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Thursday, June 2, 2011

Just another day in paradise.

Another day. Really tired today; I was up late last night working on homework, then had to get up at 5:00 am to finish it. Still have more to do later as well. Lots of work this semester, and much of it very frustrating, but I'm gaining useful skills, which is good.

On the down side, still not a single call back from any of the slew of resumes I've sent to prospective employers. Worse, while for awhile it seemed like there was a lot of library jobs opening up in Pittsburgh, now suddenly we're down to just the odd part time clerk job at $9.00 an hour. The idea of completing my Masters degree and still being stuck as an administrative assistant is horrifying. I know my resume and cover letter are strong--I've had it reviewed and tweaked by experts. I have good references. I follow up where possible. I just have a hard time believing it's entirely bad luck due to hundreds of submissions. It would be nice to know what I could do differently. I wish I could've done an internship. I wish I could leave this town to improve my prospects. I wish a lot of things, but as they say, wish in one hand...

I guess all I can do is keep working, keep plowing ahead, and see what happens. I pray every day but that hasn't really helped. Frankly, I'm getting a little tired of praying. If She's out there, either She's stopped listening, doesn't care, or just has bigger fish to fry at the moment. I'm hoping it's the last and some day She'll get back around to me. But clearly the old saying that God helps those who help themselves is crap, because it seems every time I've tried to take a step to help myself, God hasn't stepped up to the plate, and indeed things just get harder.

Not that everything is negative. There's the publication of my novel, which is definitely a step in the right direction for me. And I have plans for further steps to take after graduation. I just really don't want to be working as an administrative assistant anymore. Over ten years of this is plenty, thank you very much. If I have to work an office job, I want to, you know, have an office. And an assistant of my own. But I'd really rather not work an office job, which is why I went for an MLIS in the first place.

At this point I'm just struggling to stay positive. Seems I fail more often than I succeed, but the effort is ongoing. I try to stay focused on the idea that things tend to work out as they should, that in the end everything will fall into place and it will all have been worth it. Just can't give up. And yes, I know that in this economy, I should just be happy to be employed. I tell myself that often.

Sometimes I even believe it.

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Sophia, Goddess of Wisdom, and Mary Magdalene.

I'm not a mad bible thumper--Sophia, however, is my inspiration and always in my heart