

It's been a frustrating week. Too many people whining and complaining about order mistakes--always on their end--and expecting me to magically fix them. If people would simply follow the department's policies none of this would be an issue to begin with. Sigh.

But that's the job, I guess. I can't wait to get out of here and move into a job that will at least be fulfilling to me on some level (read: library job, if I can find one post-graduation).

Letty gave me some thoughts about pulling off an internship in Storytelling on Wednesday. That was fantastic and I'm grateful. She thinks I CAN pull off an evening/weekend hours internship at the Carnegie Main. That would be a godsend if it's true. Fingers crossed. I'll have to talk to Dr. Alman and Leanne about it this fall.

Changed my profile picture. Instead of those two dancing dragons that you can't see when they are small, I've put up a photo of myself in one of my Jedi outfits for the Rebel Legion. It's apropos for me, I suppose.

Car is still in the shop. I'm hoping to hear something back about it today. Praying is more like it, actually. I really would like my damn car back.

This weekend is the Rebel Legion troop for the 911th Air Wing's family day. Something small and enjoyable I can do to help pay the troops back for everything they do for us, all the sacrifices they make every day. I've never trooped before, so I'm a bit nervous and hope I don't do something to dishonor the RL in some way. Wish me luck.

I guess that's about it for now.

(LIS 2600) Independence Day Weekend

2010-07-06T07:59:00.003-04:00

Well, this weekend was a cycle of ups and downs. We got off work early on Friday, which we often do the day before a holiday (one of the nice perks about this department--Dr. B is great that way). Unfortunately, when I was on my way to gaming Friday night, my car broke down. I had stopped at Co-Go's to get a gallon of diet iced tea, and when I came back out, the car wouldn't start. I had all the electrical systems at full power--lights, AC, radio, everything. Just nothing when I turned the key. Wouldn't turn over. Nothing except a very faint click.

This had happened the weekend prior, and after the car sat for a few more minutes it was fine. So I let it sit for about 15 minutes, then tried again. Nothing. At last I called my friend who was hosting the game and told him I was going to be late, explained the situation, and called AAA. The lady said "within the hour." The tow truck showed up just over an hour later. I showed the guy the problem, we got it up on the flatbed and he took it to the garage down the street with a note. I then went to gaming (which was within walking distance).

Saturday, I called the garage, but they aren't open on weekends. Then Julie and I went to my folks' place to visit, swim, and just generally relax. That was a good day. My uncle and his wife came out, as did my buddy Mike, and we just kicked back. I got to see my dad for the second time in two weeks which is a rare treat since he started working in South Carolina and usually only gets home once a month.

Sunday, Julie picked up her mom and brought her over for lunch. We had lamb skewers with veggies. Good stuff. Then we took her mom home and headed to Ken and Rya's place for their annual 4th of July get-together. We ate more, spent time with friends, watched fireworks, set off fireworks, and got home around 11 so Julie could get to bed, as she had to work yesterday.

Yesterday (Monday) was my day to get stuff done and then just recuperate. I've been running on empty far too much lately and I really need to find a way to make that stop. I'm just not sure how. I think after the summer semester is over things will calm down a bit. Classes this fall are both online so at least I'll have some more evenings free. But that's neither here nor there.

I got up, had my coffee, then did a pass on the facing cement for my stairs that I've been trying to get fixed. They're almost done, thankfully, though while the patchwork seems solid, it doesn't look anywhere near as good as a professional would do. But that's the price you pay for DiY, I guess. Anyway, then I called the garage. They were open yesterday, but told me the car started for them no problems (of course...sigh). Of course, they also didn't want to just start replacing stuff without being able to replicate the problem.

Thing is, from the way the car has been acting lately combined with some research I did on my own, I am 90% sure the issue is with my ignition switch. I told the mechanic that and explained the situation. He said his only concern was changing out the ignition switch and then having it happen again because the real problem was the starter. I said if that happened, then I'd know, but that we needed to start somewhere and since the problem is intermittent, he might not be able to get it to replicate. What I didn't tell him is that if it's the starter, that's something I can do myself--but I don't mess with automotive electronics, so I'd rather have them do the switch.

They said they would get back to me about the cost of the switch, but that it would be sometime today because they weren't able to get to it yesterday, being swamped with appointments. We'll see what happens. Fingers crossed, I get the car back today in working order. And thank God for outlasting my bad credit rating so I once again have good credit and consequently, a credit card to pay for this.

Anyway, after I talked to the garage, I got showered and spent the rest of the day watching DVDs--specifically The Stand and Neverwhere--while chatting with friends (Robin and later, Jeff) on the compooper. It was generally a nice, recuperative day save that I am still stressed about my car. When Julie got home from work we went to South Hills Village, ate dinner at the food court, then headed to Barnes & Noble and Half-Price Books. I walked out of B&N with a copy of The Complete Gospels, a text for which I've been searching for several years, now, and I walked out of Half-Price with three Edgar Rice Burroughs' Barsoom hardcovers and a 2-disc DVD collection of The Incredible Hulk Returns and The Trial of the Incredible Hulk. On the way home I read Julie the first chapter of A Princess of Mars (she likes to listen to me read aloud) and when I got home I watched Return of...Hulk then went to bed.

This morning, early morning because Julie had to dump me on the South Side at 6:30 so I could get to work--she has to drive halfway across the state today for her job (don't ask--I don't have details because it's confidential job-related stuff) so she had to be on the road early. I sat at Crazy Mocha (a local cafe) for about 45 minutes, then hiked across the bridge to work.

And here I am, hoping for (but not expecting) a quiet day.

So that was my weekend.

(LIS 2600) The Chronicles of Charlie Morning and Mr. Night - Future

2010-06-30T10:24:00.003-04:00

So thanks to Tim "I Should Never Be Allowed To Make a Movie" Burton and the lovely phenomenon of Parallel Development, volume two of my Chronicles of Charlie Morning and Mr. Night (when I get to it) will probably see Becky, Galen and friends visiting Never-Land instead of Wonderland...though my Wonderland is significantly different than Burton's vision, it still seems too close, too soon. I'll decide for sure when I start writing volume two.

In any case, just to be prepared, I found myself in need of information about the girls in the Darling family for the past, oh, six generations (given that the original Peter and Wendy novel took place sometime between 1907 and 1911--I'm going with 1911). Even that is speculative, though, as at the end of the book Barrie says that it all "took place a long time ago." However, given that the trappings of the book are Edwardian, we can assume that the narrator is speaking from a (then) future time, and that the book takes place in the period in which it was published. It's all very confusing, I know--as the Tenth Doctor says, "Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey."

But I digress.

Yes, I have given the three "new" girls have the last name "Darling." Either assume that the Pan lineage travels through the male line but he approaches girls...or just don't think too much about it. I'll work out a suitably fantastic explanation in a moment.

The original novel gives us names for the first three generations: Wendy, Jane, and Margaret. We know from the book that Jane met Peter and adventured with him. We will assume that Margaret did as well, because Peter loves those Darling girls.

Now, the name issue. Presumably, since Jane was Wendy's daughter, and Wendy was married, their last name was not Darling, which leads us to believe Margaret's would not have been, either. Let us imagine, however, that in a children's-fantasy-driven coincidence, Margaret's daughter Angela somehow re-acquired the name "Darling." Either she discovered her heritage and changed her name, or fate stepped in and she married a man with that last name--three generations down the pike would remove her far enough from questions of impropriety for that to have happened.

In any case, having names for Wendy, Jane and Margaret, and having introduced Angela in Book One, left me the relatively simple task of choosing but two names, and assigning surnames to the first three (which are not provided). I chose Kathryn and Mary as my first names. I then needed to come up with dates of birth (and death, in the first three cases) and information about where they are now and how (and if) they met Peter. Here is what I am working with at present:

1. Wendy (Darling) Peterson - Deceased (1901-1977), Natural Causes
2. Jane (Peterson) Williams - Deceased (1921 - 2000), Natural Causes
3. Margaret (Andrews) Williams - Deceased (1939 - 2004), Cancer
4. Angela (Andrews) Darling - Alive (1959 - ?), working in U.S. hospital. May have met Peter.
5. Kathryn Darling - Alive, (1980 - ?) Single mother, living in London with her daughter. Never met Peter.
6. Mary Darling - Alive (2000 - ?), living in London, never met Peter...but that will soon change.

(LIS 2600) A day of reflection

2010-06-24T10:17:00.002-04:00

It really feels like I'm running on empty this week. I've felt varying degrees of "not well" since Sunday--part of that was a mild case of sun poisoning from spending all day on Saturday helping a friend get started building a new front porch. He lost his original porch during the Blizzard of 2010. And yes, I know: how stupid of me not to wear sunscreen. But just as much of it is a combination of a mild summer cold and just plain exhaustion. Summer classes are rough--so much stuff to do, all smashed into a semester that's 6 weeks shorter than the norm. Plus my day job, where my responsibilities have (as I've already posted) trebled. Plus someone (it seems) needing help with something every damn weekend so I can't even do the things around my own house that need to be done. However, things are not as grim as they once seemed. I have fallen into a good working relationship with my new boss, who seems to appreciate the hard work I'm putting in. I am also hoping against hope that my annual review and the workbook we all just did for a consultant will yield something positive for me. We shall see about that.

In any case, today is a recovery day. I missed classes this week because of not feeling well, and today I took a sick day from work to rest, regenerate, and hopefully get over this cold while recharging my batteries. Julie has been concerned about me, which I very much appreciate. I told her I'll be okay, that I just need recuperation time, but I think she's under the impression I was mad or thought she was nagging--which isn't true. I'm lucky to have a spouse who is concerned.

I got 2500 words written in Charlie Morning and Mr. Night earlier this week. I'm hoping to do some more today, but it has been hard to get motivated to write--my mind is just flat-out tired. But I can do this. I will make it through the next year and I will graduate and get a job in a library and then, I sincerely hope and pray, I will be happy and re-energized on a semi-permanent basis. I just really need to keep a positive mindset about this. I have spent far too much time lately dwelling on the negative. While I don't think that'll change suddenly and completely, I can at least start making more of an effort.

I am looking forward to Gen Con. The week away from work in Indianapolis, kicking around the dealer's room, usually does wonders for me. I am also excited that over Labor Day weekend Julie and I are going to the Pennsylvania Renaissance Festival, which we've wanted to do for quite a few years but never had the time or money to do. And money hopefully shouldn't be as tight, now, with Pitt's new tuition payment plan.

Dad's coming home this weekend and next weekend. That's a real treat. Since he took the job in South Carolina we hardly ever get to see him (once a month if we are lucky) and I didn't get to spend time with him on Father's Day because the rest of the family went down to SC, which I had neither the money nor vacation time to do. So I'm taking him out to lunch on Saturday. Then, next weekend, he's coming home for the 4th of July. Hopefully we get a nice weekend for a change. I'm about sick of it raining every damn weekend--it'd be nice to go out to the folks' place and jump in the pool.

Guess that's all. Just some rambling thoughts for a day of recovery and reflection.

(LIS 2600) Omeka assignment

2010-06-18T08:35:00.003-04:00

Well, I completed the Omeka assignment for LIS 2600 on Wednesday, and it took me several hours to complete. This assignment left me with the conclusion that Omeka really is a pretty crappy "resource." It's ridiculously non-user-friendly, the documentation on site is confusing, scattered, and difficult to pore through, and the procedures for simply adding items to a collection have far too many goofy steps to go through. I found three different ways to add an item, each of which then required a different method to add said item to a collection. And that's if one could track down how to access or create a collection. Now, these things are not difficult to do once you work them out, but they are entirely non-intuitive, and that's poor software design.

Finally, when one looks at the public view, instead of showing only entered information, the final entry shows every single field with "none entered" if you haven't put information into a field. There also aren't nearly enough options for sorting and searching the data in a collection. What you see is what you get, and while WYSIWYG is a great method of desktop publishing and web design, it's a god awful way to manage resources--there need to be visible and obvious sorting options, such as Title, Author, Keywords, Subject, date entered, etc. Such sorting options should be handled via clickable links at the top of columns. I encountered no such flexibility in the system. This is a poor way to manage resources--particularly for a collection intended to be public and for people to use to search and browse collections.

It's possible that once one got more used to the format and procedures OMEKA would become easier, but the initial efforts left me so cold that I would be disinclined to explore it further. It's evidence that open-sourced software will always have trouble gaining a more solid foothold in the market simply because the programmers of open-source software tend to be computer geeks who don't care about average, non-expert end user functionality. Too many open source programs are designed for use by programmers, not average Janes and Joes.

(LIS 2600) Another one bites the dust

2010-06-14T08:30:00.002-04:00

I am SICK of failure. Especially when it's failure I apparently have no control over. I was up for a new job at Pitt--one that would be a step up in title and pay. One where everyone who worked there seemed like great people. I went through THREE stages of interviews, and every one felt like it went the best you can possibly hope for an interview to go. I was excited, confident, and looking forward to a position where I could just be generally content with my state.

I got the "your credentials were impressive but we are going with another candidate" form letter on Saturday.

I don't get it. I really don't. Every single question they asked, I was able to honestly answer with, "Yes, I've done that before," or "Yes, I'm doing that at my current position." Every one. The interviews were cordial and comfortable. They even asked me my salary requirements (and I didn't make any heavy demands in that area). What the Hell do I have to do to find a position where I can be just content with my state in life? I'm not asking for bliss, here. Just contentment. Is that too much?

Apparently so.

I'm starting to wonder why I even bother anymore. No matter how hard I work, no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I just fail. Time and again. I bring down everyone around me and never seem to get it right. I'm really sick of it. Why even bother anymore? Nothing is ever going to go my way. It never has, and it never will.

Sara called Julie and I on Friday to tell us that Tania, a girl we were friends with in college, was in town for the evening with a friend and wanted to meet up. So we went out for dinner and drinks with them. There I was, sitting at the table with my wife (an established mental health therapist), my sister (a project manager for a multinational computer corporation), our old friend (a marketing consultant for another multinational corporation) and Tania's friend (a business executive for a company located in Germany). And there I was, 35 years old, an administrative assistant at Pitt--pursuing a Master's degree, granted, but really, do I have much of a chance of actually finding a job in library or info science when I get out?

I even said it to Tania's friend at one point (whose name I oddly never got): "I'm the only one at this table who hasn't made good with his life."

I guess that's all for now. Time to go back to being a quiet failure instead of engaging in a futile struggle to better my station. Sorry for the tone of this blog. It is what it is, though.

(LIS 2600) Summer semester is brutal

2010-06-10T10:48:00.002-04:00

Wow...I feel like I'm constantly bombarded by information, all of which I cannot process. Two days this week I barely got to see my wife because I came home from class and said, "I have to go do homework, now," then disappeared into my office for at least an hour.

Now for 2600 we have this exam coming up Friday (well, Friday through Sunday) and it's all stuff I should know, no problem, but I'm concerned nevertheless.

So far classes are going well, I think. It's just a lot of information all at once, far more than you get in the fall or spring due to the compressed nature of the summer term, and it seems like I constantly have 4 assignments due at one time.

In my Storytelling class we're supposed to talk about our stories for performance next week. I have no idea what story I want to tell. I'm leaning towards an original story I wrote recently, but am not sure how it'll go over. It's a bit fantastical, taking place in a dark version of Wonderland. And I swear it's something I've been working on before Tim Burton came along and ruined Alice in Wonderland completely.

Other options include adapting an H.P. Lovecraft story for oral presentation. Just gotta think of a good Lovecraft tale I can relate in 7-10 minutes. I could also choose a Russian fairy tale from a book I have at home. Baba Yaga or Koschei the Deathless always make for fun times. One thing is for sure--I need to come up with something fast.

And take a test.

And help my friend Mike put up a new front porch on his house.

And somehow find time to mow my lawn which hasn't been done in 3 weeks due to rain.

And somehow find time to finish the cement work on my front stairs which should've been done months ago but I don't have time to do.

Ugh. I'm starting to wonder if I can survive graduate school.

(LIS 2600) Jing-Zotero Tutorial

2010-06-08T22:01:00.005-04:00

(For full-sized video, please click here. The video below was sized down to fit in the blogger frame.)

(LIS 2600) Here we go, here we go again

2010-06-07T19:27:00.002-04:00

Figure I may as well put something down here, if for no other reason than to keep the old grades up. But what to write? As I've said, I'm not one for blogging about my day to day doldrums. Few want to read that. It's dull, right?

Things are kind of in a holding pattern right now. Work is not as miserable as it was a few weeks ago--I'm falling into a routine with all the extra responsibilities, and that scares me more than hating it there did. Because when you go too far above and beyond at work, it becomes expected rather than above and beyond. It gets to a point where you are incapable of going above and beyond anymore, because you can barely handle the day to day. I fear that will happen at work, and when it does, what will happen to the rest of my life outside work? Home? School? All that good stuff?

I will not let that stuff slide. I swear that. Work pays the bills--it's family, friends, and school that are the really important things in life. I've never understood people who live for their jobs. I have a job so that I can live. But then, to be honest, I've never had a job about which I am truly passionate. I am hoping that an MLIS will change that.

Ah, Career, why needs must thou vex me so?

Or something.

I really need to try and get some writing done...and I don't mean blog writing. I need to dig back into The Chronicles of Charlie Morning and Mr. Night. Maybe when I'm done with this entry I will. I need to get that done so I can get it to some readers and in a month or two get down to revising so I can start shopping it to publishers. Reliquary wants it, and I'd love to have them publish it, but I really think this one deserves to be on the shelves at Borders and Barnes and Noble, and they just don't have retail distribution. I have to at least TRY to get it out there. I think it could gain a lot of popularity in the Young Adult market.

Okay, that's that. Not a huge entry, but an entry. Sorry if it's too boring. More later.

Test

2010-06-07T14:27:00.001-04:00

See? I can post!

So what about Star Trek?

2010-05-27T14:52:00.001-04:00

Topic: Star Trek would be a thousand times cooler with lightsabers.

Discuss.

(LIS 2600) Carnegie Library Funding

2010-05-26T11:41:00.003-04:00

Last year I sent a letter to city council imploring them to revisit the city's annual commitment to the Carnegie Library system in light of potential closings in several neighborhoods. This is an ongoing issue, but many of us have spoken up in regards to it and at the very least, the branches that were to close are temporarily saved. Today I received the following e-mail from councilman Bill Peduto:
---------------------------------------------
Thank you for contacting me about the Carnegie Library system. Please see the attached letter that details the commitment City Council and state leaders have made to fund the libraries. Today, Council will take a preliminary vote on legislation that will give $640,000 to the Carnegie Library to keep branches open. Mayor Ravenstahl is not in support of this legislation. (http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/news/pittsburgh/s_680649.html)

Please take a moment to contact your Council Member to ask for his or her support. (http://www.city.pittsburgh.pa.us/council/)
---------------------------------------------

Attached to the e-mail was the following letter:

---------------------------------------------
May 12, 2010

Chair and Members of the Board of Trustees
Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh
4400 Forbes Avenue
Pittsburgh, PA 15213

Dear Ms. Lazo and Members of the Board of Trustees:

As Pittsburgh City Council’s Chair of the Committee on Finance and Law, I am writing to you to clarify the history of the City of Pittsburgh’s financial commitment to the Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh. The following is a timeline of the events since October 2009 regarding the Library’s budget, proposed closings, and Council’s involvement.

- October 5, 2009 Carnegie Library Board votes to close branches.

- October 20, 2009 state leaders led by Representative Chelsa Wagner and Senator Jay Costa meet with Carnegie Library leadership to push for a plan to keep branches open for 2010.

- October 29, 2009 Council President Doug Shields, in consultation with Senator Costa and Representative Wagner, announces plans to seek a $600,000 grant for the Library from the 2009 Operating Budget and an additional $600,000 grant from the 2010 Capital Budget in order to keep the branches open.

- November 9, 2009 Mayor proposes 2010 Budget to City Council with $1,000,000 line item for Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh.

- November 23, 2009 Library leaders and elected officials meet at the Regional Enterprise Tower and agree that if City Council can pass the “Shields-Wagner-Costa Bill” no libraries will be closed in 2009/2010.

- December 1, 2009 City Council unanimously gives final approval to “Shields-Wagner-Costa Bill” providing a $600,000 grant to Carnegie Library from the 2009 Operating Budget to keep branches open.

- December 14, 2009 Library Board votes to reverse closings due to $1.2 million commitment from Pittsburgh City Council and State leader’s commitment.

- December 16, 2009 City Council amends the 2010 Budget to remove the Tuition Tax revenue from the Budget, but leaves in the $1,000,000 for the library to keep our commitment of the needed $600,000. These technical corrections are attached.

- December 21, 2009 City Council gives final approval to 2010 Budget including a $1,000,000 line item for Carnegie Library to keep our commitment of the needed $600,000.

- December 31, 2010 Mayor approves final 2010 Budget with $1,000,000 line item to Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh in the budget. Mayor does not veto or amend as would be required by law.

- January 7, 2010 SB 711 (table games) is signed by Governor Rendell including the Wagner-Costa library funding per the City Council agreement.

- January 8, 2010 City’s financial system shows $1,000,000 put into Carnegie Library line item account per 2010 Budget (Resolution 768 of 2009).

- January 22, 2010 Finance Department deletes $1,000,000 line item without Council resolution. This is not legal per City Code, as only City Council can amend the budget.

- May 7, 2010 City Council learns that the $1,000,000 line item has been deleted and pledges that the original $600,000 commitment will be met.

- May 10, 2010 Carnegie Library board chair Jacqui Fiske Lazo writes letter to the Mayor stating that the Carnegie Library understood the $1,000,000 for 2010 was only going to be granted if the Tuition tax passed. This is factually incorrect information.

- May 11, 2010 at Carnegie Library board meeting, Councilwoman Natalia Rudiak inquires about the status of the City commitment to the Carnegie Library, discrepancies within that commitment, and expectations from both entities. It is determined that $600,000 from 2009 is in the process of being transferred, but that the additional $640,000 from 2010 is outstanding.

- May 12, 2010 press reports indicate Carnegie Library 2010 budget includes the $1.24 million from the City of Pittsburgh needed to keep libraries open.

This timeline clearly outlines the past year’s events and demonstrates City Council’s unanimous and unequivocal support for the Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh. Furthermore, it clearly shows that Carnegie Library anticipated at least $1.24 million from the City of Pittsburgh for the 2010 budget and that City Council on numerous times voted to allocate at a minimum that amount. The budget passed by City Council and signed by the Mayor was done with full knowledge and support for the $600,000 commitment to the Carnegie Library out of the 2009 and 2010 budget. The budget passed was not conditioned on any other revenue sources, it was balanced, and it was done through the proper procedures. It is my intention to honor City Council’s commitment and to continue to work with the Carnegie Library on both short and long term financial solutions.

Please contact my office to schedule a meeting between yourself, President Barbara Mistick, Council Budget Director Bill Urbanic, and myself if you should need any further information. I hope this letter clarifies the City’s commitment to our libraries.

Sincerely,

William Peduto

Cc: President and All Members, Pittsburgh City Council
Barbara Mistick, President, Carnegie Library

------------------------------------------

I replied to Mr. Peduto with the following e-mail:
------------------------------------------
Mr. Peduto,

Thanks for sending this along. It is my feeling that Mayor Ravenstahl has betrayed every shred of promise he had to revitalize Pittsburgh and has demonstrated himself to be nothing more than a slave to "Business as Usual" Harrisburg politics, with his ridiculous proposals of taxes on college students and sugary drinks and his clear lack of concern for the normal working people of this town. This letter's timeline, with its illustration of the surreptitious and illegal deletion of the $1,000,000 line item for library support, is only further example of his corrupt and shady practices. His attitudes and programs, if allowed to succeed, will accomplish nothing but urban decay as young people come here to study in our excellent University systems, and then leave for greener pastures rather than remaining to grow Pittsburgh to its true potential as a leader amongst U.S. cities. Indeed, I find myself wondering if the illegal deletion of the million dollar funding is cause for impeachment of the mayor, who has more than once overstepped his bounds and powers in clear disregard for the rest of the city's governing body.

I have been sorely disappointed in Mayor Ravenstahl, as a one-time supporter of his, and feel nothing short of betrayed by his "let them eat cake" attitude towards the people of this city. It is my sincere hope that city council can unite to keep him in check and push this legislation through. Mayor Ravenstahl does not comprehend (and as essentially a kid can't be expected to comprehend) the severe impact that losing our Public Library systems will have on local communities. I can only hope that next election someone will publicly call him on his efforts to implement unfair and ridiculous taxes on the community and his legacy as a lapdog of Ed Rendell's Harrisburg machine.

Yes, the Carnegie system has been mismanaged and this is something that needs to be corrected. However, letting it spiral into closure is not the answer, and as I'm sure you'll agree if you look back over the history of the agreement between the city and the library system, even $640,000 isn't quite enough to cover the city's commitment when inflation is accounted for. However, it's certainly a huge step in the right direction and must succeed.

Thank you again for taking the time to send this letter to us.
--------------------------------------------------

I should clarify that I am not some nut-job Democrat-hating right winger. Indeed, I am neither Republican nor Democrat. My dislike for the PA political democrat machine has nothing to do with Democrat ideals--it has everything to do with corrupt Harrisburg politics. I think Ed Rendell is one of the biggest criminals ever to sit in the governor's chair, and I think Dan Onorato and Luke Ravenstahl are nothing but lapdogs to Uncle Eddie's policies. But the illegal deletion of a million dollar line item to support local libraries after it was previously signed and approved is nothing short of appalling. There are no words for how horrific Ravenstahl's disregard for the people of this city has become, and this guy has to be stopped. So I call upon the people of this city to protest, write letters, file court cases against him if you can--do anything you can (within the law, of course) to ensure that Luke Ravenstahl is properly censured and leashed until we can get the Boy King out of office once and for all. If he was in any way directly involved with this line item deletion, I can't believe he cannot be impeached for it. And if he can be...he should be.

(LIS 2600) Feeling in flux

2010-05-25T09:51:00.002-04:00

We're supposed to post at least two blogs per week. The problem I have is I often don't feel like I have anything worth reporting that often!

I feel sort of like my life is in flux right now. Everything is up in the air for a variety of reasons. Hopefully a good bit of that will be resolved sometime this week, and for the good. I don't want to drop any details right now lest I jinx it, but rest assured I'll post here if it comes to pass. And if anyone has any good vibes to send my way, please do. I really need them at this point.

Hard to believe I'm coming up on the halfway point in my graduate program. Even harder to believe that if I'd done full time I could be actually finishing this semester (or at least, in the fall). There are no words for how badly I wish I could do that. The only time I feel like I'm accomplishing something worthwhile these days is when I'm in class. Lord knows it's not at the immensely unsatisfying day job. But I'll get there. I just have to keep my spirits high and push forward. Onward and upward, sally forth, all that good stuff.

It's not easy being thirty-five and feeling like you haven't yet started a career. I fell into being an administrative assistant back in 2000, and have been stuck as such ever since. I expect a lot of admins have similar stories--few people would actually choose this as a career. You do it because you can, and because it pays the bills. But it's not what you would call a fulfilling job--essentially administrative assistants do whatever those in charge don't feel like doing themselves. And unfortunately, those in charge generally don't understand that, so they expect you to devote your life to being an assistant, even while you are at home, on vacation, sick, wherever. Even when you're not at work, you're supposed to (in their minds) be in work mode. I can't fly that way for a job that exists only for me to make ends meet.

So I pray very hard, every day, that when all is said and done and I walk out of Pitt with Master's degree in hand (and can actually sign documents, "Jason Vey, MLIS") that there is some sort of at least mildly fulfilling career out there waiting for me. I'd give just about anything for that. A job that I don't mind thinking about occasionally when I'm not there. A job that is rewarding and fulfilling on some level, because I chose it rather than falling into it.

Maybe I'm just a dreamer. Who knows? But there you have it.

(LIS 2600) Feeling strangely disconnected

2010-05-19T08:49:00.002-04:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about my connection to the gaming industry. It seems over the past couple of years I've been really out of the loop. I feel disconnected, even from the games I love like Castles & Crusades. Eden Studios has been off the map for awhile. I talk to George regularly, but there haven't been any major developments. I'm not sure why, exactly--it's his company, his business, and he knows I'm there for development the minute he's ready to ramp up again. George and Eden have always been very good to me, and I feel a sense of loyalty to them which I suspect will extend even past the (hopeful) day when I'm publishing bestselling novels.

I rarely go over to the Troll Lord website these days. There's a modest "bummed out" feeling towards that due to the several years' worth of delays on my pulp game, but TLG are great guys and I dearly love C&C.

It seems since Dungeons & Dragons 4th ed came out I've fallen away from the industry. It's no secret I'm not a fan of that game; I've also been pretty open about my displeasure that they canceled the Star Wars license. I left posting on RPG.Net because the posters there are just too hostile and argumentative towards anyone who holds a dissenting opinion. If you refuse to argue, you're accused of trying to start arguments or being aggressive (or defensive, take your pick). I guess the glut of hostility finally outweighed the usefulness of the site for me. But it was a central hub for the gaming industry so I find myself at a loss for news and updates without it. Maybe I'll try lurking there for awhile just to keep up on trends and rumors.

Even bigger, however, has been the combination of grad school and my job. These two things take up a ridiculous amount of time. I used to have a very laid-back job that allowed me time to balance school and life. That's changed. My current job (with the new boss) has been some new responsibility laid on my head every day. That I have time to type this blog is incredible, and it's being done in 2 minute spats over several hours. Should I be doing it at work at all? Probably not, but who out there can honestly claim they get no down time at work, ever, and don't use that down time to look at a message board or otherwise surf the web?

It's not even a busy time, here. I dread the day when all of my responsibilities kick up at the same time and there flat-out aren't enough hours in the day to do them all. I'm literally doing 4 full-time jobs on my own right now. Given that, my time outside of work is pretty much taken up by school these days. Tuesday and Wednesday nights I have class, and spend a lot of time doing homework outside of those days, aside from a couple days a week when I have scheduled (yes, scheduled) social time to keep me sane.

I haven't been able to get any real writing done in forever, it seems. My new hobbies (Star Wars costuming and lightsaber building) are expensive and time consuming--they may not last as a result, even though I really love doing them both and the communities are full of very cool people.

So what this all comes down to is, I need to find a way to reconnect. I miss the d20 boom of the early 2000's, when it seemed the gaming industry was up for a new golden age. Too bad it crashed so hard, so fast. I'm enjoying being involved with the old-school gaming community, but let's face it--the pulse there is entirely different than the pulse in the current game publishing industry and nobody there (yet) has the funds to really make any kind of waves. When I go to the FLGS these days, I find that while lots of new stuff seems to be on the shelf, very little of it is remotely of interest to me. I've come to that point where even if a book looks good, I realize I'll probably never play the game so I don't bother with it.

Oh, gods, I've grown up. That sucks and it needs to stop. It's high time, as I posted on my facebook status a few weeks back, that I start making sure my inner child lets my outer adult pay bills...and that's it.

I haven't even touched on music. Long story short: same deal. Artists I used to follow religiously are now all but off my radar. That's because all the good record stores are gone in the wake of iTunes. It saddens me that in the future young music fans will never know the thrill in getting your hands on an import or bootleg of your favorite band or film--because it's all there at the click of a button for download, now (even if not entirely legally). In some ways the Internet's ability to make things so much faster and easier has ruined the joy of them. The thrill of the quest is gone in the wake of instant gratification. I worry about the day (and it's coming, mark my words) when nobody has to leave their house.

Anyway, yeah, movies, gaming, music, comics, all those hobbies I had that I dearly loved...I've just lost my connection to the communities. I need to find some time, drive and passion to get back, somehow. School, at least, is temporary. It'll last another year and I'll be done there. I need to have my bills paid down by then so I can start plugging away at the student loans, for which I used up my grace period long ago. Things are on the horizon--good things, I hope. I can feel it, but sometimes it seems the horizon never gets any closer. Other times it seems too close for comfort. All I can do is wait till I get there and keep looking for ways to reconnect until then.

Guess that's all. A bit disjointed but yeah, 2 hours in spurts of a few sentences at a time and a lot of thoughts to put down. Hope it makes a modicum of sense. Until next time.

LIS: 2600 Postings

2010-05-18T14:41:00.001-04:00

I am also going to be using my blog this semester to fulfill the requirements of my LIS 2600 (Information Technology) course. Postings will continue as normal (but may be more frequent), though many will be marked "LIS 2600" to denote postings for that class.

It's better than creating a FOURTH blog, right?

Bucket List

2010-05-18T12:46:00.002-04:00

Everyone should have one, so I figured what better place to start mine? This will undoubtedly grow as things come up, but let's get started, shall we?

Drive across the United States, visiting cheesy Roadside Attractions--the real Americana.
Visit the British Isles - Great Britain, Scotland, Ireland, and Wales
Visit Italy - see Rome, Pompeii, Venice
Visit Hungary and Romania - see Dracula's castle and Elizabeth Bathory's castle.
Visit Egypt - see the pyramids
See the Hagia Sophia in Istanbul (not Constantinople!)
Publish a bestseller, preferably several

More to come, I'm sure, but that's off the top of my head right now.

I'm tired.

2010-05-12T11:31:00.002-04:00

I'd like to go home, crawl under the covers, and just sleep forever. Partially it's this ridiculous weather. Partially it's that I'm still sick (though so far better than yesterday). Partially it's that I'm sick...of my job.

Mostly it's just that at this point in time, right now, life is just too much.

I'll live; I always do. But there's just too much on my head right now, and all the prioritizing in the world won't fix that.

This morning, my car broke down in the parking garage at work. It's likely either the battery or the starter. I dearly hope it's the battery. And I dearly hope it works at least till I get home after class tonight. Needs to last me a few more back-and-forths before then.

God willing, this is the bottom of the barrel and I can get a break after this. I really need things to start looking up for me, and soon.

State of the Union

2010-05-11T09:04:00.002-04:00

Been a bit since I posted anything substantial here. I'm not sure how substantial this one will be, either, but it'll be something.

Lots going on. Too much, you might say. Julie and I don't get to see much of each other these days between her long hours at work and my class schedule. Classes start again tonight for the summer term. I will have class Tuesday and Wednesday night. Gaming Thursday, every other Friday, and Sunday. That pretty much leaves me Monday and Saturday open to accomplish everything I don't get done the rest of the week. I may have to shift one of my classes to online. We'll see. It's going to be a marathon until the end of July, otherwise. I've considered dropping one of the three gaming groups, but the problem is there are people in each group that I only see during gaming.

I was out sick last week for two days. Now I'm sitting at work feeling sick. Sinuses draining, mostly. Sore throat, icky feeling in the back of my head, upset stomach from the drainage. I think my body is just worn out. And work itself is turning into a marathon. Since our new administrator came in, I've been handed new responsibilities out the wazoo, and it's getting to the point where there aren't enough hours in the day. Problem is, they won't let him hire another person. So I'm doing a $60k/yr job (according to Sara, who knows what she's talking about) for 32. Welcome to 2010.

Tuition is kicking my ass. Back in 2006, the Bush administration passed a 37 or 40% (I forget the exact figure, but it's huge) tax on tuition benefits you get through work that go above $5,000 in a year. Pitt, of course, passes this tax directly onto us, which nearly doubled my tuition payments for the summer term (because the tax is on the total benefits, not on what you pay after the benefits). I had no idea this tax existed until I got my bill. Yay for the idea of taxing the very people who can't afford it.

Anyway, the last payment will be due next month, so I'll be out of the woods till next year on that one. It's honestly kinda ridiculous that I have to pay at all; it doesn't cost Pitt a dime to let their staff take classes, really. But it is what it is, and nothing can be done to change it. Still better than racking up tens of thousands more in student loans.

God, I hope there's a good job waiting for me at the end of the tunnel. I'm almost halfway there. July 24 marks the halfway point to my MLIS degree. I am currently carrying a 3.813 cumulative GPA. This semester's GPA was 3.875. I'm gradually stepping it up. First semester was 3.75. Let's see if I can pull 4.0 this semester.

I feel like my house is falling apart around me. I need to get up and clean my gutters, but it keeps raining so I can't do that, which leads to more water pooling around the side of my house, which increases the need to clean the gutters. I keep patching concrete all over the side of my front patio and stairs in a desperate attempt to shore them up so I don't have to come up with several grand (at least) to build a whole new porch. But it seems like every time I patch something, I notice a new crack somewhere else. I'm starting to think renting was better.

No new news on Broken Gods yet. I'm hoping it will see print before the end of the summer. While I don't think it's my best work, I do think it's my best hope at this point. I'll keep you posted, obviously.

So that's about it. Life is a marathon right now, and I'm trying to run it without having trained in advance. Too much stress and frustration, not enough leisure. At least I'm enjoying school.

Funny thing: If you'd told my 16-year-old self I'd one day be saying, "I'm enjoying school," that angry, long-haired metalhead kid would've told you you were nuts. Funny how things change as you grow up.

But I still dig Iron Maiden.

A-hole Asian Spammers

2010-04-26T10:16:00.000-04:00

I am SICK TO DEATH of these asshole Asian spammers leaving "comments" to my blogs in an unidentifiable (because I am unfamiliar with the alphabets) Asian language--Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese--something...and every damn one links to a site that is half-finished in the same language (I presume) and is probably littered with spyware and virii. Seriously, what the Hell is the point??

Ugh. I hate bots and the people who create them. They should all be strung up by their toenails.

Anyone else have this shit go on, on their blogs? Happens on all three of mine and I'm about sick of having to constantly monitor comments to make sure someone's not trying to redirect my readers to spy/ad/malware sites.

Clash of the Titans - 2010

2010-04-23T15:03:00.004-04:00

Julie and I went to see this yesterday. When we went to buy our tickets, we discovered we'd gotten tix to a 3-D presentation. Cool--I hadn't yet seen a modern 3-D flick.

Before we went in, Julie said, "I heard mixed things about this."

I replied, "It has giant. fucking. scorpions. 'nuff said."

And it's true--Clash of the Titans is this:
1. Giant fucking scorpions
2. Medusa
3. Djinn
4. The Kraken

Don't even go looking for a really good story. The original had a WAY better story. Just go for a 2.5-hour roller coaster ride, steeped in hardcore Atheism with a glimmer of agnostic hope at the end...and enjoy the cameo from the original Bubo, even if it is a bit (inadvertantly, I suspect) insulting to Ray Harryhausen in its implementation.

It pissed all over Greek mythology even worse than the original, the "Gods vs. Man" story was WAY too epic for Greek myth (and muddy, to boot), Kalibos is completely lame in this, and the 3-D was "meh" at best...but God damn if it wasn't fun to watch.

I feel bad for Ralph Fiennes. That poor bastard is going to be stuck playing Voldemort for the rest of his life. I'm not kidding, either--Hades is Voldemort with a nose. He even appears and disappears in that cloud of black Death-Eater smoke. And he seems to have a similar, "I can't kill you" vibe with Perseus that Lord V does with Harry. But hey, he pulls it off well, so good on him, I guess.

Liam Neeson is awesome as Zeus, who at times does a great Odin impersonation (yes, yes, I know...the two aren't all that dissimilar to begin with). But then, he's awesome in everything.

Perseus is very 2-dimensional. He's a testosterone-ridden hero along the lines of John Carter of Mars. He has muscles, he can naturally fight because he's a demigod, and he's pretty much there to scream about how he chooses to be a man rather than a god. But he does kick ass. And take names.

Pegasus feels way too tacked on, as does Perseus' magical sword. There is no helmet or shield (well, he does get the shield eventually, and it's the only item that has a good, solid back story that fits the flick). Bubo, as I said, gets a cool cameo that is accidentally (I hope) insulting to Harryhausen's legacy.

Oh, and as a pet peeve of mine: it's not the Pegasus, referring to a species of animal. Pegasus is his name. The animals are just winged horses. But call me crazy--I dug making him black. Looked cool.

Speaking of looking cool, Medusa looks pretty awesome, as do the scorpions. The djinn, a random insert from Persian mythology, manage to fill their screen time nicely and are pretty cool inclusions, even if they do come out of left field. Perseus's adventuring party all have personalities and faces, now, which is one way it's better than the original flick. When people get killed, you feel it a bit more.

Io (a new character and Perseus' love interest in this one) and Andromeda are both ragingly hot. They chew up scenery very nicely. There aren't enough Greek Gods. You get Zeus and Hades, and cameos by Poseidon and Apollo, with a few other gods scattered around not speaking in the background. Bummer on that one.

Now, as to the 3D. It was very, VERY cool when it worked. But it was clearly an afterthought--this flick wasn't designed as a 3D movie. So it isn't really worth the extra cash to see it in 3D. The thing is, there were places that didn't need to be in 3D which were (the end credits? Really?) and places (like EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF EVERY FIGHT SCENE) that should've been 3D and weren't necessarily (some fight scenes were partially 3D, some weren't).

However, the Kraken rising up out of the water is in 3D and that is pretty damn cool.

The only thing that kept sticking in my craw was the HUGE conceptual story of mankind not needing the gods and deliberately snubbing them, while Hades secretly plots to create Hell on Earth and overthrow Zeus. It was too Atheist and Christian in theme, though they interjected a bit of Agnostic hope at the very end. Greek gods are petty. Their schemes with mortals tend to be small and personal. Greek epics are HUGE stories, but generally start with some god or another getting jealous or pissed off over a minor affront. It was better to see Perseus get screwed because Hera was jealous of Zeus's affair, and because Andromeda's mother idiotically said she was prettier than Thetis. This whole bit about "The gods need our love and prayers, and we don't need them, and we'll prove it" is way too BIG for Greek myth.

It did, however, make for a whomping good fun roller coaster ride.

As with many of Hollywood's blockbusters these days, just a tiny bit of tweaking to the script (or a tiny bit less--who is to say without seeing early drafts?) would've made this a really great movie. As it stands, it's a lot of fun as a popcorn flick. I give it 3 out of 5 stars.

Well, here I am again

2010-04-19T08:14:00.002-04:00

Happy Monday. I'm back at this miserable-ass torturous job which wasn't so miserable-ass or torturous before mid-late March when my new boss got really kicking in his position. I wasn't particularly HAPPY here before then, but I wasn't miserable, either. We'd just gotten through a rough patch with a grant renewal and that was stressful, but the stress levels were coming way down and things were starting to look good again.

Then he came in.

Have you ever been at a job and you can just feel it going sour? And you know there's nothing you can do to stop it? This guy comes in with an "I want to fix EVERYTHING" attitude, combined with an attitude that he doesn't feel he should have to do most of the things in his own job description, so he's going to "shift responsibilities onto other people."

Other people being me.

His favorite phrase since he started has been, "I'd really like to get you more involved with [insert project here]." He also likes to tell us how sorry he feels for...pretty much everyone here except those of us who work for him.

I took a half day Friday for vacation time. I was wearing slacks instead of my customary jeans in the morning, and he came in and began interrogating me about it. "I forget, what did you say you were doing this afternoon again?"

I didn't. I shouldn't have to justify what I do with my own vacation time.

Not to mention, whether it was true or not, did he really think I was going to tell him, "Oh, I'm going on a job interview?" That would be pretty stupid. I told him I was just out of clean jeans...which was not a lie, incidentally. I'm wearing khaki's today. Can't wait to see if he badgers me about that, too.

I know, I know, "feel lucky you have a job" and blah, blah, blah. If that's all you've got to say about this, don't say anything.

I dunno, folks. Seems I've had piss-poor luck at my last two jobs, and leaving CIDDE back in October seems like the biggest mistake I've ever made. I've gotta get out of here soon, and find another way to fund school. I ain't making it here till next July when I finish my MLIS.

Jabberwocky--in Plain English

2010-03-23T15:54:00.000-04:00

It was four o’ clock in the afternoon, and the lithe, slimy creatures that looked a strange combination of badger, lizard and corkscrew did run in circles, scratch themselves, and dig holes in a grass plot surrounding a sundial. The thin, shabby-looking birds were miserable and flimsy, and the green pigs, far from home, made a noise between bellowing and whistling, with a kind of sneeze in the middle.

“Beware the jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the desperate, passion-locked bird, and shun the fuming, furious bandersnatch!”

He took his vorpal sword in hand. Long time, the fearsome, manly and buxom foe he sought. So rested he by the Tum-Tum tree, and stood awhile in thought.

And as he stood in a state of mind when the voice is gruffish, the manner roughish, and the temper huffish, the Jabberwock, its eyes aflame, came whifffling through the thick, dense and dark wood, uttering ejaculations that were an horrific mix of a bleat, murmur, and warble.

One, two! One, two! Through and through, the vorpal blade went, “snicker-snack!”

He left it dead, and with its head, he triumphantly returned in a motion that was sort of between trot and gallop.

“And hast thou slain the jabberwock? Come to my arms, my radiantly beaming boy! Oh fair, fabulous, joyous day! Callough! Callay!” He chuckled and snorted in his joy.

It was four o’ clock in the afternoon, and the lithe, slimy creatures that looked a strange combination of badger, lizard and corkscrew did run in circles, scratch themselves, and dig holes in a grass plot surrounding a sundial. The thin, shabby-looking birds were miserable and flimsy, and the green pigs, far from home, made a noise between bellowing and whistling, with a kind of sneeze in the middle.

Broken Gods progress

2010-03-23T14:02:00.002-04:00

The fine fellows at Reliquary Press have informed me that Broken Gods is being edited as we speak. Presuming there are no major rewrites or revisions to be done, that means within a couple weeks it should be in layout. I have begun discussing cover designs with them. At the moment I am in favor of a closeup of Sabrina, looking all intense and grim, with a silver ankh hanging in front of her, or somehow superimposed.

Failing that, I think perhaps a sinister representation of Jack with his Book of Thoth.

Anyway, things are progressing. If it by some miracle makes it out before Gen Con I will now be bummed not to have a spot in Author's Alley. There's always next year, though. It may be time to consider a new website--or at least, domain name. At the same time, though, that might be a bit premature. Perhaps a re-branding of the blog (or a new blog) for starters might be more in line with what I need to do.

I'll definitely need to start working on promotion, big time. If anyone has any ideas about how to go about that for a new author, please feel free to comment. Yes, the publisher will market for you, but you have to be your own promoter as well--this much I have learned.

I am loathe to turn to Twitter, but if it's a good resource for promotion and marketing, I'll do so.

Anyway, things are moving forward. Keep your fingers crossed, wish me well, and by all means spread the word! The more people who know about this, the more people will buy it when it hits the virtual stands on Amazon.

Thanks, and stay tuned!

Iron Maiden and Memories of Brighter Days

2010-03-12T12:41:00.005-05:00

It's strange how our senses define our perceptions. That seems like a statement of the obvious: senses defining perception, but it's not. I'm saying it's odd how our five senses--sight, smell, hearing, touch, taste--really define the way we think about the world and the choices we make in our lives, the memories we have. We take it for granted all too often, I think. Perception determines reality, but senses determine perception.

Or something like that.

I was driving home from work yesterday, and it was an absolutely beautiful afternoon--sunny, in the 60's, the kind of day where you just put your windows down and drive. Of course, you need driving music to do that. Everyone's got their own definition of "driving music," and for me it's Iron Maiden's seventh studio album, Seventh Son of a Seventh Son. I put it on yesterday without even thinking about it, and suddenly found myself wondering why I always go to that album. It hit me: it stirs a certain feeling in me when I listen to it under the right weather conditions. A feeling in my gut, and of my heart beating just a bit faster in my chest.

A feeling I had back in eighth, ninth and tenth grade when the entire world was at my feet and my whole life was ahead of me.

I don't mean to sound depressive--I'm not saying everything sucks right now. Though I'm not exactly happy with my current state, things could be far, far worse. No, that's not the point. Nor do I mean to approach this in a "grass is greener" way. Things were not all roses back then, either. Indeed, in many ways my tenth grade year was the worst year of my life. I was starting to lose focus in school, lost a lot of friends for no good reason, I could go on and on. But that's a story for another blog.

What I want to talk about is the way that album makes me feel when I listen to it under the right circumstances. There's a reason it's my favorite album. I always, when I put on that album during a nice, spring day, recall a specific incident in my youth, when I was walking through the streets of Mt. Lebanon with Darren Straw and Scott Boyles. The weather was perfect, and we were walking to a used record store called Mook's in Dormont,which is no longer there. Mook's was a great place because they sold imports and *gasp* bootlegs! These days kids don't even know what it's like to walk into a used record store, video store, comic store, whatever, and be able to buy a bootleg. Now they just download that shit. I'm here to tell you, kids: I've done the download thing, and the feeling just ain't the same.

Back then I was a total long-haired metalhead. I had on my denim jacket with Iron Maiden (seventh son, of course) back patch, my hair went down to the middle of my back, and I was wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Can you guess who my favorite band has been since I was about 12? I didn't give two shits what the world thought about me. That last part, at least, hasn't changed a whole lot. I still don't care what people think of me as a general rule.

There was absolutely nothing special about that day. Nothing major happened to make it stand out. There were no life-altering or even really memorable events that took place. It was just another day, after school. Three friends walking to a local record store, then maybe to Subway for food after. I don't even remember if it was spring or early fall--the weather spoke to either or both. Absolutely nothing particularly stand out about it--just a nice spring (or fall) day.

But if you've seen the extended version of Return of the King, you'll recall a specific scene wherein Boromir has just won back Osgiliath for Gondor. He hands Faramir a foaming tankard of ale and says, "Remember today, little brother, for today life is good."

That's the feeling I had that day. The entire world was open to us and rife with possibility. Nothing was out of our grasp, and we didn't really care if it was. It seems when I was a kid I had that feeling a lot, and these days it comes rarer and rarer, as it tends to when you're an adult facing reality every day. Indeed, there are things that happen in stark contrast to that. Darren died in the mid-90's after a 4-wheeler flipped over on him. I have no idea whatever happened to Scotty. We just kind of lost touch after I moved to Canonsburg at the age of 17. He was a good guy, though--hope he's out there and happy somewhere.

But on certain days, when the weather is just right, the breeze just perfect, the sky the right shade of blue, and the proper scent in the air (anyone who has actually taken the time to stop, close their eyes, and pay attention to the world around them knows what I mean), and I put on that album and just go, I get that feeling again. It sweeps me back, a warm and comforting ghost of my past. It's like getting a shot of adrenaline, better than any energy drink because it hits my spirit and mind as well as my body.

And all seems right with the world.

People wonder what it is we see in metal music? Well, that's what Iron Maiden does for me.

How about you? What song, album, image, even smell does it for you? Share!

The Fate of Ahsoka Tano

2010-02-26T11:35:00.004-05:00

A little Star Wars fan fic I whipped up. It's not edited, so forgive any typos or grammatical errors. And yes, I realize it'll probably be proven false by the time the Clone Wars cartoon series ends. I still kind of like it.

* * *

What have I done? Vader thought for the thousandth time in the past six hours. He looked around the chamber at the bodies of over two dozen younglings--younglings he had slain with his own hand. Padawans. Children!

And yet...there was no denying the power that now coursed through him. And what were these children next to his own? Next to his wife? She was all that mattered, now. These children here were nothing but potential threats to the new order. Vader understood, but deep down that nagging voice still tugged at him: what have I done?

The room was silent. Everything stood still. He could smell the burning of the temple and resolved that whatever else happened, he would not let this monument fall. The Jedi within must die, this much was true, but their legacy, their records, their temple...that must stand. It must stand because it was his, now. All those records they wouldn't let him access. Those secrets in the archives. All his, now.

The moments of silence ended. In the distance he could hear lightsabers and blaster fire. There was still work to be done here.

That was when he felt it--the presence. One of perhaps two or three presences he'd prayed not to feel.

Please let me be wrong, he thought. Not her. Not her.

Then the voice found its way to his ears. The musical, mischievous voice that never seemed to age, even after several years apart.

"Sky Guy?"

His shoulders slumped. "Hello, Ahsoka."

"What's going on? The clones--attacking the temple. Did they....oh, Goddess. These padawans were killed with lightsabers. Did you...you couldn't have!"

"You should leave, now, Ahsoka."

"Master Anakin, you know I can't do that."

"That name no longer has any meaning for me. And I'm giving you one last chance, because you were my padawan. Turn around and walk out that door. Don't make me kill you."

"You're the Sith lord!" Her lightsaber hissed into existence.

Anakin smirked as the rage burned away the fear he'd lived with for so long. He felt liberated at last. He turned, slowly, to face Ahsoka and she gasped at the sight of his yellow eyes. "Some day, doubtless," he said. "For now I serve my master. This is your last chance, young one. Leave this room, now, and find your way alone, if you can."

"Who are you?" she squeaked, "and what have you done with my master?"

"Anakin Skywalker is dead." He ignited his own saber. "I am Darth Vader."

Ahsoka swallowed, hard, and felt a churning in her gut that was unfamiliar yet intimate at the same time. For the first time in her life, Ahsoka Tano felt true fear. But she swallowed again, forcing it into a ball in the pit of her stomach, and set herself against the man who had taught her everything she knew. He had been a brother to her, a hero, a role model. He was everything Ahsoka wanted to be. And now, he stood before her, cold and dead, a threat to everything she held dear.

They began to circle one another, blades held at the ready, each looking for an opening. Vader's face twisted in rage; he boiled up all of the hatred he could muster to overcome any lingering feelings of tenderness he might have for this whelp. Her face was passive, but he knew her better than that; he saw the minute muscle twitches at the corners of her mouth and eyes.

"Angry, are you, my old padawan?"

"I do what I have to do," she said. "Nothing more."

"You lie!" he taunted. "I can feel your rage...your hate. I can feel your fear. Go ahead, Ahsoka. Use them. Let them flow, feel what I do. You'll see. We can still walk out of here--together. We can put down my master and we can put an end to this. Can't you feel it? The cold power, burning inside you. Give into that. Come with me."

Her eyes narrowed. "Never."

He smiled, and there was a hint of genuine affection there. "I trained you well," he said. "Too bad."

He lunged with blinding speed; Ahsoka dodged left, bringing her blade across her body, and just managed to deflect the blow. She hit the ground, rolled, and kipped to her feet, then went high, arcing over him and coming down in a graceful roll behind. She stabbed upwards, but by the time her saber finished its arc, Vader was no longer there.

Ahsoka's instincts kicked in even before she sensed the attack, and she arced her blade behind her, catching his overhand stroke that would've cut her in two. She spun, her saber locked to his, and threw her foot out, adding to the power of the kick with a wave of Force energy. Vader's chin snapped back and he staggered; Ahsoka pressed the attack, throwing a roundhouse kick followed by a side kick, then a sideways sweep of her lightsaber.

But Vader weathered the attacks, and threw his hand forth before her saber made contact; Ahsoka flew backwards and smashed into the wall with a grunt.

The man who had been Anakin Skywalker stalked forward, mute anger pasted across his face. Ahsoka pulled herself to her feet, and found herself lifted higher and higher as Vader stretched his hand forth and levitated his pupil all the way to the ceiling. Her throat closed up as though a vice locked around her neck.

Vader sneered. "Two can play at that game," he said, and smashed her to the floor. She felt ribs crack when she hit, and coughed up blood. She pulled herself to her knees, where she sobbed, waiting for the end.

"No," Vader said. "Not like this. Pick up your saber, little one. Die like a Jedi, not a dog."

She looked up at him, and for just a moment, her face was twisted with rage to match his own. The Dark Side swelled within her, and Vader thought he'd won.

But then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and the anger vanished. She stretched out her hand and her saber slid across the floor, then leapt to her grasp. She stood on unsteady legs, grimacing from pain, but all that came from her was peace.

"So be it," she said, and assumed a ready stance. "Let's finish this, Darth."

Vader nodded, and felt a swell of pride within him. If he'd done anything right in his miserable life, at least there was this.

The battle was joined again, sabers flashing and hissing, in a blinding display of swordsmanship. Anakin had taught the girl everything he knew, and her raw display of skill almost matched his own.

But almost isn't perfect.

Ahsoka pressed the attack, aware that her only hope rested in not being on the defensive. She had a chance to end this, here and now, to stop the Sith. She had failed enough times in her life; she would not fail here.

But he was so good! She came with an overhand chop, followed by a cross-slash in which she switched from the traditional overhand Ataru style Anakin had taught her back to her instinctive underhand Shien style.

Vader fell back for an instant; he had always had difficulty defending against Shien. Ahsoka pressed the attack, her Togrutan predatory instincts driving her on. She spun and brought her blade low. Vader tried to block the strike, but missed; only his honed reflexes saved him from an impaling blow. He dodged right and winced as her saber swept a neat burn across his rib cage.

Ahsoka lunged after him, all too late realizing she'd been set up. His free hand came down and locked on her wrist, while the other swept his saber in a counterclockwise motion that severed her hand at the wrist. She screamed and dropped to her knee as her saber skittered across the floor, yet still she refused to surrender. The young Jedi dropped into a roll, out of Vader's reach, and called her saber back to her remaining hand.

She was one instant too late; she didn't even feel pain as his saber plunged clean through her back, penetrating just beneath her heart. She gurgled once, then gasped, and managed to whisper, "I loved you, Master Anakin."

"You were like a daughter to me, Snips," he admitted. "And I'm sorry. But you died well, even in your failure."

Then he wrenched his saber up just two inches. Ahsoka gave one final gasp, and went limp. She fell in a heap as Vader extinguished his lightsaber and strode from the room.

Outside, he found a squad of clones approaching. "Lord Vader," one said. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," he muttered. "We have work to do. Let's finish this, and then I want every last fire extinguished. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir! Right away, sir!"

Vader watched the clones run at his order, and washed away the last of his doubts.

I do not simply serve the Dark Side, he thought. I am the Dark Side.

Been awhile

2010-02-22T09:47:00.003-05:00

You know, I've never been very good at keeping journals. I always get lax and lazy and/or forget to update. Seems this one has also fallen by the way of late. So I should put something here.

Life has been hectic lately. Or at least, that's how it feels. More likely I'm just suffering from acute lack of motivation--what feels like I don't have any time to do anything is really the result of poor time management, laziness, and a lack of drive. Winter is part of it--I always get in the doldrums in the winter--and dissatisfaction with my day job is another part, but that's just something I need to live with until something better comes along, simple as that. I think I may be generally overly scheduled at this point in my life, too. But you'll have that. School makes for a crowded life, and it just is what it is.

My current obsession, as some of my Noble Readers may have noted, is Star Wars costuming. I've been accepted into the Rebel Legion for one of my costumes, which to me is an honor; the RL has very strict standards. You need to look like you jumped right out of a Star Wars movie to get in. It's also a cool organization because aside from being costume and Star Wars junkies, they do charity appearances, help with fundraisers, and generally endeavor to be a positive force in their communities. On that note, hopefully I'll get my custom lightsaber, as well as some parts I ordered for my Han Solo costume, this week sometime. Want to get the Solo costume in shape so I can have two registered. Then I will work on converting my Jedi from New Republic to Old Republic, which will then become three costumes. For that I pretty much just need brown fabric tabards to replace my black leather ones.

School is going okay. One of the things I keep running into with graduate school is that it seems much harder to gauge how I'm doing at any given time than it was as an undergrad. Whenever anyone asks me how classes are going, all I can say is, "Okay, so far as I know." There are some very cool people in my Tuesday night class--as much of a pain in the ass as it is having to go into campus every week (Tuesdays are a LONG day for me), I'm kind of glad I decided to take a ground class. I'm getting a bit more out of it, I think, than I do online.

My online class so far has been pretty nothing. Watching course lectures, one assignment. Guess that's going okay. Waiting for my grade on my assignment. It's one of those theory-heavy classes that you'll probably never use once you graduate, but is important for background of other shit you'll do. A "necessary evil" class, if you will.

I am still waiting for the publisher to return my revised signed contract to me. That's a tad frustrating, but again, ah, well.

Well, guess that's all for the time being. I'll try to be more regular about this if I can.

Update soon

2010-02-04T11:06:00.000-05:00

I've been a bit lax...things at work have been nuts, especially when combined with school. I will try and have a substantial posting within the next week or two.

I had a strange dream...

2010-01-29T07:52:00.002-05:00

I had a dream last night that I was captured along with my entire extended family by reptilian aliens (specifically, the ones from the V television series) who took us to a (supposedly) secure mansion where we were being kept essentially as livestock to be consumed at a huge banquet. As with most aliens in V, most of them kept their human skins on most of the time. They seemed an amalgam of the classic V and new V aliens. Mostly they wore uniforms like the new ones, but had laser weapons like the old ones.

My family, having gone through what we've gone through, took things in stride, but were a bit too ready to accept their fate. My brother-in-law Ian and I hatched a plan to get out of there, and managed to escape through a bathroom window. Once free, we went around to the front of the mansion and opened the door to get everyone else out. We had to overcome two guards to do so, and in the process got two of their laser guns.

This accomplished, we stole cars to get out of there, shooting the guards in the guard towers (and their laser defense batteries) with our new pistols, scooping up their discarded weapons as we fled--ostensibly to join or form the Resistance. I remember screaming back at them as we fled something to the effect of, "Give us your best shot! Nothing you can do can take us now, because we have YOUR weapons!"

The dream shifted after that, and I don't remember anything else.

I'm no expert in dream interpretation but I can't help feeling that this particular dream had something to do with how trapped I've been feeling in my life of late. I keep telling myself that it's all leading towards something, to suck it up and plow ahead. In August 2011 I'll have my master's degree and things will hopefully look up from there.

It's just that August 2011 seems so far away.

And what about the escape part? Most of the dream seemed to focus on that, on Ian and me plotting and executing our escape. In the end, we were successful in a big way. Does that mean simply that I want to get out? Or does it mean that there's something there--perhaps something involving Ian--that I am missing, which could help me, somehow? I have no idea.

So, Noble Readers, if anyone out there is an expert on Jungian dream interpretation, have at it.

Stephanie Meyer Never Met an Adverb She Didn't Like

2010-01-27T17:11:00.003-05:00

Quote of the week from one of my Resources for young Adults instructors regarding Stephanie Meyer:

"Writing is not an iterative process for Stephanie Meyer. She goes 'badda badda badda' DONE!"

You had to see the rapid fire air-typing motions he made while he said it. He became my hero in that instant.

Another quote, this one from the professor:

"It's a phenomonon, there's no doubt about that. It's just that she's not really that good of a writer. And I think she gets worse as she goes. It's like her editor just gave up."

My first novel...

2010-01-22T23:04:00.003-05:00

Many of you follow me via facebook, and are thus aware that today I received the preliminary contract for my first novel, which is entitled Broken Gods. I'm currently negotiating with the publisher on terms--I have asked for two changes to be made, to which they were amicable, and the contract otherwise is in the hands of my lawyer.

Since I posted the status update, I've gotten a ton of congratulatory notes, a few requests for more information (waves at Christina), and even a few words of well-intentioned warning from the fine folks at the Creative Writing Collective on RPGNet. I'll address the words of warning, first.

The publisher is Reliquary Press. They have a website and a Facebook page. When I posted on RPGNet, a few concerned posters pointed me towards a thread on AbsoluteWrite, a website that serves as a sort of watchdog for scam and vanity publishers. The thread in question was begun in September, right when Reliquary went live, and is essentially wrong. Reliquary could use a revamp of their website (and they are aware of this) but they are neither a scam nor a vanity publisher. They are new, and they are small, but attempting to grow. They currently sell through Amazon and direct orders but are working hard to get distribution to the book trade up and running.

How do I know all this? Simple, and this ties into how I got hooked up with them in the first place: networking.

Never underestimate the power of networking, if you are an aspiring writer, artist, musician, whatever. One of the partners in Reliquary is Bill Coffin, a luminary in the roleplaying game industry. He currently works as the publisher for Risk Management magazine, but like many of us would rather be working in fiction. Running a traditional publishing company has been something of a dream of his for awhile, and finally he and his partner took their knowledge of publishing and information technology, and a bit of money, and founded Reliquary in September.

Again, I know this because I know Bill. Bill and I became acquainted during the brief period in which I freelanced for Palladium Books. He was a staffer at Palladium at the time, and was there to advise me on structuring my manuscript for them. Later, after he and C.J. Carella parted ways with Palladium, I had posted some incorrect information regarding the nature of their departure on RPGNet. The two of them corrected my mistake, and I e-mailed both to apologize. Both were perfect gentlemen and very professional and told me not to worry about it. Bill and I began a correspondence, and when I was let go of Palladium, Bill and I (and a couple other former writers) discovered our stories had strikingly similar details.

Bill became something of a mentor to me, a great workshopper for my writing, and eventually, a friend. This summer we met after nine years or so of correspondence, at Gen Con. It was there he told me about Reliquary, and told me he would be looking to me for manuscripts.

I've watched Reliquary as he set it up, and been privy to some of his and his partner's business decisions, and offered unsolicited thoughts and advice that Bill, ever the gentleman, was happy to hear.

I am not comfortable speaking for Reliquary as far as details go--that would be unprofessional--but they have several other novelists contracted at the moment, and a decent sized slush pile given their newness. Suffice it to say, however, that while AbsoluteWrite is generally an excellent resource, in this case they are wrong and the information there is several months old. You will also note that one of the posters there claims that Bill likely infringed upon Palladium's copyright by "stealing" the Rifts rules system for a game he wrote while he was employed at Palladium, which was work for hire for Palladium, and was mandated that it use the same rules as all of Palladium's other games. Had that poster bothered to look at the publisher of the two games he mentions (Bill's and Rifts, respectively) rather than slinging mud, he would've seen that they were both published by Palladium, and that Kevin Siembieda, the publisher/owner of Palladium, had a hand in both.

In short, Reliquary is neither a scam nor a vanity publisher--they don't charge money. All the cash flows in the direction of the writer, as it should. They offer an unusual royalty scheme because they are trying a different model (let's face it--the traditional publishing model is notoriously difficult and subject as much to luck as it is skill) and want to champion new writers who they feel deserve to be published. They don't accept anyone and everyone. They read submissions and like any legitimate publisher if they believe in what they get, they offer a contract. I'm looking to sign with them because I've seen Bill's work ethic and I believe in what he's attempting to do. I believe that he can be a successful publisher, and hope that in some small way my work becomes popular enough that I can help him in that venture. I'm not going in blind, either--friend or no, my lawyer is looking at the contract, and Reliquary is aware of this and encouraged me to do so.

So, that answers the question of how I got hooked up with Reliquary and hopefully puts to rest some concerns people who Google and find that unfortunate thread may have.

Now as to the book itself. Here is the draft (which will likely be tightened up as we get closer to publication) of my sales/back cover blurb:

Emotionally scarred 18-year-old Sabrina Matthews is offered the chance to become the living avatar of her Goddess, and jumps at the chance despite a depraved cost.

While Sabrina builds a dark cult for her mistress, slaughtering “sinners” to feed her new power, amnesiac Jacob Crane is visited by a dark stranger who offers power over fortune itself if Jacob agrees to oppose Sabrina. He accepts, despite the need to feed on living souls to use his own power, and the two are set against each other in a game of cat and mouse that could spell Armageddon if not contained.

Jaded homicide detective Frank Hill and his ex-lover forensic psychologist Lexie Miller are hot on the trail of what they believe to be a gruesome and elusive serial killer, when a third faction of strangers offers them the power to bring a stop to the killing.

The battle comes to an explosive conclusion as one by one, the humans transform from pawns to major players. Who can save the city and the world? Will it be Sabrina, Jacob, Frank, or Lexie, or will they all remain forever…

Broken Gods

So is this the be-all, end-all? No, though it could be if Reliquary manages to realize their potential. For now, however, it's a huge step in the right direction.

A New Semester Begins

2010-01-13T08:18:00.003-05:00

First class was last night. After work today I'll be watching the video of my other first class.

Last night was enjoyable. Another of my online Cohort, Milana, has also decided to take courses on campus, being local, and a fellow named Zach (who I met during site visits last semester) is in class with me, so it was nice to see a couple familiar faces. The professor in this course is the same as the one I had for my School Library Media Center Mgmt. class last semester, and she loves to separate people into groups--Milana and Zach are both in my group. Again, nice. Not so nice is I made five potential new friends last night, and only one of them is in my group, so likely I won't see the others very often.

The class itself is going to be fun, I think--Resources for Young Adults. I am disappointed at the lack of sci-fi and fantasy works on the list, given how popular such books are with the YA set, but you'll have that. Nobody gives SF/F any love; it's the nature of the beast. Even the graphic novels are not of the SF/F variety. What is irksome is that the lone example of this genre on the list (not counting the books on the "pre-reading list," which include City of Ember and Maximum Ride) is Twilight. I was, however, relieved to discover that the vast majority of people in class also despise the book and Stephanie Meyer.

I found it shocking that the "Young Adult Fiction Through the Decades" list did not include The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, The Chronicles of Narnia, or Harry Potter. But again, sci-fi and fantasy. No love.

One of the instructors for the class is the school librarian where my brother-in-law teaches. That could make for an interesting semester. At very least it means I have to bust my hump in this one to make a good impression.

A bit nervous about my other class: Organizing and Retrieving Information. It's supposedly one of the most grueling classes in the whole program. We'll see how it goes. I got A-'s last semester. I'm shooting for solid A's this semester.

It was interesting seeing some of the first semester (January start) students in there. You suddenly feel a lot different when you're not the new one in class. Even having one semester under your belt in a grad program gives you a lot more confidence and self-assuredness about where you are and what you're doing. I kept thinking that these kids (and many of them are kids; I'm still at least 10 years older than most of them) are in for the ride of their lives.

In other news, it's going up above freezing for a few days here, and will even hit a balmy 40 degrees tomorrow and Friday--and we will see SUN. Sometimes Sophia says "yes." I'm happy about that.

I am taking training in purchasing for the department on Friday--I had hoped to slide into the purchasing manager job that is currently vacant, but we are now concerned that they're not going to fill the position and will just dump the responsibilities on the heads of Billie (the Undergrad coordinator) and me anyway. That will suck--not because it's such hard work, but because I was really hoping to finally get away from being someone's assistant, and getting off the damn reception desk. Plus, it's the responsibilities of two jobs, without a commensurate pay increase and/or title adjustment. But, I keep telling myself, have faith and things will fall into place. They generally work themselves out for the best as long as you keep your head down and plow forward.

I'm feeling a bit more "up" about things today. That happens this time of year. I go back and forth. The fact that I've been sleeping like garbage probably doesn't help matters at all, but I won't take sleep aids for two reasons--first, I don't like relying on drugs of any kind. I don't even like to take cold medicine or ibuprofen for a headache. Second, those sleep aids put you out for 8 hours--I only sleep 6.5. I'd have to go to bed at 10:00, which would throw my schedule completely off. So there you have it. Julie has an herbal tea that's supposed to help. May have to try that.

Last night was a bit better--when I woke up at 3:00 AM instead of laying there frustrated b/c I couldn't get back to sleep, I went downstairs and got a drink of water, then came back to bed and was able to sleep. Woke up again probably around 5:00 AM and from there on out it was an in-out doze, but at least I didn't lay there wide awake and frustrated. This happens every so often, usually when I have a lot going on. My brain just won't shut down at night like it should. I'll suck it up till these two grant renewals are done, and then things will be okay.

Okay, I've rambled enough. Guess that's about all for now. Stay tuned; 2010 is just getting started.

I need some sun

2010-01-12T08:59:00.003-05:00

Things here lately have been gloomy. And I'm not just referring to the 20 or so inches of snow we've seen this month, or the gray skies and frigid temperatures, or the 125 lbs of snow-melt salts I've used, though that's certainly part of it. Indeed, I'd go so far as to guess that's the general cause of it.

No, I'm talking about my mood. Life in general. It's dark, gloomy, and melancholy. I feel almost emo, and I don't like it. I often get a bit down during the winter--mild seasonal affective, I think they call it--but this year seems worse than most somehow. I don't want to do anything except lay around my house with my cat, wishing that my gas fireplace worked properly (it has, I think, a bad thermocouple), wishing that it were sunny and 60 degrees outside, wishing I could get up the gumption to go to a cafe and write. I can't get anything done at work because I can't focus on anything...this is bad because there are two major grant renewals coming up on the 25th. So far I'm keeping up with one of them, but the other is behind schedule.

Classes start tonight--my second semester in the MLIS program. I should be excited about it, but I just don't want to bother. Don't get me wrong: I will "bother." I'll be there. I just don't want to. I'd really like it to be August 2011 right now. That's my graduation date--then, at the age of 37, I'll finally be able to start looking for a real career. Unless, that is, my writing takes off before then.

Speaking of which, I do have some good news. I shouldn't say anything specific right now, but something very cool is on the horizon and is related to my writing. Nothing is set in stone, yet (I never consider things set until signed contracts are in hand) but it's moving forward with every promising look it can get. I'll keep you posted.

Happy January, and I'll try and update this thing more frequently. That is, if anyone cares.

Something is "off" today...

2010-01-07T08:59:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure what it is. But something today is not right. I can feel it in my gut. I'm not sure if something good or something bad is going to happen, but I think something's coming on the horizon.

It could just be one of those days where you just don't want to be doing the daily grind, I suppose. One of those days where it would be nice to just be sitting in a cafe with a cuppa and a book or word processor at my side. Maybe in the smoking room with my pipe. I don't know. I feel nervous and anxious today. Am I missing something? Was I supposed to do something that I forgot? Is something going to blow up in my face today?

...I got distracted and completely lost track of this blog, so I'm going to sign off now. Here's to hoping it's something good today, not something bad.

Happy New Year

2010-01-04T08:11:00.002-05:00

So here we are. Hello, 2010. We've made it through the first decade of the 21st century (yes, I know, technically the 21st century didn't start till 2001 because there's no Year Zero, and really technically it wasn't till something like April 2004 because of the 400-odd years they didn't account for leap year blah, blah, blah...we made it through a decade of the 21st century. Deal.)

The first decade was rough, to say the least. It began with fear and worry over that Y2K garbage. Then came 9-11. War, terrorism, the greatest economic recession since the Great Depression, unemployment in the double digits, the housing market collapse, crime on the rise (doubtless related to all of the above), people close to me and people close to those I care about, have died...it's not been a happy time.

That being said, some good things did happen, for me at least. I completed my B.A., got married, bought a house, came back to Pitt after enduring the most awful work experience I've ever known, and made some of the best friends I've ever had (technically that started in 99 when I met the guys, but we'll handwave it in). I published my first book and began my Roleplaying Game industry freelancing. Though my first book for Palladium Studios wasn't everything I'd hoped (nor was my relationship with the company, which turned out to be somewhat heartbreaking), I have enjoyed some degree of success in the RPG industry with Eden Studios and have some potentially good prospects with Troll Lord Games. I started graduate school and finished my first semester with a 3.75 GPA; not too shabby. Not a 4.0, but I have to cut myself some slack, as grad school is rough in ways you can't explain to someone who hasn't been there. I can keep pushing for that 4.0, though.

So yeah, the first decade of the 21st century has been one of wild ups and downs, both for me personally, for the country, and for the world.

So what's all this leading up to? 2010. It's a new year, a new decade, a fresh start. I know, I know, everyone says that every year. But this year, I have an uncommonly good feeling about what's to come. I have a very powerful impression in my gut that the coming year is going to be my year. Good things are on the horizon--I just know it. I can taste it. Julie and I are going to enter a golden era this year. She thinks I'll see my first novel publication; I have the same feeling. I also have a feeling there are positive and lucrative changes in the near future economically for me. While winning the lottery would be a great way to see that happen, I'm thinking more along the lines of the idea that I'll get the opportunity for a great job.

I'd like to make a new band happen this year. If the guitarist I have potentially lined up works out, that can happen soon, too.

In any case, the new year is looking good. It's been awhile since I had a really positive outlook on what the future held--usually I just hope for the best. But this year feels different, somehow. Hope I'm right, and hope 2010 is a great year for everyone, all around.

Here's to it!

Holiday Break--Spiritual Ponderings.

2009-12-23T17:31:00.003-05:00

The greatest thing about working for a University is the week (sometimes, like this year, week-plus) of free vacation that comes about over the Holiday Break, which falls between December 24 and January 1, inclusive. This year, I don't go back until the 4th of January because of the way the weekends fall. Woot.

I'm sure, as it always does, the break will go way too fast and I won't have time to complete a fraction of the things I want to complete, such as:

1. Reading the 13 young adult/children's books I have to read for the start of class on January 5th.

2. Finishing the draft of The First Battle: The Chronicles of Charlie Morning and Mr. Night.

3. Starting on what I hope is the final revision of Broken Gods for publication.

4. Catching up on some pleasure reading.

Thanks to a bizarre happenstance, I've rediscovered my love for religious studies, which is going to be torturous as I only have time to read materials for my MLIS currently, but in any case I realized that in my studies of western religion in antiquity I've left out a lot of interesting modern spiritual paths, particularly dark paths--what attracts people to darker forms of spirituality, and what's the real history of these paths? There's very little new under the sun, as I'm sure many of you know, and most religions have roots that go back way farther than their practitioners and followers realize. For some people, I'm sure, darker paths of spirituality are attractive for rebellious, "fuck society" reasons. But to assume that everyone who follows darker paths is just a blind rebel is to discount some very intelligent, spiritual, educated people who simply have a different view of spirituality than the rest of us. Unfortunately, as with many religions, it's the assholes who tend to make the most noise and unfortunately they set a bad example for the rest of the faith. How many people abhor Christianity because of the way Christians behave? What about Islam? How many people think it's just a religion of extremist, terrorist zealots? The truth is, many Christians are very good people who live as Christians should, and most Muslims don't commit mass murder and acts of terror...but the 10% asshole factor is the most visible and doesn't paint that picture.

The point is, I'm sure that many, if not most, practitioners of darker paths of spirituality aren't necessarily cat-killing cultists or people out to shock the world with how eeeeevil they are. And yet, we as religious scholars overlook them, and indeed many modern pagan and alternative spiritual paths. Why?

Something to ponder as I continue my studies of the divine feminine, which certainly has its own dark aspects.

Well, just another pointless musing. Don't mind me--it's just been awhile since I updated.

Merry Christmas, Happy (belated) Chanukkah, Solstice, Happy Festivus, Happy Kwanzaa, Joyous Saturnalia, Happy Birthday Mithras...you get the idea.

And Happy New Year to everyone, should I forget to update before then.

Straight A's!

2009-12-18T11:05:00.000-05:00

I have begun grad school with straight-A's.

That is all.

The door behind closes, the one ahead opens

2009-12-16T07:57:00.003-05:00

Semester is now officially over. Had my last video conference with my instructor yesterday regarding my professional portfolio. I'm told grades should all be posted within a week, and the one that I was worried about within a day or two, so keep your fingers crossed on that one.

I feel good about the meeting yesterday. Think I will do well on the portfolio.

Now for the daunting task of reading 13 books in 2 weeks. They are all children/young adult books, so it shouldn't be too bad. If I put my mind to it I can (and have) read four books in one weekend, which are much harder to read than children's books, so...

Kind of crappy that they give us homework between semesters in this program, to be honest. It's such a marathon grind during the semester that it would be nice to be able to actually recharge the batteries a bit, especially given that we have to go year-round. No summers off, here.

One week exactly until Christmas break begins. God, do I need it. I'm really very much hoping to get a lot of writing done over those eleven days. Need to buckle down and try to get Charlie Morning finished and even revised, if I can. Publisher won't wait forever, after all.

Did I mention I'm putting in for another position here? One of the ladies with whom I work is leaving for another job, and I'm putting my name in the hat for her position. Salary-wise, it's a step sideways, but would get me off the front desk, into an office, and with stable hours (none of this working late or overnight travel business). I think I'd be happy there. So wish me luck on that. I'm already partially trained in the position, so that's a leg up for me, but there's a chance that they will either decide they don't want to deal with a search to fill my job, or that they'll decide since I'm interested they can just dump both jobs on me without compensation...that's how things sometimes work around here.

Overall, I feel pretty good about things in general. There are some serious niggling doubts about parts of my day job right now, but I'll deal with them as I can. And with any luck at all, by April 2011 I will have a Master's degree and a real career. And hopefully at least two novels on the market.

As the semester nears its end...

2009-12-14T09:29:00.002-05:00

Well, grades are in for LIS2000. I aced the final and got 18/20 on class participation. This leaves me with an A in the class (actually, A-, but who is counting?)

This lifts a GIGANTIC weight off my shoulders. Huge. I was genuinely worried about my participation grade in that class. I'm on cloud 9 right now.

Now, I have two more assignments due in my LIS2774 class, tomorrow. One is just a self-evaluation--easy enough to do. The other I'll be working on late tonight and hopefully pull off okay. It's a partial professional portfolio that we are to put together and work on as we go through the program. These two assignments count for 30% of the total grade. I expect to get 14.5/16 on the evaluation; the portfolio I'm not sure on, as nobody in the class understands what we're supposed to include with it. So we shall see. I'm also still waiting on the final grade for our presentations (which I feel like I dropped the ball on). So there are still 45 points unaccounted for in that class...it seems odd to me that the last 3 assignments are worth nearly half our grade, when we've had nine assignments, none cumulative, but it is what it is, I suppose. Wish me luck in that one. I currently am sitting on 84% in that class, a solid B. Just need to maintain that level and I'm completely good to go. However, even if I get a C in that class it's not the end of the world for me, as I'm changing tracks and the class would just fill the slot of an elective anyway. And since I have an A in 2000, that will maintain my B average to stay in the program. So it seems wherever I end up, I should be good to go.

Add to that the fact that on Saturday morning I scored the biggest doe that's been taken at my parents' place all hunting season, and the week is starting off pretty damn good. Classes end after tomorrow, and I'm putting in for a new job at work. Wish me best of luck on that one--I think I'll be much happier doing it.

That's all for now! Happy Monday.

Well, I'm Back to October

2009-12-11T07:36:00.003-05:00

What I mean is, I feel the same way now that I felt after the mid-term. I hope it was actually as easy as it seemed and I didn't miss something.

I feel pretty good about it; we'll see what happens in the end.

Now I just wait for the grade to come down for that presentation.

So what's on the stress-agenda for today? We have someone from the gas company coming to do a "safety inspection" of our gas meter. I am praying very hard that it goes without incident. The last thing I need is for them to have to replace the meter, then go to re-light our pilot lights and subsequently find a problem in our gas lines that requires red-tagging. In December. When temperatures are in the teens.

Wish me luck, folks; I'm not out of the woods yet.

The semester's end draws near...

2009-12-10T08:08:00.002-05:00

So we had our final group presentation in my online class on Tuesday night, via WebEx. If you're unfamiliar with WebEx...well, just don't get familiar with it if you can help it. It sucks hardcore. I have to use it at work, and I don't like it at all. It's clunky, suffers from lag, and certain elements tend to freeze, randomly shut off, or vanish.

I was the presenter for my group, and am pretty sure that I completely blew it, getting lost in my notes and stumbling all over myself. Which means I could've screwed over four other peoples' grades in the process. I've said this before--this is exactly why I despise group work. If this was only my grade at stake I'd suck it up and move on. I didn't do as well as I should have, and hopefully it won't kill me too bad. But now, there are the grades of four other people on the line. How is that right?

I just wish the grades would come out. I'm tired of stressing about it. I want relief or condemnation, not limbo. If we get 11 or 12 out of 15 on it I'll be satisfied. Not happy, but satisfied.

I have a final exam in my other class today, and while I'm completely caught up on the materials, I haven't been able to focus properly on them, so I'm pretty sure I'm not prepared. I printed up the Power Point presentations to review before I take it, but cripes, at this point it just feels like everything is falling apart on me just as it was starting to look up. I wonder if I'll blow this one, too, and make it 2 for 2.

Suddenly it feels like I'm not going to make it after all. That's depressing, as I was starting to feel like I had everything well in hand.

Well, I guess that's all. I'll post to let everyone know the results when I have them. Wish me luck. It seems like I'm going to need it in a big way.

The Dead Man's Hand

2009-12-07T15:36:00.001-05:00

©2009 by Jason Vey. All rights reserved.

It was not the driving rain that led the Queen of Diamonds to draw her ash gray hooded cloak more tightly about her, though that didn’t hurt. Rather, it was a desire to hide her flaming red hair, piercing amber eyes, and noble countenance from passers-by. Even in this weather, when most would seek shelter, one couldn’t be too cautious. After all, the spies of the Widow were everywhere these days, a fact to which the long scar cutting down the left side of her companion’s face, over his eye, well attested.

Her companion, too, was hooded and cloaked against the weather and the prying eyes of any who might be watching the travelers. The Jack of Diamonds, who proudly bore the title the Knave, knew well his mother’s concern. It wasn’t just unseemly for royalty from the Four Kingdoms to be caught outside of their courts these days, it was deadly. His sword was keen, sharp and fast, but it could only take down so many if the two of them were mobbed, and the blade of an assassin was just as keen, and invisible.

“We’re going to have to stop soon,” he observed. “The rain is growing thick. Soon I won’t be able to see my hand before my face.”

“You’re right, I know,” the Queen replied. “Part of me wonders if this isn’t the work of the Widow, to slow us down.”

“Do you really believe she has eyes within our court, to have caught us leaving?” The Knave had a hard time believing the words, even as he spoke them.

“Our court is decadent and lavish,” the Queen replied, “as I love it. But it does leave gaps, and the Widow is clever. They say even the shadows are alive under her necromancy. By Alice, even the rain drops might have eyes that report back to her!”

“You shouldn’t blaspheme, Mother,” the Knave said. “Calling upon the demon-bitch like that can only make things worse.”

The Queen nodded, but didn’t press the issue. Instead, she pointed ahead. “I see lights. Mayhap an inn awaits further down the road.”

“I hope so,” the Knave said. “Curse this incessant rain! Can it never stop?”

“Not as long as the Widow has control,” the Queen said. “But should our mission prove successful, the sun may yet shine upon Wonderland again.”

...just a teaser of something I'm working on ;)

Progress

2009-12-03T08:32:00.002-05:00

Classes are done in about two weeks or so for the semester. Hopefully I pull off those B's. I think I will. Burnout is setting in, big time, and it's a struggle to get each assignment done. Hopefully the three weeks or so I have off will allow me to recharge batteries enough to get through another (then another, then another, etc.)

Five more semesters to go after this one.

Anyway, since time is freeing up near the end of the semester, I've had the opportunity to get back to doing some real writing (as opposed to bullshit, "look what I can do," course papers) and have dove back into Charlie Morning and Mr. Night. I made fantastic progress yesterday--got almost 2,000 words written in the space of an hour and a half, and then managed to completely outline the rest of the book. I'm confident that with just a bit of due diligence I'll have the draft completed by the end of December. Thank God for the Beehive. I'm not sure where my writing would be without it. I have a hard time writing at home, and my current job just doesn't have the atmosphere for it, even during down time. The muse doesn't come here. She does, however, show up at the Beehive (as well as at very inopportune moments like when I'm driving somewhere and unable to put keys to screen, or fingers to keys, or whatever the modern version of pen-to-paper is).

The story so far, for those who haven't been keeping up:

Our heroine, young Becky Bradford, has been chosen to champion the children of the world in a contest that has gone on for thousands of years. This contest is played between the Prince of the Seelie Court (currently called Charlie Morning) and the Goblin Prince of the Unseelie Court (currently known as Mr. Night). Mr. Night wishes to turn all children into Bogies--goblins. Charlie Morning wants to protect them. Each gets to pick a champion who does battle in a fantasy land, but this time Mr. Night has challenged Charlie Morning to play in the real world, so Charlie chose as his champion a girl who can create her own fantasy worlds--a girl diagnosed with childhood onset schizophrenia.

Mr. Night has played the game well and deadly, leading Charlie to cheat several times to help Becky where he wasn't allowed. This has resulted in Charlie's imprisonment and torture within Mr. Night's castle, and Mr. Night choosing two new champions to face Becky. One has been revealed as Becky's former best friend Veronica (Roni); the other has yet to be revealed.

Becky, lost and alone, has tracked down two former champions--an old woman named Susan whom Becky helped come out of a sixty-year catatonia, and a sixty-odd-year-old priest named Father Bastian, whom Becky has known since she was a baby. Together with a young Asperger's boy named Galen, they escaped an assault by Mr. Night's bogie forces to what once was a fantasy world where Susan fought her own battle, but is now simply known as the Abandoned Wastes of Na'ra.

Through dreams, Becky has surmised that Charlie Morning is being held prisoner and resolved to rescue him. She is certain that there is a portal from the Wastes to wherever Charlie is being held, and as this is her game the others are bound to follow her lead.

Meanwhile, Roni and her sidekick, the Bogie Tommy Myers, have arrived in the Wastes and are chasing Becky and her fellowship, while a third faction, a dragon and the dwarves who control all the remaining water in the Wastes, have begun to plot how they can use these developments to escape the Hell in which they've been imprisoned for thousands of years...

...but that's all you get for now. The rest exists only in outline form and won't be summarized until it's written (and perhaps not even then; I mean, I want you to buy the book, after all!)

The Creation of Humans

2009-12-01T15:17:00.003-05:00

We all know that God is the greatest practical joker ever--and He's not even subtle about it. He loves to get His jollies off of the predicaments into which we get ourselves. The most obvious and traditional evidence of this sense of humor is the platypus. No explanation needed there. Another good one is getting back to your parking meter 30 seconds after it's run out to find yourself getting a parking ticket. You come outside to go to work on a day when you have an important deadline, get in the car, it starts, then just as you start to back out of the driveway, it dies and won't start again. You call the wrecker, and he shows up, only to find that the car starts fine. You've missed your deadline, and the car never gives you any trouble again.

You get the idea.

So here's my concept of the creation of humans, many tens of thousands of years ago, in Heaven.

God: I'VE GOT IT!

St. Peter: Don't give it to anyone else.

God: Shut up, dumbass. No, I'm going to make men hit their sexual peak at 17 or 18...but women don't hit it till they're 35! And men have 15 second orgasms. Women? 15 MINUTES!

St. Paul: Are you smoking again?

God: No, it'll be great! By 2007 AD, teachers will be having sex with students and nobody will know what's going on!

St. Mary:...that's pretty fucked up, God.

God: Hee. Hee hee. Hee hee hee...now hand me some of those ultra-sensitive nerve endings over there.