We're supposed to post at least two blogs per week. The problem I have is I often don't feel like I have anything worth reporting that often!
I feel sort of like my life is in flux right now. Everything is up in the air for a variety of reasons. Hopefully a good bit of that will be resolved sometime this week, and for the good. I don't want to drop any details right now lest I jinx it, but rest assured I'll post here if it comes to pass. And if anyone has any good vibes to send my way, please do. I really need them at this point.
Hard to believe I'm coming up on the halfway point in my graduate program. Even harder to believe that if I'd done full time I could be actually finishing this semester (or at least, in the fall). There are no words for how badly I wish I could do that. The only time I feel like I'm accomplishing something worthwhile these days is when I'm in class. Lord knows it's not at the immensely unsatisfying day job. But I'll get there. I just have to keep my spirits high and push forward. Onward and upward, sally forth, all that good stuff.
It's not easy being thirty-five and feeling like you haven't yet started a career. I fell into being an administrative assistant back in 2000, and have been stuck as such ever since. I expect a lot of admins have similar stories--few people would actually choose this as a career. You do it because you can, and because it pays the bills. But it's not what you would call a fulfilling job--essentially administrative assistants do whatever those in charge don't feel like doing themselves. And unfortunately, those in charge generally don't understand that, so they expect you to devote your life to being an assistant, even while you are at home, on vacation, sick, wherever. Even when you're not at work, you're supposed to (in their minds) be in work mode. I can't fly that way for a job that exists only for me to make ends meet.
So I pray very hard, every day, that when all is said and done and I walk out of Pitt with Master's degree in hand (and can actually sign documents, "Jason Vey, MLIS") that there is some sort of at least mildly fulfilling career out there waiting for me. I'd give just about anything for that. A job that I don't mind thinking about occasionally when I'm not there. A job that is rewarding and fulfilling on some level, because I chose it rather than falling into it.
Maybe I'm just a dreamer. Who knows? But there you have it.
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I'm not a mad bible thumper--Sophia, however, is my inspiration and always in my heart
Jason,
ReplyDeleteI realize you wrote this a while ago (I don't check the blogs that often...time is an issue, as I'm sure you're well aware!) but I know how you feel. I graduated from undergrad 6 years ago and I haven't had any real career--in fact, over the past 10 years, I've probably held around 20 different jobs. I hate to say that I'm one of those job jumpers but for some of those jobs it was true--many didn't hold my interest and the ones that did were only temporary. It's so frustrating to be stuck in a job you hate (I was an admin assistant for a while, but ended up getting "let go"--I stopped caring after I was doing 5 different people's jobs and my boss was a nut and so she told me it wasn't going to "work out").
So I'm right there with you, sending you some good vibes. One day you will have a job you love (or at least will want to get out of bed in the morning for). Just a few more semesters!