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Thursday, October 1, 2009

Not all those who wander are lost...

Yesterday night I finished that nightmare paper I had on my plate. I just hope I get a decent grade on it. Today is Day One the big Visiting Committee meeting on campus that I have to work, which goes from noon till 7:00. I came in at 9:30 this morning to make up the remaining two hours of late time from my library observation yesterday.

I'm just praying nothing blows up at this meeting. Tomorrow, day two, runs from 8:00 AM till 3:00 PM. After that, I have two huge stressors off my plate. I told Julie yesterday that sometime in the next couple weeks she and I need to take a spontaneous day off just for us. It's been far too long since we did that. Just call off work and spend the day together.

Next I dive into the book for Cubicle 7 full steam ahead. If I do 3500 words a day I should be able to make my deadline. Not easy, but doable, and it's far more enjoyable than trying to squeeze nine sources into a bullshit 1500-word essay. While I do that I'll head into the readings for my next paper (due November 1)--this one 2500 words and twelve sources.

Sigh. At least I've got more time on this one. I should also be able to get caught up with the readings and lectures I'm behind on.

I hope I'm not just being optimistic, but things look as they might actually be calming down a bit for me. Maybe. There's still the training grant bullshit to deal with, but hopefully I can get on top of that, too.

I opened a dialogue with a potential partner yesterday in opening a cafe. No worries--this isn't just more on my plate. It's just the beginnings of a discussion that may or may not come to fruition several years down the line. If anyone out there is filthy rich and would like to invest or set up a grant program for us, let us know--I figure we'll need about $150K to $200K in startup funds ;).

I was due to be in here at 11:00 AM yesterday, following my class visit to Linton Middle School Library for observation. I actually got back to the South Side around 10:15 or 10:20, and really didn't feel like coming in yet, so I went to the Beehive for a half hour, got an iced tea, and just sat. I mentioned yesterday how there's something about that place that makes you feel like everything is right with the world. It centers me, especially during the day when it's quiet and business is slow but steady. It's a great place to write, to do schoolwork, to socialize, even to just sit and be. Everyone should have someplace like that in their lives.

It really made me reflect that having a place like that, where I could give that feeling to other people, would be a dream come true. I'd happily dedicate the 24/7 commitment of owning your own business to a venture like that. And given that I used to work as an assistant manager for Bruegger's (a local bagel joint) I've got experience in running a similar operation. Restaurant management isn't rocket science. Sure, it requires accounting and basic math, and attention to detail, but if you can deal with people and long hours it's actually a pretty satisfying job. That's not to say it's EASY, mind you. It requires strong people skills, which too many people don't have. It requires common sense. It requires a degree of business acumen (what to purchase, when, and how much), and it requires attention to details (you do NOT want to screw up your accounting or fall below health department standards). But it's active, it's constant, and call me crazy, in a lot of ways it's fun.

Sometimes I think there's something wrong with me that by 35 I still haven't quite found my place. There's so many things I'd LIKE to do, but I can never seem to settle on one. Mostly because it all seems so complicated. I suspect what I need to do is handle it like I've handled everything at which I eventually succeeded--dive in head first and I'll see it's not as complex as it seemed. Just do it, as that old Nike slogan used to say. But there's also that great quote by Tolkien:

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

The road is long ahead of me, and really, I like to joke about feeling old, but I'm only 35. They say that 30 is the new 20, and I've got a lot of years ahead of me. I'll find--nay, I'll make my place in the world. I'll get there, and God and Goddess willing, I'll find everything I dreamed of at the end.

There's only one thing I really want. Decades from now, as I lay in my bed dying hopefully of extreme old age, I want to be able to look back and say, "I lived a good life...and I really enjoyed the ride. Hot damn, did we have some good times."

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Sophia, Goddess of Wisdom, and Mary Magdalene.

I'm not a mad bible thumper--Sophia, however, is my inspiration and always in my heart