So as I've blogged about a bit, and as I told my dad last week, I've felt like my whole life is out of control this semester. I've done a lot of frustrated thinking and wondering why that is, why I can't find time to write, why I can't keep up with school, why I'm so emotionally exhausted all the time.
I think I've come up with some ideas and a plan.
See, I've given up something very important to me. It's something that to most people is completely small and unimportant, but to me is core. I stopped sitting in cafes. It's that simple. I used to go to the Beehive a minimum of three times a week to sit, write, listen to course casts, and do whatever else I needed to get done creatively or school-wise. And for some reason, I just...stopped. I got out of the habit of going. That has to change. It's that atmosphere, being somewhere with a good, creative energy and somewhere that's not at home, which allows me to function creatively. I need that. I thrive on it. And I've let it go.
So starting this week, that's changing. I'm going to start going to a cafe at least a couple days a week--every day as often as I can manage--and do schoolwork and write. I have two options: I can do the Beehive straight from work (my likely choice) or Cannon Coffee, which is within walking distance of my house.
In other news, I found out that I may be getting laid off. Seems there are budgetary problems with the grant that pays my salary. I really can't get more detailed than that here, but it's a distinct possibility. Now I'm sure my boss is going to do all he can to not have to do that--he doesn't want to lose staff. He's working hard to get more staff. But if it does happen, it presents major problems. Specifically, it's going to at very least delay my finishing school, as I'll lose my tuition benefits from Pitt and won't be able to secure loans until next fall. That won't be a horrible tragedy, as it'll delay me pretty much by one semester. Instead of finishing in July, I'll finish in December by doing one more full-time semester. And I might be able to do a field experience. So it could end up being a blessing in disguise, if you don't consider that I'll be about $20,000 more in debt at the end of it all. Making ends meet on unemployment will be difficult, but not impossible, and I'll try to kick up content writing again to make some extra.
I dunno. Part of me thinks it'd be a blessing in disguise if I did get laid off. But all I can do at this point is hang on and see how it goes.
So there we have it. Wish me luck, send positive thoughts and vibes, and I'm going to roll with the idea that things tend to work out the way they should. The hardest part is going to be getting back into the habit of writing, of shutting down the distractions and diving back in. But once I'm back in the zone, all will be well.