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Monday, June 14, 2010

(LIS 2600) Another one bites the dust

I am SICK of failure. Especially when it's failure I apparently have no control over. I was up for a new job at Pitt--one that would be a step up in title and pay. One where everyone who worked there seemed like great people. I went through THREE stages of interviews, and every one felt like it went the best you can possibly hope for an interview to go. I was excited, confident, and looking forward to a position where I could just be generally content with my state.

I got the "your credentials were impressive but we are going with another candidate" form letter on Saturday.

I don't get it. I really don't. Every single question they asked, I was able to honestly answer with, "Yes, I've done that before," or "Yes, I'm doing that at my current position." Every one. The interviews were cordial and comfortable. They even asked me my salary requirements (and I didn't make any heavy demands in that area). What the Hell do I have to do to find a position where I can be just content with my state in life? I'm not asking for bliss, here. Just contentment. Is that too much?

Apparently so.

I'm starting to wonder why I even bother anymore. No matter how hard I work, no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I just fail. Time and again. I bring down everyone around me and never seem to get it right. I'm really sick of it. Why even bother anymore? Nothing is ever going to go my way. It never has, and it never will.

Sara called Julie and I on Friday to tell us that Tania, a girl we were friends with in college, was in town for the evening with a friend and wanted to meet up. So we went out for dinner and drinks with them. There I was, sitting at the table with my wife (an established mental health therapist), my sister (a project manager for a multinational computer corporation), our old friend (a marketing consultant for another multinational corporation) and Tania's friend (a business executive for a company located in Germany). And there I was, 35 years old, an administrative assistant at Pitt--pursuing a Master's degree, granted, but really, do I have much of a chance of actually finding a job in library or info science when I get out?

I even said it to Tania's friend at one point (whose name I oddly never got): "I'm the only one at this table who hasn't made good with his life."

I guess that's all for now. Time to go back to being a quiet failure instead of engaging in a futile struggle to better my station. Sorry for the tone of this blog. It is what it is, though.


  1. FWIW, you're a very talented writer. I would bet that through your skill at writing you will eventually "better your station" in one way or another. Unfortunately, writing is one of those skills that peaks late, because you have to accumulate enough life experience first. Sounds like you're well on your way in that regard. Don't lose faith in yourself, and keep the words flowing.

  2. Thanks. It's appreciated. I wish I had time to devote to writing these days. As it stands I get to bang out maybe 1,000 words a week if I'm lucky.

  3. I have had that feeling many times and fully expect to have it many more times.

    But that doesn't make it true for either of us.

  4. Don't be so hard on yourself : ) I know it's easier said than done, but take it from me, I know exactly how you feel! (I think I've posted one of these kind of comments on here before!) I feel the same way in life: My older brother (older by 2 years) has an awesome job doing computer animation for commercials and lives near NYC, by younger brother is married with a baby and another baby on the way and has a pretty great job for still being an undergrad, all of my friends from high school have pretty successful jobs and are on their own--I'm the only one I know that is still living with their parents at 28! I'm not complaining about that fact--they've been really good to me, but I know how it feels to go through an interview and feel like you really got the job, only to get rejected days later. I've had the crappiest jobs for the past 6 years, which is why I went back to school. Hopefully when we graduate, there will be something great waiting! But I have to tell you, I went through a freak out moment last weekend and almost quit the program to do something else where I'll be guaranteed a job.

    So, don't be so hard on yourself, good luck, and somehow, things will get better. They have to, right? : )


Sophia, Goddess of Wisdom, and Mary Magdalene.

I'm not a mad bible thumper--Sophia, however, is my inspiration and always in my heart